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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Satire · #2282273
the dinner seating chart for writers's cramp


The Dinner Seating Chart

531

When Jake Lee died and found himself in Heaven, St Peter asked him to organize a special dinner party. God wanted to meet with the key human historical figures to learn about the history of his favorite creatures, - the humans. They were picked because they had had such an impact on history and world culture. God had to decide the seating chart and what to serve. He also wanted to have them discuss the events of their lives frankly so he would serve wine and whiskey to facilitate the conversation.

He turned to St Peter his capable XO to arrange the dinner. St Peter asked for Jake’s help in selecting the invitees and setting up the seating chart. Jake Lee, had retired as a history professor at Harvard,

Jake thought long and hard about the invite list and finally came up with a list of prominent people from throughout history. Each table would have four people, a mixture of religious, political, cultural and other leaders. Sam proposed the following seating chart.

Table one

Jesus
Alexander the Great
Thomas Jefferson
Mohamad

Table two

Julius Caesar
Teddy Roosevelt
Barack Obama
Bill Gates

Table three

Buddha
Will Shakespeare
Franklin Roosevelt
Beethoven

Table four

Confucius
George Washington
Jimmy Carter
Hillary Clinton

Table five

Martin Luther King
Abraham Lincoln
JFK
Queen Elizabeth

Table six

Dali Lama
Morgan Freeman
Angela Merkle
Crazy Horse

Table seven

Bill Clinton
Steve Jobs
Mick Jagger
Hank Aaron

Table Eight

Ronald Reagan
Michael Gorbachev
Tchaikovsky
Mark Twain

Table Nine

Queen Victoria
Madam Curie
Albert Einstein
Steven Colbert

Table Ten

Park Chun Hee
Mao
Lenin
Henry Ford

Table 11

Abraham Lincoln
WH Auden
Edgar Allen Poe
Emily Dickinson

Table 12

Peter the Great
Lesbos
Walt Whitman
BB King


God smiled

“Sam,

“Good job. It is all. I look forward to hearing the conversation.”

“St Peter,

“Record it and leak it to the world’s press.”

God met the dinner guests and gave them the ground rules. They would have dinner together and talk about world history, what happened to them in their time, and their reflections on modern life. It would be recorded and leaked to the world’s media. They needed to also give a message to humanity, about what one thing they wanted humans to reflect on and change.

The menu consisted of steak, salad, vegetarian options, fried fish, and key lime pie for dessert. And lots of wine and whiskey for after-dinner drinks. Mozart would play dinner music.

And the dinner party from history took place and was leaked to the media.

No one believed it really happened, and no one believed that Jesus and Mohammed were actually getting along as best buddies. The media denounced it as a deep fake hoax.

Trump complained that he was not invited! He went on to say,

“I know more about history than those clowns they invited. Totally fake news. God should know better. He should have invited me. I mean I would have told them a thing or two because well I am the smartest man in the world and I have the best words, and I am huge. Most popular president ever. The selection of guests was totally rigged. I think that God was jealous of my fame that’s why I was not invited.”



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