And This Is Our Story

Note: As usual, I wrote this in a rush with a tired and very fried brain. Feel free to critique and point out any errors or inconsistencies because there probably are a few. Enjoy!



    I have always thought God has abandoned me. My mother has heard and seen Him and our angels, but I could never feel their presence. She said they were massive, half transparent beings who emanated light so bright that it hurts to even gaze upon them. The Divine took her out of her body and they all flew in unison out through space at the speed of light before gazing down upon a tiny earth. The earth looked dark. Pitch black. 

    “You already have everything, why do you need to fear?” He asked her with a calm yet firm voice.

    There was another instance where she was lying in bed when she was suddenly struck with a shocking pain in her chest, a heart attack of sorts, she was in terror knowing this might be her last moment on earth. “Jesus! Jesus!” She screamed in her head with every fibre of her nerves. With a force so strong it could summon an earthquake, down Jesus swooped, his long hair drooping over his face which was so large it occupied her entire ceiling, he reached down and put his loving hand over her heart. The pain halted immediately and my mother was filled with a sense of relief so great she drifted off to sleep.

    And yet again, I could never relate. Nevertheless, I was happy she survived.

    The thing was, my mother shared a close relationship with God yet the life she lived was as if she sinned a hundred lifetimes over. My father was abusive, and so was her own mother and family in law, the school environment threatened to diminish her children into nothingness, I almost died once and my brother three times over and I could go on and on but you got the idea.

    Yet time and time again, the Divine always assured her that she would be fine, she did not need to worry, but when faced with community persecution and cruel people who wanted to harm her children, those assurances sounded almost insensitive. Ridiculous, even. Sometimes when life backed her into a corner, she would scold the Divine. “ARE YOU HONESTLY BLIND?” She cursed at Him. She was definitely God loving but not quite God fearing!

    But what was there to fear, when you have thrown your life down in all honesty yet it played you like a universal joke?

    Yet God did answer. After fifty-five years, oh, He did answer.

    When I was talking over the phone to her, sharing a small success that I just had, I looked out at the unclouded sky and witnessed a bright lavender light burst out from the sun, spilling over the sky like a pot of deep pink ink into bright blue waters. Soon enough, the entire horizon and all that is outside my window- the tower, roofs, rivers and hills were bathed in this divine purple light and it was a sight so beyond the human realm I could only stare in stunned awe.

    At last, I have found God.

    I was never abandoned.

    Suddenly, all the hardships we have endured finally made sense, that I would never have come to this point of connection with Him had I never experienced life at its entirety. Only when you have lost everything with nothing to hold onto, when you have been broken and brought back to life countless times that the illusory construct of the physical can be cracked. This was when you would understand there was more to life than what could be experienced by the five senses- a place where life extends beyond death of the physical body, the world of grand cosmic creation and limitless divine potential.

    I finally understood that my connection with the Divine, with God, was intensely personal and no institution nor person ever had a monopoly to His attention. I had just as much of a birth right to connect to the higher power as my mother and no one could ever take that away from me unless I let it go.

    I have also learned that the material and physical- the people and things I loved- were merely companions to support me but in the end we all had to make our journey through life into the final test of death alone. But we were never alone. One does not separate the creation from its creator. My body was a miniature version of the universe and I live within the wider universe with its cosmic power alive in every breath I take. We could never be alone even if we wanted to, but it was when our minds were clouded and disconnected that we could be fooled into thinking so.

    And most importantly, I was finally at my mother’s level to understand why she made all those difficult decisions she did all her life, the unimaginable risks she had undertaken and how misunderstood she was as a character. The path walked by God’s soldiers was a difficult and lonely one, not out of punishment but because God knew they were resilient enough to take on the challenge.

    "Thank you for sharing your divine inspirations with me. For my whole life, I have been waiting for the kindred spirit who could speak my language, and turns out she was next to me all along. I am no longer lonely.” My mother wrote in one of her text messages. “You should carry down my legacy, and share all that we know with the world, for the lonely ones who need to hear it too.”

    “Yes, I will, mother. I will.”

    And this is our story.