Joys of Little Things in Life

There is a loud knock on the front door just as I am finishing up breakfast. Placing the last piece of pão onto my now empty plate of sukhi bhaji, I stand up, wondering who it might be. Jerry Baptist, the son of my neighbour Bostião, is standing at my doorway with a big smile on his face. “Good morning, Tia, Kohi aha?” he asks, inquiring about my health and smiling sweetly. “Aha Borim Baba, thank you, how are you? How is Mammy and Deddy?” I ask, good naturedly? “I'm fine Aunty thank you and so are Mammy and Deddy” he replies then progressing on to tell me about his parents’ recent activities with the arrival of his aunt from Bombay. I listen to him intently, nodding in understanding at regular intervals, my brain; however, is all the while, churning away at full speed trying to decipher the purpose of his visit.

I am neither a hermit nor a recluse; I must explain, and I enjoy a heartfelt banter just like any other person, but the last few years have been silent ones, and a visitor at my doorstep has been a rare sighting. Plus, my old age and weakened knees have restricted me from leaving the house, and the rare times I do venture out, leave me completely exhausted and being asthmatic, breathless as well. I purchase my daily groceries from the fish and vegetable vendors that travel door-to-door or Priyanka, who comes in to cook for me, buys any groceries that I need.

So, Bostião’s visit today; although wholeheartedly welcomed, got me pondering on the nature of his visit. “Bostião, would you like to come in for a cup of tea?” I ask, half willing for him to say yes. “No Tia, thank you. I actually came to ask you for a favour.”, he says, pausing and waiting for my reaction.
“Yes, yes of course, tell me Baba, how can I help?” happy nonetheless that the interaction will be longer than just mild pleasantries.

“As you know the ‘Tisreache Fest' is coming up in two weeks, and we were supposed to prepare it at Cistod Uncle’s house, but with his hospitalisation a few days ago and Anne-Jacquin Tia is busy with his care, and it doesn’t seem right to have it there.”, he pauses for a moment while I nod in understanding. “Yes, I know, unfortunate. I do hope he gets better soon.”

“Yes, so we wondering; since your house is one that is situated close to the cross, and also has a big back area for Tisreo preparation, if it is possible to use it as a substitute to Cistod Uncle’s house?”, he inquires. I am already bobbing my head furiously up and down in excitement, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Of course, of course, no problem. I'm happy to help. Please let me know if there is anything you need from me to prepare in anyway.” I am elated with this turn of events.

He thanks me, telling me that Dolly and Tina are handling the logistics, and he would ask one of them to come see me. And so, after another few minutes of pleasant conversation, he leaves.




That afternoon sitting in the bolcãon sipping my tea, I dwell in excitement envisioning the upcoming preparations and the multitude of wonderful noises that would soon fill my house again.

The Tisreache Fest, in actuality is the annual feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus Chapel in our vaddo or ward. A tradition started years ago; to prepare and serve Tisreo or Cockles after the mass service to all attendees is one that has become a well renowned feast attraction, and thus has, in time fondly being re-christened as Tisreache Fest by the hordes of people that come to relish it.

Preparation for the feast starts weeks before with the villagers rallying together to arrange various logistics. Some handle the decorations that line the roads in the ward and the chapel, others coordinate mass preparations, while still others organize aspects like canopy, seating, and sound. And then; there are the women of the village who collectively work to organize the cleaning, preparation, and cooking of a large amount of tisreo curry.

The house chosen for its cooking is typically one that is in proximity to the venue, thus facilitating easy service of the delicacy to the multitude that attend. The chosen house also needs to be one that has space to accommodate two big groups of women that would be working together to clean and cook the delicacy.



My house has been a quiet one for many years now, so it pleases me immensely that it would be bustling once again, albeit for a few days only. My heart goes out to Cistod and Anne-Jacquin in their times of trouble, but I couldn’t help being secretly elated.

I had a full and lively house for a long time until Gabru passed away, and before I knew it, the kids grew up. Robert was the first to leave to UK almost 12 years ago. His wife Julie and Daniel, their son, lived with me for a while. Daniel’s childish laughter and playfulness had filled the walls of our house until they too moved out to join Robert. Not long after; Paula, my daughter, got married to Henry leaving with him to Dubai. It's been six years since and a silence has now engulfed this bustling and noisy house, it's still quietness now slowly eating at me.

My days now, are thus filled with loneliness. Nobody comes to my door for a friendly chat over tea or an occasional health or wellbeing check and my days would more often than not pass me by without a conversation with even a single soul. That of course is beside the friendly waves and greetings to the daily passers-by's that cross my house as they go about their lives.

Because the Village Fair Price Shop is located on the corner of our street near my house, there is a general sort of bustle around the area most of the day. Then there are also those that pass me by while going about their daily routines, their movements filling up the time in my day as I sit in my big bolcãon watching the world pass me by.

Like Kavita, the house-help, who greets me as she passes after completing her day at Fulament’s house, on her way to Terezine’s. Or Geetu Kaki who passes at a little past noon and then 20 minutes later after picking her granddaughter Pinky from school. Then of course there’s Xavier who breezily honks at 2.00pm zooming by on his way back to work after lunch and a snooze at home.

A friendly wave here, an occasional greeting there; these insignificant greetings becoming the highlight of my day, and each person's routine becoming a time stamp to my days’ passing.

*************************

After my talk with Bostião earlier today, I lay in bed too excited to sleep. All I can think about is the bustling sounds and activities that would soon fill my quiet and lonely house and the multitude of women that would soon be working together under it.

Suddenly, a thought came to my mind, jolting me to attention. Although the room was dark; lit only by the light of the moon that shone in from the one window opposite me, I peer around in the dark now seeing every corner of the house in my minds’ eyes and the devastating need for a thorough and massive clean-up. There were fixes and sprucing up’s that ware long overdue, and opening up a house like this in its unkempt state, to a horde of village women with plenty of opinions was not ideal.



Lying there in bed staring at the ceiling, I begin to make a mental checklist of all the things I need to get done over the next few days. So, with a firm determination and goal in mind for tomorrow, I force myself to stop dwelling and will myself to sleep.

The next ten days pass by like a breeze. Kavita came in between her jobs to help, taking three days to do a thorough cleanup of all areas. Deepak, the plumber, came in to clear up the clogging issues in the toilet at the back, while Mistriji repaired the broken legs of a couple of my dining chairs. Abel replaced the broken roof tiles that needed changing and finally Shreekant came in the evenings after work to repair a couple of the electrical fixtures and bulbs.

By the tenth day, the house was ready, and I was content that it was in top shape. I would have liked to have the walls painted if there was time, which there wasn't, so they would have to do as is. I was excited and anxious as the days were neared, but satisfied that I was ready and prepared.

In the evening; feeling satisfied and relaxed, I feel like a short stroll out, and decide to walk to Peter’s shop and stretch my legs in the process. So, picking up my cane, I slowly walk out of the house and onto the road, crossing over to ‘Peter’s Posro’.

“Bore mugo, Philsu Bai?” inquires Peter, greeting me with a smile. “Aha Borem Peter, Tumi aha no borim?” Asking him in turn about his family’s well-being. “Yes, yes, first class.” he replies. “What can I get you?” I tell him a list of things that I need, and he goes about retrieving them. Just before he can begin packing everything up, Jerry saunters into the shop.

“Good evening Philsu Tia, nice to see you walking around.” He greets me cheerfully. “Yes, I decided to walk over to Peter’s to pick up a few necessities I required and stretch my legs a little in the process” I answer nonchalantly. “Yes, yes, that’s excellent,” then he continues quickly. “By the way, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come over the other day to inform you about the change in plans for the feast. I got called into work early and had to leave in the wee hours of the morning, so I asked Dolly to inform you about the change immediately.”

I just stand there staring at him; eyes as big as an owl, the implication of what he just said leaves me maimed even to ask for clarification. I presume my face did little to mask the shock and confusion I felt in that moment and looking at him now, I can see his face slowly beginning to mirror mine as a slow realization set in for him.

I feel the beginnings of a sickening churn in the pit of my stomach and a pain in my chest that is growing with each passing moment I unconsciously hold my breath. Dreading the answer but still courageously making the effort, I softly ask the question for which I sickeningly already know the answer to, “Tell me what?”

He looks at me wide-eyed, continuing slowly, “that Anne-Jacquin Tia insisted we continue the plans to have everything at her place.
“You see,” he continues softly, “the doctor cleared Cistod Uncle to leave. So, Tia thought it would be good for him to feel a part of the festivities with the buzz that would surround the house” he stops. “I’m sorry, Tia, did Dolly not come to inform you?” he asks warily.


All I could manage to do was shake my head at him slowly, my mind blank, devoid of any ability to form a full sentence in response. Sensing my disappointment, which my face clearly mirrored, he apologizes again to me.
“I’m so sorry Tia, I thought. Dolly had informed you and I didn’t even check to see if she had. But maybe she somehow forgot.” he looks genuinely distraught with the realisation, so I gather my composure as best I can to save him as well from any more distress on the matter and end this situation as quickly and amicably as possible.

I am also acutely aware of tears welling up slowly in my eyes, a situation I know I wouldn’t be able to control. So, I put on the biggest smile I can muster in the moment and bravely manage to say,
“It’s ok Jerry, these things happen sometimes. Whether it’s at my house or Jacquin's, it's ultimately all for the feast, right? It’s really fine, no problem.”

Then, not waiting for a reply, I quickly turn to Peter, implying the end of my conversation with Jerry and my desire to complete my shopping transaction. Understanding, he quickly says, “It’s 20 Rupees in total, Philsu.” he pauses, “You go ahead home, I’ll send Jacob over with the things; as always, and you can pay him there.” Thanking him quickly, I turn around and with my head bent to the ground, I mumbled a curt and quick goodbye to Jerry and walk out of the shop before either of them could see my eyes give way to the falling tears.



Three days later, and the preparations at Anne-Jacquin's house is in full momentum. Unable to even bring myself to sit in the bolcãon; my usual perch to watch, I reposition to sit in my bed that directly faces the designated house, watching with sadness, the festive buzz on the other side of the road, as women chattily walk in and out.


My run-in with Jerry the other day has left me completely devastated, holing myself up inside the house, utterly dispirited over the turn of events. I cannot get myself to even sit in the bolcãon over the last few days; forgoing as well all and any purchases of produce from the daily vendors.



The catastrophe of my conversation with Jerry, left me that night completely shattered, crying myself to sleep and feeling sullen and detached everyday since. Dolly had come by the next day; presumably to apologize, but seeing her crossing over, eyes fixated on the house and guessing the purpose, I froze. Unable to bring myself to face her, I just sat in silence as she repeatedly knocked and called out to me at intervals. I could lie later, I cajoled myself then, that I had been sleeping or any other excuse, but knowing that opening the door was not an option. I knew that if I had to open that door, years of bottled-up feelings of sadness and loneliness would inevitably come crashing forth, and I would have been able to do little to control it. The storm that had been brewing in all my years of solitude would rollout with one quick sweep, leaving me in a devastation worse than I already felt. So, I opted for silence.

I felt no different today than on that day. Watching from my window, I feel sad and envious of Anne-Jacquin; and to demonstrate my loneliness, a single tear decides to trickle down my left cheek. I yearn to have Robert, Paula and the rest of the family here now, missing them immensely. I chastise myself for not taking up Paula’s offer to move with her and Henry when she was leaving Goa. I missed Gabru and still do, and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else but in this house that, we had built our lives in together. I felt closest to him here, within these four walls, and I was unable to envision my life anywhere else.

However, I had not anticipated the loneliness that came with that decision. That part of Gabru that I thought was keeping me close to him in this house, was in reality bearing down on me, engulfing me in misery and heartache and drowning me in the depths of my own solitude.

I mechanically wipe the tear off my cheek, take in a deep breath and steady myself once again to be strong. The feeling; I keep telling myself, will soon blow over in a couple of days. I just had to get through the next few somehow.

Still unmoved from my bed an hour later, I suddenly see Jerry and Dolly making their way towards the house. I still do not have the strength to deal with a heart-to-heart and just wishing to be just left alone, I resolve to play possum yet again. But just as they begin ringing the doorbell and calling out to me, I see two boys awkwardly walking towards the house, strenuously trying to aid each other in carrying a large object with them. Recognizing one of the boy’s to be Jerry’s son, the other I couldn’t quite tell as he was walking backwards carrying the heavy article.


What was it they were carrying? Curiosity now piqued; I stand up from the bed, unsuccessfully trying to get a better look. Completely covered with opened up sacks of jute tightly wound around in place with a blue cord, it does not permit me to see what the item is, nor can I guess what it is from its shape.

Finally, giving up and now sufficiently curious, wanting to know what it is, I made my way to the front door. “Good morning Philsu Tia, how are you doing today? Inquires Dolly, placing a hand warmly on my shoulder.

“I am doing fine, Dolly, thank you. Is everything alright?” I ask, my eyes fixated on the two boys who were now almost nearing the entrance to my bolcãon.

“Yes, yes, all fine. Well, almost fine....” she says, pausing for effect. “The thing is Anne-Jacquin Tia is getting a bit overwhelmed with everything that’s happening at her place; with the preparations and tending to Cistod Uncle at the same time, and she cannot handle both tasks as she thought she could. She’s got her hands full and was wondering if you might come over to help”

“Me? I asked incredulously, “What can I do? Baba, I can’t even stand for long, let alone move around. I will not be able to do anything” I say, shocked that I was even considered.

“That's why we bought this for you.” She says beaming with happiness, a wide smile plastered on her pretty face, eagerly pointing out to the heavily wrapped item now on the floor just behind her that Jerry was already in the midst of unwrapping.


Both of us watch as he quickly undoes the chords that hold the sack material together. A few seconds later, she suddenly spins her head around to me, her face now depicting a look of seriousness. “I’m genuinely sorry Tia, I don’t know how it slipped my mind to pass on the message to you. I have been upset ever since the other day when Jerry reminded me, after meeting with you.” then she pauses and looks at me, probably waiting for me to say something. But I couldn’t, I knew I was on the verge of breaking down. I just nod, continuing to watch Jerry unwrapping. I feel bad for her then, understanding the guilt she must be feeling, so I looked towards her managing a weak smile, aware that my eyes were on the onset of brimming with tears.

Feigning the fact that she has noticed my glistening eyes, she quickly changes the topic. “When I saw Jacquin Tia struggling to manage between the preps and Cistod Uncle, I immediately thought of you. You used to handle these preparations in earlier years, and I knew you were the right person for the job. The only thing left was to make you mobile.....” she trails off.

Jerry has finally removed all the wrapping and I can now see that it is a folded wheelchair! “A wheelchair…” I managed to say, looking at it wide-eyed.

“Yes,” confirmed Dolly. “I remembered seeing it in Fulament’s storeroom once a long time ago and approached her to ask her if she still had it, and explain to her why we needed it and she gladly agreed.”

Fulament’s mother; I remembered, was confined to it before her passing many years ago and since Fulament worked at Goa Medical College at the time, she was able to manage securing one for her.

“Will you come help us, Tia?” I suddenly heard Dolly’s pleading voice again, breaking me out of my reverie. I looked up at her and smiled genuinely happy at her offer, all traces of my misery now vanished. “Yes dear, of course, I will come to help. Just give me a minute to change up and get ready.”, simultaneously walking towards the front door.

“Yes, of course, take your time. Jerry and I will wait for you here.” she says, turning to Jerry who was almost done getting the chair up and ready for me to sit in. “Yes, Yes Tia, you go ahead, we are here waiting.” Jerry confirms. “Ok thank you.” I say walking a couple of steps forward before stopping to turn back to Dolly, “Thank you for this Dolly. It really means a lot.”

“No, Tia, what rubbish. Thank you. We needed somebody with your expertise, and I'm happy you agreed to help us.” I didn’t say anything but just nodded, and turned back again, making my way into the house.


I knew that she was lying. There were many more people in the ward who had just as much experience in organizing the delicacy in this quantity. I knew this was Dolly’s attempt to make up for whatever happened, and I knew for a fact she went out of her way to arrange the wheelchair for me, and I was happy and grateful for it. I was unable to change what had happened but, being amongst everyone and a part of everything was way better than sitting here alone brooding about the past that could not be changed.

**********************************

A short while later we enter Anne-Jacquin’s house; Dolly pushing the chair for me and Jerry walking beside her. The house is abuzz; a cacophony of women's banter filling the house. Every person there was engaged in some sort of task as we pass them. Bela; one of our neighbours, is busy cleaning the husk off some coconuts, she greets me loudly and then bellows out to Anne-Jacquin telling her of our arrival.

Continuing to make our way further inside, we find her a second later perched on a metal food container, using it as a foot stool, as she strains to pull down on something on her loft lodged between something else stored there. Jerry quickly rushes to her aid, getting it down, a plastic mat, and hands it to her. She in turn hands it over to a little girl standing beside her, who immediately grabs it and scuttles away while Anne-Jacquin makes her way towards us.

Engulfing me in a large bear hug she greets me warmly; a petite woman. Her hug is warm and sweaty but most endearing nonetheless. It makes me acutely aware of how much I crave any sort of physical intimacy from another human being.

She guides us to the back of the house, talking incessantly about all that is happening around. The back area houses two groups of women; one group to the left of the house, the other to the right. The group on the left end; a little more than half a dozen women, are sitting, each one on their own “adao’s”, which is a sort of a stool with a blade attached to it. The blade is in the form of a sickle with a scrapper at its end which is used for everything from cutting vegetables, meats, and fish to even scrapping coconut. In this instance, it is being used by the women, to pry open each cockle one by one.

Walking to the other end of the house, another set of women sit on their “adao’s" cutting up large amounts of onions, tomatoes, chillies and scrapping a large amount of coconut. Everyone greets us warmly amidst the loud banter that is ensuing between the women in all directions. It was a hum drum of loud sounds, but one that sounded completely melodious to me. The chatter and laughter filed my soul with a warm sort of sensation of happiness that coursed all through me. One of the women makes a joke about my presence there, which makes everyone fall into peals of laughter. I laughed too, feeling good for the first time in a very long time.


The day progressed beautifully with Dolly wheeling me around from one area to the other as I guided the working women on the quantities of ingredients, sizes of their dicing etc. Once the opening and cleaning of the cockles was completed, the women on the left area moved to the kitchen to begin the cooking and sautéing of the ingredients that were being cut by the group on the right.


It was close to 3 o’clock when everything had concluded. The women have slowly disintegrated, going back to their homes once tasks were checked off and completed. Dolly wheels me home a half hour later, and I thank her again as I get off the wheelchair, for a lovely and satisfying day. Walking into the house, cane in hand, a sense of satisfaction creeps through me and a feeling of anticipation and excitement for the feast tomorrow.





ONE WEEK LATER



I wake up early today, wanting to sit at my usual perch in the bolcãon to savour the day as it begins. Clasping my mug of warm tea with both hands to warm my palms against the cold air of the morning, I take in the calm and serene morning with contentment. There is a sweet sort of silence all around, the only sounds are that of the tuneful chirping of the different birds in the vicinity and the sudden barking of a neighbourhood dog as it breaks the tranquillity of the morning for a few seconds each time.

As I sit there; savouring up my surroundings, I feel a twinge of sadness creeping in. I am going to miss these little moments of joy and familiarity that have grown to mean so much to me. That familiar smell of Goa’s red mud after the first rains, the cries of the daily hawkers as they pass by, and my ritualistic daily greetings to the passer-by's and of course, this house. But I knew it was for the better, and I accepted the change. I would be surrounded by family and that was the most important thing.





Tisresche Fest Day

The day began on a high note; waking up to a feeling of excitement and exhilaration. I could feel the day gearing up to be a joyous and fulfilling one. It was almost 4’o clock, and I was just about done dressing up in best attire for the feast when I heard a knock at the door. Assuming it to be Dolly with the wheelchair for me, I called out to her that I was on my way. What I hadn't anticipated was Paula and Henry standing there at my front door luggage and everything, “Surprise Mai!” She yelled as I looked at her aghast and dumbfounded. She quickly embraces me in a tight hug which Henry followed. I couldn't believe my eyes! I was so glad to see them, but somehow still unbelieving that they were standing right in front of me.

We quickly went into a barrage of how's, when’s and why’s, and she continued on incessantly talking about the trip and her surprise plans for me. I was so happy to see my girl! Reminding us of the impending feast mass that was upon us, Henry ushered mother and daughter over to the pandal to take a seat.


The attendees for the feast seemed to be increasing each year and this year was no exception. The pandal was filled to the brim with every chair being filled up with eager people laughing and talking in full gusto.

Paula wheeled me to Anne-Jacquin's house later to check on the tisreo service.

Four women worked speedily, uniformly filing up each plate, while another two added the slices of bread and handed them over to a couple of men and women who picked up plates and handed them out to the group of neighbours who were entrusted in going around handing a plate out to the attendees sitting and enjoying. I assisted where I could whenever things were amiss, arranging additional plates or bread or plastic crockery when things were running out to those serving, so as not to break the momentum of the service.

I was filled with such joy today knowing that behind me, pushing my wheelchair stood, my beautiful daughter Paula. I hadn’t known it at the time; which Paula revealed to me the next day, was that she had come home to Goa with special news and an agenda.

My little girl was to be a mother soon and I was as elated as a mother could be! She wanted her mother by her side as she started this new journey and hoped I would travel with her to be by her side, during her pregnancy, birth and if I wished, post-delivery as well and after as well.

After all these years of solitude and loneliness I was more than thrilled to follow them, happy with her news and the joys that were to come.



PRESENT DAY

Hence, a week after the feast today, we leave together for Dubai. I sit here in my big bolcãon today, soaking in every feeling, every smell and every sight, aware that I may not do so for a long time to come. And although I would miss all that was, I was excited about all that was to come. So, with Gabru in my heart and an eagerness for the upcoming days, I smile and wave to my passer-by's as they begin their day.