A little something to remember me by

I spend a lot of time thinking. I actually like to call it 'Processing'. Imagine Windows 98, if you are old enough to do so. When you would have to move a file or download something onto your computer there would be this tab that pops up. The little animation would be of a paper flying into one manila folder to another manila folder. This would occur while underneath of it a bar measures how much has been downloaded. However, it was a poor sense of measurement as the bar would go back and forth and that percentage beside it would as well. 98%, 78%, 45%, 99%, 2%...ah forget it.

This is my brain. Sometime around age 32 or 33 I went from a 'doer' to a 'thinker'. What I mean by that is I would constantly have activities going on to keep my mind busy, thinking its what I want and how I want to get along in life. Not 'doing' would cause me to go in a spiral of anxiety of "I should be" and "Why am I not doing this right now".

A big move geographically and a career change slowed me down significantly in 2019. To be specific, I went from a dead end child care job that helped me tremendously with raising my kids to a stay at home type life. I had a direction I wanted to go forward in job wise that would require training and possibly going back to school. Oh, but then the schools shut down and COVID hit, leaving me with lots of time to think.

I spend hours thinking routinely.I indulge in it. At times, chores and clutter go wayside.Its just going to get messier again anyway. If there is something I am hyper fixated on, I research. My inner world of thought is so rich and vibrant that i just want to word vomit all over this website. Or is that just my perspective? Like the drunk fool that thinks they are the best dancer in the world but in all reality looks like the Night at Roxbury?

I set a goal to 'do' something this year. To write everything down. I scribble here and there but I've fallen short on this endeavor. I come to realize I need an audience, even if its a small following. So if you've made it this far, I have a question to ask you. Perhaps I'll even pretend sing it in my best creepy weird Mr. Rogers voice.

So, Lets make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together, we might as well say
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Wont you be me follower?