Nothing Changes

Nothing Changes

I sat looking at my plate, my lunch. Some lunch... one egg, boiled because you can’t use butter to fry it. One piece of toast, also lacking butter... a glass of apple juice, with no sugar added, of course. This diet was killing me.

Yes I wanted to lose weight, I feel like I’ve spent my life wanting to lose weight! I’ve seen pictures of me as a baby, so cute! So chubby... Why can’t chubby be considered normal?

I sat looking out the window, not hungry, well, not for that. I have lost some weight! Yes, my diet is working, or killing me, I’m not sure which. It’s been a week, I’ve only lost three whole pounds...

Why do I even care? My husband loves me the way I am. My kids get healthy food, and have, thankfully, taken after my husband, naturally normal. Who am I trying to impress? Those other mothers I work with at the schools? My neighbors? The rest of the world? I swear I’ve been on a diet now for most of my forty-two years. And here I am again. Depressed.

As I look out the window I see something on the road. At first panic hits, then determination, then common sense. I will never be happy trying to be skinny. Suddenly, I feel better! Suddenly I jump up and rush out the front door. I’m free! No more diets! I’m going to be me! I happily wave down the ice-cream truck!!!

Later, as I sit with the sticky wrapper still clutched in my hand, I start planning my next diet. Maybe I’ll start Tuesday... Nothing ever changes, does it.