The Mule Trainer

         “My daddy told me ‘bout this man had a mule he’d bought from a farmer lived down the road from him. “Now, this here mule was young and strong but don’t you know he wouldn’t do right once you had him in the harness at the head of a plow. He’d tell him to “Gee haw!” and mule’d back up. He’d tell’im “Gee!” and the mule’d go left. He’d tell’im “Haw!” and the mule’d go right. That or he wouldn’t move at all.”
         “Sound like a 'flicted mule,” Curtis whispered to the group, making them all laugh.
         “Now, the man was fit to bust,” Lil Charles continued, “because he had to get his field plowed and his crop in the ground. So he went to the man’s house who he bought the mule from and told him he wanted his money back on account of the mule wasn’t no good. The man told him, “I’ll tell you what. I know this fella that’s a first rate mule trainer. I’ll have him come by yo’ farm and if he can’t get that mule to actin’ right, I’ll give you your money back plus ten dollars for your trouble and I’ll even pay the cost of gettin’ that mule trained. Fair enough?” Sounded like a good deal to the farmer so he agreed right off. Next day the man showed up with that mule trainer and the mule trainer told the farmer to get his mule and hitch him up to the plow. Once he’d done that he told the farmer to tell the mule to go. “Gee haw!” the farmer says.” Now, don’t you know that mule didn’t move? Didn’t move an inch! The farmer took a strap to’im and got him movin’. The trainer yelled, “Make him go right!” so the farmer yells, “Gee! Gee!” That mule took a few more steps and stopped. The trainer said, “Make him go left!” So the farmer yells, “Haw! Haw!” and that mule just looked over his shoulder at him a second then started walking across the field again. The trainer yells to him to stop and the farmer dragged on the reins until that no good mule stopped.”
         “He needed to cook his ass,” Emerson said.
         “The mule trainer went over to his wagon and pulled out a bag and walked across the field over to where the farmer was. “I see what the problem is he says and I can get this here mule straightened out for you right quick.” The farmer? Now, that boy was stunned. “Didn’t you just see him? Ain’t no trainin’ this damn mule.” The trainer told him, “I’m tellin’ you, I can train’im.” The farmer got out of the harness and tole him to have at it.”
         “So what he do?” Emerson asked.
         “Fool!” Curtis hit him on the arm with his hat. “That's what he gettin’ ready to tell us. Go head on L.C.”
         “So, the trainer reaches into that bag of his and pulls out a two-by-fo’, then he walk over to that mule, looks that bastard right in the eye then busts him upside the head with that two-by-fo’.”
         “Shit!” Curtis said, laughing. “Right upside the head?”
         Lil Charles nodded. “Right upside the head. Now, the farmer sees this and asks the man he’d bought the mule from what the mule trainer was doing. The man just looks at him and says, “Let the man work.” So, the mule standing there stunned and ‘bout that time, the trainer walks over to the other side of him, looks him in the other eye and busts him upside the head again. This time the mule go to his knees.”
         Curtis nudged Emerson, “I woulda went down to.”
         “Been bust upside the head much have you?” Jesse quipped.
         “After a while, the mule struggle back to his feet and the mule trainer pull back his arm fixin’ to bust that sapsucker in the head again but the farmer runs over saying, “Waitaminute! Waitaminute! Man, are you tryin’ to kill my mule?” The mule trainer looks at the farmer shakin’ his head. “No suh,” he says, “I’m gettin’ ready to train’im.” The farmer points at the two-by-fo’ and say, “Gettin’ ready to train’im?” the farmer says. “If you call yo’self just ‘gettin’ ready’ to train him, what you been doin’ up 'til now?” The mule trainer looks at the two-by-fo’ then smiles and says to the farmer, “Well suh, befo’ I can train him I got to get his attention.”
         Curtis and Emerson burst out laughing.
         “I declare boy,” Jesse chuckled, “you tell that story better’n daddy.”
         Curtis shrugged. “But what that got to do with this situation here?”
         “We gotta let these here folk know we ain’t gon’ be at they beck and call just ‘cause they say so.” Lil Charles said. “We ain’t the help.”
         Emerson frowned. “How we gonna do that?”
         Lil Charles grinned, winking at Jesse. “First thing, we gotta get they attention.”