Alcohol Problems

Alcohol Problems



There are many problems that have occurred when i have consumed alcohol and most all of them not very pleasant as well. See drinking and me dont mesh to well, that is a fire that you dont want to play with at all unless you intend on getting burned with 3rd degree burn marks. Alcohol is a poison that enters your bloodstream and makes you certified stupid. There is no other way to explain it except how i just said it. Although most people love the feeling of the high it gives you and the courage that comes out it also makes you extremely stupid and do things you normally wouldnt do if you were sober. Alcohol played a key part in my dysfunctional life and how i got myself into trouble. I couldn't even count on my fingers how many times i have blacked out when i drank and probably thought that i was the sexiest thing alive leading me to become a drunken stripper. I bet you are saying wow and thinking to yourself why the hell would she share that? I am just getting things out because i am not the only one out there that has done something so stupid like that in my life. So many problems come with the consumption of alcohol and how it affects your daily living. Now i know not everyone is going to admit to something that they have done that has been regretful in their life but i will definitely be heard and share my stories to make you feel more comfortable. Now dont get me wrong i am not proud of these moments by any means but it is something that has happened in my life due to a bad choice that i have made. I have come up with my top 6 problems that alcohol has caused for me in my life, that has led me straight to the dark depths of alcohol hell. Yes, i said alcohol hell because that is exactly what it is.
Alcohol problem number 1: Blackouts: What are blackouts? Those are when you have consumed so much alcohol that your physical self is present, but your mind is elsewhere. You are at the point where you are living in lala land and nothing can go wrong up until someone comes and crashes into your fantasy and makes it a burning dream. You can either be happy when you are blacked out or be extremely pissed off either way it depends on the person themselves. I can't count how many times i have been blacked out and how many times i have done something stupid but most of all i couldn't remember making food and then the next thing you know i am waking up to a plate of God knows what i put together to eat. Must have sounded good at the time but realizing it after the fact makes it seem not appetizing. I would just sit there and think to myself WTF is that and why did i make it. Simple ingredients that consist of rice the whole can of tuna and i mean the whole can metal and all with a little hot sauce on top. LMFAO. Aint no one have time for that mess. Thank goodness i wasnt a chef and drinking on the job because people would be getting pretty fucked up food to eat, who knows i might add a dirty sock to spice things up. That is a part of the blackouts that i have no knowledge of what i have done let alone made and hoping i havent text someone yelling at them for something they have nothing to do with. I was super good at doing that as well. Blackouts are the worse because of the not remembering what had happened and the embrassment that can come along with it. Strip teasing in a front yard than running around butt naked sounds good at the time but in all reality no one wants to see that. I know i have done so many stupid things and it is the things i don't remember that i feel the worse about. Damn you blackouts and damn you alcohol as well. Don't pick up a drink cause you never know what you are messing with until it is to late. It took me years to figure thatone out and to say the least i have bounced back for the best. Blackouts fromalcohol are nothing but trouble.
Alcohol problem number 2: No Energy: At the time of consumption of my favorite drug alcohol i can get a burst of energy feeling like i am on top of the world and bouncing off the walls, but once i fall asleep and wake up the next morning that is when it hits. I litterly have no energy to do anything and all i want to do is sleep. I couldnt even get the energy to get up and make my kids something to eat or even play games with them. The alcohol after affects were the worse. I would wake up with a hangover and sick to my stomach feeling like i was going to throw up. Drinking heavy like i did means the more i am hung over the less energy i have to be able to maintain a proper living life. I was like a huge bump on a log didnt want to do anything let alone go anywhere. i couldnt function because of the lack of energy that i had. Trying to do simple household chores was a task and i would have to force myself to do so. I hated it so much that it would piss me off and i would have to go get more alcohol just to function as to what i thought was proper functioning. No energy drink or coffee could help me at this point. So yeah, i was shit out of luck. Next step was to just drink more and pretend like i was fine.
Alcohol problem number 3: No Focus: Focusing was hard for me to do when i was drinking especially on things that were important. All i could focus on was getting my next drink and trying to have a good time, because you know drinking is the best way to have the time of your life. It really isn't, sober is the way to go. My focus was so off that i couldn't even think straight. All i thought about or focused on was the damn alcohol which costed me a lot in life and had put a damper on a lot of things that should have gone over smoothly instead of a rough road that no one wants to take. Being sober i am able to focus on what i need to get done in life and what is most important to me. The most important thing to me is getting my life back on track so i can be that mom that i want to be for my kids because they are number one and deserve the best.
Alcohol problem number 4: Depression/Suicidal Thoughts: Now alcohol is a depressant and if you are already depressed like i am than it is a good idea to stay away from it. Every time i was craving and wanted to drink it was when i was upset about something or feeling down and out. It would make me pretend happy or have that feeling of oh i am ok now but i still really wasn't. It only masked my depression for a small amount of time and then it turned all bad. To many thoughts and emotions would go through my head and cause me to be more depressed than i already was leading me right into suicidal thoughts and thinking that everyone would be better off if i was dead. It got to the point that i would grab a sharp object and start cutting on myself until i saw blood so that way i could release the hurt feelings that i had. Back in 2020 of November on the 4th i had a suicide attempt and tried taking my life. Yes i had been drinking but i had also taken a whole bunch of pain pills as well. I didnt want to live any longer and couldnt cope with my depression. I thought at the time that the alcohol would help but it only made things worse. I hardly remember much of anything that night, but what i do remember wasnt anything for me to brag about. I was laying in my bed half lifeless because of all the pain pills and the alcohol mixed. It was like i was half dead. The paramedics had to carry me out of the house because i couldnt move and to tell you the truth i died twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. When i woke up i looked at a nurse and said why couldnt you just let me die and her response to me was it is our job to keep people alive. At the time i was unhappy and pissed off at themm but now i am so thankful and very greatful that they saved my life. I know that my kids need me here even though I cant really talk to them right now. Drinking does nothing but put me in a deep depression and a place that i dont need to be.
Alcohol problem number 5: Cutting on my self: Yes i am a cutter and have been since i have been a teenager. I found that cutting on myself helps relieve the inside pain that i am feeling and when i drink and cut myself i dont feel a thing, like i said drinking alcohol only makes the depression worse and make you not want to be here on earth anymore. Cutting was the number one thing i did when i started getting down and out when i felt like nothing was going right in my life and when i thought that the world would be better off with out me here. I to this day have scars on my arm from the razor blades that i ahve used or the box cutter that i have use to draw that blood from my viens. It is a very sad thing to know people hurt this bad. That is why i try to take the time to hear people out so that way the dont hurt themselves or someone they love and make a stupid choice like i did. Depression and drinking do not mix and you should never mix them in the first place. The end result is never good and you dont have anything but scars to show for it. Make the healthy choice by not picking up a drink when you are upset but reaching out to people who care about you and have them talk you through it. Finally number 6.
Alcohol problem number 6: Letting it take over: I would have never thought in my life that alcohol would take it over but it did. It became my number one for the longest time and i know i have done more damage than i have good when it came to consuming the alcohol. I let it slip right in and take over control of my mental physical and emotional health. I was doomed from the beginning and didnt realize it. I wish i have never ever picked up the alcohol to begin with but when you are young and dumb and dont know much of anything you will do whatever it takes to control the pain and the hurt that you are feeling. i am only saying this because i was that young dumb kid who did exactly that. I have lost a lot of things in life because of my alcohol use and not being able to control myself. it was no longer my choice and i was weak when it came to it, but i have learned a few things and have opened up to the idea od having other people help me through it.They make no judgement because most have been where i was at in their life as well.So finding the right people to help you through can make a world of difference.
My name is Misty Blue Heaven Parks, I am 35 years old and was addicted to alcohol. I have now been clean and sober for 5 months and holding strong to it. I am able to think and see things clearer and am able to function a little bit better in life. Although my mental health and physical healt arent all that great i am still pushing through it. I wouldnt be where i am at today if it werent for the people who have helped me and stuck by my side through the good and bad times. Mainly the bad times lol. I truly am a better person with out the alcohol. Definitly not a cranky bitch that will bite your head off if you say something stupid right away. I am able to do things that i love and am able to stick with it. Being sober is the best for me and i have come a long way in a short amount of time. Props to me and my will to stay strong through it all.