Shine

Shine




There comes a time in your life where you need to start to shine. I am guessing that mine is now. With all that i have been through in life i will shine the brightest right now. I have been working super hard on my self to fix and make me a better me and it is for the best. I know in the past i wasnt the most pleasent when it came to things and i was out of control sometimes. I was also very loving and very caring towards people and i still am. I am going to shine so bright that it will make the haters hate even more. Using sugar instead of spice to brighten my flaring flames of goodness as to aww those standing in my way. No one but myself can make me fall flat on my face again and it seems like i have a running start. Getting the help that i need and having the positive stand behind me and my angellooking over me i can defeat whatever bad stands in my way. I have never had a problem figuring things out when i get into a bad way. I always end up on top and come out stronger than i have before. Now i have been told that i am a very strong person and i have had a hard time believing that but it is true. I am a very strong and outspoken woman and i am not sure if the world is quit ready for that. I know that i have struggled with not only my self image but also my mental health as well pretty much my whole life. Now its time to prove my self worthy of what life has to offer.
Shinning brighter than you ever thought you could is the best feeling ever inthe world. See i have been fighting my demons all my life and struggling with my mental health issues and feeling like no one cared at all until i got with my man that i am with right now. He is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me besides my kids. It is a blessing to have someone in your life that truely cares about you. He has been nothing but supportive this whole time and has dealt with my little outbursts that i have. I am so used to people leaving me and not wanting anything to do with me after i have my melt downs. He has pushed me in the right direction in my life and came into my life at the right wrong time. Do you like how i said that. The right wrong time LOL. That means that he came into my life when i was at my worse and now he desrves me at my best. i couldnt be more greatful than i am now for him and mom.They seem to be very understanding people and know what it is like for people to struggle in life and there is definetly no judgement here. when i first moved in here i was in really bad shape and was overly exhausted from all the stress that i was dealing with and yeah at first both my man and i were hesitant about each other thinking that we werent goimg to work out but we have stuck with each other through out whatever we were dealing with. He has pointed out that we mesh well and ourpersonalities fit together perfectly. Come on who has a chance to find someone that fits you really well and can be very understanding and not all up on you about what you may be doing wrong. Not very many people can find that inanother person. I am glad that he came into my life and took me in and wanted totry to be with me and stuck with it through whatever we both were going through. I love him and mom dearly and i couldnt ask for anything more thanwhat i have in life right now. I have a roof over my head and people who love me and except me for who i am and want to be here for me. You know that is the best feeling that anyone could ever have. I feel so lucky to have them as a part of my life now. I couldnt see my self without them. I probably would be lost and not know what to do with my self if they ever left.
Shinning like i am right now will only bring the good to my life and i just have to remember to be paitent when it comes to things. So like i tell everyone that i impaitently paitently wait for things. Sometimes i feel as if I have been waiting for ever for the good to happen instead of focusing on what i have right infront of me. Yes i have been struggling with not talking to my two youngest kids but intime they will want to talk to me again. So i have to stay positive about life and positive about them coming back into my life. It maybe to soon right now even tho it has been almost 2 years without them, i know that they just need a little more time to heal from everything that has happened in life.They have gone through so much and they shouldnt have to deal with all the stress that they have been through. I tried my best to be there for them but it seems like i did nothing but harm the siuation and i also had a hard time keeping a stable place due to my moods and causing us to move around alot. It was almost like i was running from whatever was bothering me instead of facing it head on, but that is in the past now and all i can do is bring a better future and show them that i am the mom they once knew. Cant change the past but build a better future and improve my self and keep doing positive self talk that i have been doing to keep me going in a positive direction in life. The first step was admitting that I needed help and than admitting that i had a problem with alcohol. It wasnt very easy for me to admit that but i finally did. Getting my self into treatment was the best thing that i could have ever done. It has made me grow and has opened my eyes to new and amazing things. I have learned alot from the groups that i have been attending and it means the world to me that i have such a huge support system now. Bigger than i have ever had in my life and just knowing that i am not alone in going through this has made things alot easier for me. Dont getme wrong there are still some days that i have cravings and it can be a hard day forme in dealing with it but having a strong will power to not pick up and drink is what make a whole world of difference. I can now see things alot clearer and not have to worry about a stupid hang over. The key thing for me is keeping positive and reminding my self that i am a better person with out the alcohol. Remebering all the negatives about drinking has helped me out in the long run. I am not waking up trying to find a way to get my next drink or being so stressed out because i cant get anymore has been amazing. My man and i arent fighting and i havent had a melt down since the last time i drank. So things are definitly looking up and inthe positive direction that it should be looking. Shine bright just like that one song and that is exactly what i plan on doing. I have gone through many hardships in life and never felt good enough for anything or anyone. So i decided to be destructive and go down the wronfg path. I have come to learn from my mistakes and realize that i am worht everything. I believe that i am here to help people get through whatever tough time they are having . I will shine and I will find out what i am on earth for. I have been told that i am specail but in what way am i specail, maybe like i am not from earth like i am an angel sent from heaven to watch over people or just to be there for people when they need someone the most. I am not sure yet but like i said i will figure it out one day or another.
I believe that i have said this already but i am shinning bright and it is my time to rise and prove to my self that i can do whatever i put my mind to and i know that you can to. As long as we stick together we can make it through whatever obstacles are in the way. Here take my hand and we can shine bright together. There is no need to do anything alone or to be scared to ask for help. I know that feeling all to well and at first i was ashamed to ask for help and have others lead me because i wanted to do it all on my own, but i came to realize after i had fallen several times on my face that i wasnt going to be able to go it alone anymore. To shine can mean anything that your heart wants it to mean. Dont be afraid to put your self out there and make things happen. Shine like you havent shined before and show the world what you are made of. Shine Bright.
From one reader to another just keep your head up and you can do whatever you put your mind and heart to. Smile and keep moving forward