Trump: How to Ride a Bike

Trump: How to Ride a Bike
By Donald J. Trump | Guest Writer

Did you see Biden fall off his bike? He fell pretty hard.
Okay, how’re we going to do this. I can tell you how to ride a bike, riding a bike is a great thing, you know, exercise, first of all. Lots of exercise. I walk a lot, I play golf and walk miles. Heck, just walking from my bedroom to the bathroom is about 1/4 mile. My home is huge, really huge. I walk a lot.

So, Bike riding is great—really, tremendous—exercise. I don’t personally ride a bike but I know… I’ve worked with… Actually, if you think about it, I probably do know how to ride a bike, especially after what’s been happening lately, with the news. So you have the bike, a big bike, two wheels, red. It can be other colors, it doesn’t have to be red, but I like a red bike. That’s just my opinion. We love a red bike, don’t we, folks? Just like the boy with the red balloon, the boy and his red balloon, yeah, people remember that movie, so easily. I’m not the boy, I just heard of it.

And the seat, and you sit… Hillary has a huge banana seat on her bike, and you can't see that seat when she's sitting on it, but you KNOW it's there. I feel sorry for that seat. So you have to sit on top of the seat, and I know that we’re working very hard on getting the American people a seat that works for them. That they can sit on. Because so many folks think that everyone can ride a bike but guess what? Lots and lots of people can’t. They just don’t. But it’s so easy, the media’s saying it’s hard but how hard can it be folks? It’s two wheels. Cars are four. And, you know, two is less than four, we know this, right? Do we know this? I think we do. So it’s gotta be a walk in the park, I didn’t invent the saying “walk in the park,” but now that I say it, it’s really true, you know.

After you sit on the bike, you have to use “pedals.” We use pedals here. It’s a little thing called pedals—ever heard of it? I have, and so has she. Look at her, she knows… hi, yes, she knows. And one hand on the breaks. We go fast or go… not so fast. It’s totally up to you. And the brake will help you decide how to go tremendously fast, like a rocket, not actually like a rocket, but you know. Like a rocket.

And let's not forget those handlebars. Yes, handlebars make bike riding great. They help you steer right or left. I hope you don't steer left, because the left is always the wrong way to go, It's always the wrong choice. But yeah, handlebars are really, really great.

Doing great. Cave men knew how to handle wheels. They invented them. Massive wheels, folks. Fred Flintstone knew how to use wheels and his feet at the same time, and he was a simple caveman, Right Nancy? She knows , She was there. Nancy's been around a long, long time.

But like I said, Wheels are great, unless you have only a half a wheel, right Joe? Joe was riding your average bike, just a regular bike Maybe an Orange bike would have been better. Orange is great. But yeah, you just, get going and you’re gone. You’re off, going beautifully. Don’t fall, either. Kids do it. Dogs do it. Have you seen those bike-riding dogs? They're amazing.

I just want to say to Joe Biden,
Sorry you fell.
That shouldn’t’ve happened and I can tell you now we’re looking into it. We’re gonna be looking into it a lot, but we don’t want that to happen to anyone, ever. It’s a disgrace, and honestly? I wouldn’t even think of riding a bike. If I did, it would be motorcycle, a Harley most likely. Can you picture me, Trump, on a bicycle? Me neither. C’mon. I don’t think so, folks. I'm a walking kind of guy, and I never fall down.But if I did, I would bounce right back up before anyone noticed I even fell, Because that's what I do. I might shake hands with people down on the ground. I might even pull out a piece of chalk, red chalk, and write on the ground, "Donald J Trump Fell Here", Let's Go Brandon" and the people would love it. Because, You know, I'm a bounce back kind of guy. One last thing Joe, You might want to Build Back your bike Better, With some training wheels. And then, You know, You can stop your bike without falling down, it's a wonderful thing, training wheels.

Sincerely,
Donald J Trump