When you break a toilet!

It was around May 23, 2022, and you and your girlfriend are a bit stressed out. Last weekend, you took your nephew to the movies, had an encounter with your brother that ended with your nephew punching him and knocking him out into a trash bin! Today, you just got a letter from his psychopath friend's family, wanting to take your nephew to court and press criminal charges against him.
"This is fucking bullshit, what kind of uncle would want to throw his nephew behind bars and go 'lock him up and throw away the keys'?!? And he can bullshit all he wants, saying that he would of dropped the charges if him or his Mommy paid for a dental procedure to fix the tooth, THAT'S A FUCKING LIE STRAIGHT OUT OF HIS GODDAMN ASS!" You yell as you pound your fists on the table! Your girlfriend then leans over and tries to calm you down. "Ok Honey listen, he is a fucking asshole, but your nephew did start it all by punching him and..." "He is just a fucking kid, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!?" "He is about to be old enough to drive and..." "This shit is making me so mad I could just...GGGRRRRRRR, GET YOUR ASS IN THE VEHICLE, WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALD'S!" "But Honey, you are suppose to start on your diet soon and..." "GET IN THE GODDAMN CAR NOW!!!"

Hours later, you begin to smile again as your nerves start to settle down just as you finish with your third Big Mac. Your girlfriend looks at you with demonic eyes and goes "Why can't you just go back to cooking like you used to?!?" "Well Hun, cooking takes up too much time and energy now! Also, don't be so mad! The kids even got toys from their happy meals!" Your girlfriend rolls her eyes before taking a bite of her chicken sandwich.

Later that night, you wake up to an INTENSE stomach cramp. You let out a few silent farts, but they barely do jack to help with the pain. You then hold your enormous gut before storming into the bathroom that's connected to your bedroom. You sit on the toilet and let out a ton of nasty farts before pushing out the remains of about a dozen big macs and about a truck load of fries and chicken nuggets. You continue to sit there for the next several minutes, letting out one horrendous dump after another. You then wipe your enormous ass with toilet paper before you flush the toilet. You turn on the sink and are about to wash your...wait a minute...why isn't your shit going down? You shrug and flush the toilet again and...uh oh...the shit is starting to head to the rim of the toilet! You grab a plunger and begin to try to unclog it! You work furiously to try to get those massive logs to go down the toilet! At times, they would go down, only for it to clog up the toilet again! You get so furious that you kick the toilet in a fit of rage! Your kick wasn't that hard, but because of the kick's momentum, combined with several hundred pounds of fat, you somehow manage to knock the toilet off of it's hinges and knock something lose! Water then started to leak out from somewhere from the toilet and begin to cover the bathroom floor at a frightening speed! You panic even more and bust open the towel cabinet, throwing out every towel you could get your hands on and throwing it onto the submerged floor! just as you grab a hold of the last large towel, you look back over the bathroom floor and shiver as water continues to flood the floor! You run out of the bathroom and just before you could use the last towel to stuff it under the door, you see your girlfriend waking up! "Hun, what are you doing up?" "Oh I was um, getting ready to take a shower and..." "At 2 in the morning?" "Yeah well, I was sweating quite a bit earlier and..." "Ok well, please step aside, I need to piss..." "OH SHIT, you don't want to go in there!" "And just why not?" "I um, I took a SUPER big shit earlier and it stinks real bad and..." "I'll just spray some Lysol, no big deal..." "No no no, IT IS BAD, IT IS ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED A WMD, JUST FROM THE SMELL ALONE!" "Hun, I'll be fine, now step aside before I piss myself..." You then panic and run out of the bedroom and into the hallway! You didn't make it far before you hear your girlfriend yelling in anger...

"GET YOUR MOTHER FUCKING FAT ASS BACK IN HERE AND GET ALL OF THIS FUCKING WATER UP OR I SWEAR ON YOUR FATHER'S GRAVE THAT I WILL CALL YOUR DOCTOR FIRST THING IN THE MORNING AND TELL HIM HOW OFTEN YOU WENT TO MCDONALD'S THIS WEEK!!!"

The next morning, you call the plumber to come out and look at the toilet. Unfortunately, because of the damages done to the toilet, it would have to be replaced ENTIRELY! Thankfully, the toilet was only about a couple hundred bucks. After the toilet has been replaced, you get the plumbing invoice...and discovered that you owe a whopping grand! Apparently, even though the toilet didn't cost that much, installation for it was several hundred dollars!!!

As you write out a big, fat check to the plumbers, you cuss under your breath at your brother again for causing you all of this pain and misery...