Decisions

I do not know what to do.
I was not ready for the complicated decisions of
us, our life together, or being with someone as
complex as you.
Like a rollercoaster there are the ups and downs,
good and bad.
We are happy one minute and miserable the next.
It wouldn't be this way but I am always the
bad, guilty, responsible person.
When you do the same way, you have an excuse that
throws the problem back at me.
Then there is the truce and back to the norm.

I have thought things through on how to get out of the pattern. The most humane way is to go back home with some family, lick my wounds and see what the yellow brick road has to offer.
I feel that your life might suffer. So?
I think you might want to teach me a lesson. So?
But in the end I might have more than failure that would be pointed out and made fun of.
I wanted independence, freedom, power over my life without humiliation, and dream of it.
Nothing is worse than being called a fool or dimwit.
I cannot hide in a shell like a turtle or clam.
I hope that some good will come out of this.
I do not know what to do.