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Age changes things... |
I wish you were dead my ten-year-old self screamed at my six years older than I big brother who stood there smirking at me knowing I was in big trouble. Just once I wanted to catch him doing something wrong. Eavesdropping a private conversation between my brother and my folks when he almost got kicked out of college. Next semester I got straight As. He wasn't perfect. I gloated for days. He did lighting for J. Geils Band. At a concert in Seaside Heights, NJ we 'never saw' each other passing a joint around on the lighting platform. He drove me home that night slalomming the yellow lines on the Garden State Parkway Best night ever. He cried in my arms after our parents had passed. Thanked me for handling everything. Sent him copies of a book series I wrote about suicide, gays, and transgender people. He said I nailed it. Then he said his little sister was very cool. He had his issues, battled drugs and alcohol. Covid decimated him: his work closed down--for the first time in fifty years he wasn't working. He had no idea what to do. He died of a heart attack in January. No drug or alcohol in his system. I so wish he were still here. . |