The Arrangement

"But this is the deal of a lifetime!"

"What, buying a talking dog?! The last time I took you out for a walk, all you did was bark at the neighbors, their cat, a squirrel that happened to cross your path, the mail lady, and I think a leaf."

"I wasn't barking at the leaf! I was barking at the dog three streets down, you should have heard what he said about us."

"Well, I don't speak dog, so I didn't get it."

"You're speaking to one now."

"You're talking to me! And it feels like I'm just going crazy!"

"Didn't your mother tell you it's rude to shout."

"Gah! Why is this a deal of a lifetime! All it feels like is that I'm talking to a dog."

"Well, I'm a talking dog. So, there's endless possibilities here, if you think about it."

"Sure. Except you won't talk when I'm recording. You won't speak in the company of others. You insist you can read and that I should start a newspaper subscription, but I have a sneaky suspicion it's just to chew on more newspapers."

"Don't forget about the paper boy. I love barking at the paper boy."

"This isn't possibilities, this is just weird random things you enjoy doing most of which I have to pay for. How can this be any benefit to me?"

"Well, you see you get to walk me, so you get more exercise. You get to clean up after me and buy me food and chew toys. Oh yeah!
And leave the television on the dog youtube channel when you're at work so I have something to watch, lets see here...and you get to watch where you step when you're walking around in your yard now."

"Those aren't things for me, though. That's all crap you enjoy."

"You seem to get something out of it, too."

"Like what? A talking dog that only talks when no one's around? Who leaves man sized turds in our yard and on our neighbor's doorstep almost exclusively? To buy a whole bunch of stuff I don't care about and spend more on electricity? What exactly am I getting out of this arrangement?!"

"You get to call yourself Master."