Father Figure

Father Figure

Cold, condensed and confusing
was the standard for then.
Loud and inconsistent as well as scared.
The person you love the most is no longer reliable.
And you now feel responsible for your younger brother, but you were just a child.

Old enough to understand what was happening.
young enough to hope it would stop.
No longer understanding "normal" and thinking your world was over.
Razors from pencils sharpeners tainting the skin of the innocent, in hopes for some sort of fulfillment.
Only to be the beginning of a so far, six year struggle.

Missed birthdays and resentment, instead of Christmas presents.
Not even a card or a call to see how we're doing.
Not knowing if you're still among the living, or just trying to forget.
Your two kids at home home with their mom, who hasn't fully told them yet.
We loved you unconditional, you unintentionally hurt us, but it's alright "dad".

Therapy didn't help and neither did friends.
I just wanted you back, even though I knew it would never fully happen again.
You were no longer fully ours but also hers instead.
At least that's where you were when mom had to tuck us into bed.
That was my first real heartbreak, but not to be the last.

I hated him at first because he wasn't you.
But it took time and patience, and for him to show me he wouldn't leave me like you did.
And now I'm grateful that he came around because he's such an amazing dad.
He always tells me he loves me, and shows it too.
He is an amazing person and one day I want him to walk me down the aisle.

I can trust him and he is reliable.
He is good to me and my brother, and he makes mom smile.
I love to see her smile, and seeing it I can rest.
Because I finally have a father figure,
and he is the best.