Tighty-Whities

I’ve learned that nothing is secure,
that life can throw you curves.
I never know what could come next
and jangle up my nerves.

I could be riding high and dry,
no obstacles in sight,
then all at once I hit a wall
or wind up in a fight.

And so I must prepare for this,
for what could pop up next.
I’m not the only one like this,
although I think I’m hexed.

I know that there could come a twist
that wasn’t in my plan.
It’s just a part of every day
that I can’t understand.

I’m walking down a sunny street
when WHAM! I’m on my face.
I never saw what tripped me up;
I feel like a disgrace.

I cut my head and broke my nose,
my noggin took a blow.
I hope that no one saw that act,
observed my clumsy show.

I never planned on this of course,
it was a big surprise.
Yeah, one I might have never had
if I had used my eyes.

But that’s okay; I’m still intact.
Things could have been much worse.
Sometimes I think that there’s a spell
or evil witch’s curse.

At least I was prepared this time.
(Not like I was last year.)
My underwear is sparkling white
without a single tear.

My mother would be happy ‘cause
if I were badly maimed
and I was in an ambulance
I wouldn’t be ashamed.

My tighty-whities are in place.
No dirt, no tears, no grease.
So if I’m flattened by a bus
then I can rest in peace.