Jacko Discovers 911

         911 Dispatcher: "This is 911. What is the nature of your emergency?"

         Jack: "Help. I've been kidnapped."

         911 Dispatcher: "Could you speak up sir? Please report why you are calling."

         Jack: "I've been kidnapped."

         911 Dispatcher: " What's that about a nap?"

         Jack: "Napped, napped, kidnapped. I've been spirited away."

         911 Dispatcher: "Did you say spirits? I shouldn't wonder you need a nap if you've been drinking. Is this really an emergency sir?"

         Jack: "Someone absconded with my person. A victim, that's what I am."

         911 Dispatcher: "Oh, are you reporting a missing person? I'll need a description."

         Jack: "What? Is this necessary?"

         911 Dispatcher: "Yes it most certainly is sir. I must prepare an all points bulletin for the appropriate authorities. Now what is your name, sir?"

         Jack: "I tell you it's my kidnapping."

         911 Dispatcher: "Really sir. I can appreciate you are feeling sleepy, but now is not a time to be napping. I require details. Please stay awake and on the line. Can you tell me your name?"

         Jack: "Jack-o..."

         911 Dispatcher: "Jacko? Thank you. Now that's out of the way. Can you share who is missing?"

         Jack: "I told you. I'm missing. I've been snatched."

911 Dispatcher: "Are you missing something sir? I can inform you this is not a lost and found. You've snatched something as well sir? Should you be telling me this? I feel I must warn you that I cannot keep confidences."

         Jack: "I need help!"

         911 Dispatcher: "Calm down sir. I am attempting to help you. After all, I am a trained 911 operator. Between you and me I field a great many phone calls. Do you understand Jacko?"

         Jack: "I require immediate assistance, do you hear me?"

         911 Dispatcher: "Jacko, Jacko. I am assisting you. I need you to answer a few more questions. Is the missing person injured?"

         Jack: "Yes he is. He's been attacked and disfigured by a knife."

         911 Dispatcher: "So, you're reporting a stabbing? Right. That's an assault with a weapon, serious stuff. Listen carefully, Jacko. Is the assailant still in the vicinity? Can you see him, or her?"

         Jack: "I don't think so. It's dark."

         911 Dispatcher: "I advise you to stay where you are and do not attempt to find, or follow this dangerous individual. Where are you Jacko?"

         Jack: "I'm not sure. I could be sitting on a porch. I'm shivering. I cannot move."

         911 Dispatcher: "That's the shock Jacko. Stay with me. Now listen this is important. Can you describe the attacker? Young? Old? Male? Female? What were they wearing?"

         Jack: "Oh, the horror! The knife slashed and slashed."

         911 Dispatcher: "Breathe Jacko. Witnessing a crime is traumatic. Concentrate. What did you see?"

         Jack: "My eyes were gouged. I remember the glint from the blade."

         911 Dispatcher: "You must have been close. Gouged eyes? Was there a struggle?"

         Jack: "One minute I was minding my own business and then wham!"

         911 Dispatcher: "It sounds like a blitz attack. Did you hear, or smell anything?"

         Jack: "I recall the scent of singed flesh and clapping with shrieks."

         911 Dispatcher: "That sounds like a raving maniac, Jacko. I'd be frightened out of my gourd I don't mind telling you. Are you ready to describe that missing person? Jacko? Jacko?"

         WHAT HAPPENED TO THE JACK-O'-LANTERN?

         

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