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 |   Tales from real life |
| Well, if they're not true, they oughta be! |
You can vote a dictator in, but you can't vote him out. - The Gospel of Trump  |
My wife woke me just after midnight on a Tuesday. No, it was actually Wednesday morning. My brain is always a bit foggy on one hour of sleep. "There's something going on in the yard!" "Wait, what?" I was half asleep, but I had a vague sense of a low, rumbling roar jumbled up with some high-pitched beeps. Was that real or just fragments of a dream? The bright light seeping in around the blackout shade on our bedroom window was real enough. That window provides a pleasant view of a small hillside greenbelt. There shouldn't be a light out there. What the hell? Where is that light coming from? Is this an alien abduction?! Two weeks earlier: The TV weather guys called our big Tuesday night storm a bomb cyclone. A huge, spinning vortex that flanked the usual weather pattern and made a sneak attack from the east. Our trees are all braced to resist the prevailing westerlies. They were taken by surprise from behind and four of them fell victim to the slashing wind and driving rain. One took out a power pole as it crashed through the front yard and into the street. On Wednesday morning, our yard really did look like a bomb had exploded. The power pole took our cable TV and internet connection with it when it fell. The main wire was still attached to the pole, and even though it was lying in the street, our neighbors were still online. I tried to report an outage using the Xfinity app on my cellphone, but the app didn't believe me. It assured me that there was no outage in my area and suggested that I restart my router. I doubted that turning the router off and on would fix the problem, but their app wouldn't let me explain that the real issue was a broken wire. Eventually, I gave up and put some more wood in the fireplace. Staying warm was more important and I could still get internet on my phone. I knew that our cable wouldn't be repaired until the power company replaced their pole, so I waited a few days before calling the local Xfinity store. I navigated the phone menu to a real person and described the situation outside. The representative was friendly enough, but her script didn't include a wire on the ground. She suggested that I restart my router, but I declined. It took thirty-five minutes to confirm my identity, assign a ticket number and schedule a service appointment. And I had to understand that the storm had impacted service in my area so the tech wouldn't get there until next week. While I waited, Xfinity sent several helpful texts to inform me that service had been restored in my area, and I should try restarting my router. Yeah, thanks for that. An Xfinity van made its way up the street the following Tuesday. It drove over their wire and pulled into our driveway. The power was back on by then, so the tech rang the doorbell and introduced himself. He gave me an apologetic smile and told me that the real problem was that the wire to my house was broken. I had to agree that he'd nailed the diagnosis. He went on to say that a different crew would have to come out to rehang the cable line on the power pole. I wasn't surprised. The tech did, however, run an orange wire to temporarily connect our house to the cable line that was still lying in the street. I thanked him with genuine gratitude, and he went on his way. And, of course, once the cable line was reconnected to the house, the router restarted by itself. Back to the present: Fully awake, my mind cleared a bit, and I nervously raised the bedroom shade to check out our back yard. It was fully illuminated in brilliant white light. The rumbling roar of an engine was still clearly audible. That hadn't been a dream at all. The reverberating noise and the angle of the shadows in the yard made it obvious that the light was actually coming from the front of the house. I made my way to a front window and cautiously peeked through the curtain. There was an Xfinity boom truck backed up to the power pole and they had a zillion-watt work light mounted above the guy in the bucket. It was more than high enough to shine over our roof and into the back yard. For a moment, this 'working in the dark of night' scene looked like an X-Files episode. Then it all became clear. The rumbling truck engine was running to provide power to the boom and the work light. And the beeps that had penetrated my dream were from the truck backing up to the pole. I don't why they chose to rehang the cable line at midnight with no warning for us homeowners. I was just glad that it wasn't a UFO. After my experience with Xfinity, I was in no mood to be probed. Again. Author's note: ▼ |
| If you're not abusing power, then you don't really have any. - The Gospel of Trump Actions speak louder than words. Joe Biden’s pardon of his son is a more eloquent concession speech than any losing candidate has ever made. Yes, Kamala Harris lost the battle, but Joe Biden lost the war. The choice in the 2024 election was clearly between the down-home appeal of Joe Biden and the elitism of Donald Trump. Joe Biden is the faithful husband and loving father that Donald Trump has never been. Biden is the competent and accomplished politician that Donald Trump will never be. Joe has been a model of decency and public service for his entire life, concepts that 'The Donald’ can’t even comprehend. Kamala Harris offered a vision of hard work and self-sacrifice, asking that all Americans join together to make our nation good again. Donald Trump offered the big lie, a me-first vision of greatness declared rather than earned. Now, the election is over. The people have spoken. America has gone all-in on corruption and the abuse of power. On January 25th, 2025, the most prolific liar in American history will be sworn in for a second term as U. S. President. He will stand up in front of dozens of cameras and publicly perjure himself by taking an oath that he has promised to break on his first day in office. The world is full of suckers and losers. Suckers believe in getting something for nothing. Losers believe in loyalty and hard work. Smart guys con the suckers and fleece the losers. - The Gospel of Trump The American people have made their choice. They've given Donald Trump a mandate to dismantle democracy and roll back civil rights. And, for greater emphasis, they put his MAGA co-conspirators in charge of both the house and the senate. America rejected Harris's challenge to love their neighbor and work together for the greater good. They’ve endorsed the big lie, government corruption, and the abuse of presidential power. There will be mid-term elections in 2026, but the results may not matter. If the voters don't 'choose' correctly, then their candidates may simply be 'repealed and replaced' with more reliable legislators. And there is no legal recourse. The Trump majority on the supreme court is ready and willing to rule in his favor. There is no longer any check on his unbalanced power. Everyone who voted for Donald Trump should be cheering the pardon of Hunter Biden. And they should take great pleasure in the fact that Joe broke his promise about not granting it. There could be no more definitive acknowledgment that we're now living in Donald Trump’s America. Joe’s action doesn’t need to be explained or excused. The will of the people is that neither law nor ethics apply to the presidency. Trump’s base fought hard to be ruled by dictatorial whim, and Hunter's pardon is a first small taste. Instead of criticizing, MAGA nation should be celebrating. And beyond that, every MAGA voter should be sending Joe Biden flowers and thanking him for sparing Donald Trump’s life. Joe is the sitting president until January 25th. The Trump legal team argued before the supreme court that a sitting president may 'officially' execute his political enemies. The Trump majority agreed and issued a ruling that President Trump has immunity from prosecution for any and all crimes committed while in office. So, for the next two months, Donald Trump lives or dies at Joe Biden’s pleasure. I’m not calling for Joe to go all ‘Dirty Harry’ on Trump. I’m merely pointing out that he can. And Joe has that power because our soon-to-be dictator rigged the court. It would be poetic justice if Donald Trump became a tragic victim of his own scam. |
A friend and I were lamenting the decline and fall of Sears Roebuck the other day. We agreed that they were once a mainstay of the middle-class lifestyle. I suggested that they were the Amazon of the 20th century. My wife and I shopped regularly at the big Sears in the Overlake Shopping Center in Redmond, Washington. You could get your 10,000 steps in just one circuit of that huge, two-story department store. They had everything from appliances to underwear. And though you might not find a really unusual item in stock, you could order almost anything from their catalog and get it delivered in a week or two. It's a shame that their management couldn't understand and adapt to internet shopping. They already had the warehouses, a huge catalog, and a good reputation for customer service. My friend wistfully recalled the Craftsman brand hand tools and their iron-clad guarantee. And that reminded me of a story. When I was in high school, my then brother-in-law, Greg Conner, bought a 1950 Ford F5 truck with a dump bed. He got it from a guy who lived near my family in Round Butte. Greg and my sister Linda were living in Camas Prairie at the time, about thirty miles away. Greg was a hard-working logger who didn't like to sit still. For him, The 20 year-old truck was a fun side project that occupied his weekends for a few months. The running gear was mostly sound, but the interior was worn, and the paint was peeling. Greg tuned up the engine and spruced up the exterior. He never got around to the upholstery, but the outside looked pretty good when he was done. Then he realized that he didn't really need a big truck. My dad didn't need a big truck either, but Greg's impulse buy soon became dad's impulse buy. And the 1.5-ton dump capacity came in handy on our small ranch. Dad joked that he'd brought the truck back 'home' to Round Butte, so we named it Homer. Homer had a flathead V8 that made only 100 HP, but the transmission had a compound low gear that would allow us to pull stumps if we could get enough traction. A friend of a friend once talked my dad into using it to move a small house early one Sunday morning. We didn't have permits or flashing lights, just a pace car with a red rag on a stick waving out the side window. The 700 square-foot building had been jacked up and put on axles the previous day so that we could start at first light. I rode in the cab with Dad, and it took about four hours to make the 25-mile trip over gravel roads. A few early risers were justifiably annoyed by having the road blocked, but nobody called the cops and the house arrived safely at its new location. Homer pulled that house along without complaint, and we were home in time for lunch. Homer didn't get a lot of road miles, so his tires tended to age out rather than wear out. Either way, a flat is a flat, and one afternoon dad had to deal with a flat on the right rear. And those big dual wheels had split rims that could make tire changing dangerous. Dad had experience as an auto mechanic, so he knew better than to work on a split rim with hand tools. Instead, he decided to take the whole wheel off and have a garage change the flat tire for him. But Homer's wheels hadn't been removed for many years and the giant lug nuts were rusted solidly in place. Dad had a 3/4-inch drive flex handle attached to a 2-inch socket but couldn't get enough leverage to break the nut loose. So, he grabbed a 3-foot length of steel pipe from the junk pile and slid it onto the end of the flex handle. But even with a 'cheater', the lug nut wouldn't budge. At the end, Dad was hanging off the sidewall of the dump bed, swearing and bouncing his full weight up and down on the cheater. Oddly enough, the flex handle broke off at the pivot point behind the socket. That derailed our plan to get the flat tire fixed, so we went to town to look for a new flex handle. But remember what I said earlier about the Craftsman guarantee? Dad took that broken tool into our local Sears store and showed it to the clerk. The guy didn't bat an eye, he just handed Dad a brand-new flex handle. On the way home, Dad laughed and told me that he'd actually bought the 3/4-inch socket set at a second-hand store. Sears replaced the broken tool with a new one and didn't even ask to see a receipt. Now that was service! p.s. Dad could be very resourceful when brute strength failed. He used a propane torch to get that lug nut smoking hot. And once it had expanded a bit, it popped loose easily. |
Ill Wind An easterly, like wicked wolf, howls ill through shredded wood. Its gusting swirl runs widdershins, brings no one any good. Our Pacific Northwest storm has been more adventure than anyone would ever want. The weatherman called it a bomb cyclone and that's what our yard looks like. We were without electricity from Tuesday afternoon through Sunday evening. We lost two mature firs, a small fir and a small maple tree. One of the big firs smashed through a large maple and another fir on its way to the street. It landed on the power line and snapped off the pole in front of our house. Our driveway was completely blocked with the debris from those three trees and the power lines were underneath. The weather turned nice for the next two days and I got the roof cleaned off and cleared a sort-of path through the debris to get the car out. It was probably a bad idea, but other cars were driving over the electric wires, so I did too. Our house has minimal damage, but others weren’t so lucky. Our other big fir fell onto the next-door neighbor’s roof. They had a large fir that smashed through the roof of the next house, and the third house over also has a tree completely through the roof. A house on the street below us has its entire front smashed up and their car is under the tree in front of the garage doors. Several houses in our area are currently condemned and uninhabitable, but thankfully, no one we know of got hurt. I bought a small generator a few years ago, so we had power for the fridge, a lamp, and a TV (with rabbit ears) in the kitchen. I also kept a fire going in the fireplace and put a personal space heater under the kitchen table. The front room stayed near 60 degrees, but the bedrooms dropped to 50, so we slept in our recliners at night. Heroic power company crews came from Oregon, western Washington, and British Columbia. They replaced our pole and hooked us up again on Sunday. The cable line went down with the power pole, but cell phones are keeping us online. I’m using the hotspot feature to connect my laptop. Comcast won’t be here until next week. My biggest issue was that I had to run an extension cord to my powered recliner. First world problems, I guess.  |
| Reposted from Real Fake News: Atheists Hail Trump Victory by staff reporter Dee S. Gustin “I admit that President Trump's recent legal setbacks gave me pause," confessed prominent disbeliever Ida Noe. "I almost lost doubt. But I know now that I should never have been tempted to believe. Donald J. Trump is proof positive that there is no God. Case closed." "I thank Satan," declared MAGA evangelist Franklin Graham. "There is no tangible proof of God's existence, but you get real value when you consign your soul to Hell. The 2024 election is a complete vindication of self-interest, and I expect to do very well for myself in Donald Trump's America. It's time to tear down the wall that separates Church and State. MAGA patriots need a dependable pastor to absolve their sins, and I would be proud to be the first televangelist to hold a cabinet post (hint, hint). “What did you all expect,” laughed the Prince of Darkness. "Did you really think that foolish idealism could overcome my beautiful evil? I've invested decades in that orange moron and I'm not letting it go to waste. Together we'll defeat the forces of God, and the reaping will be sweet!" |
| Being MAGA means never having to love your neighbor. - The Gospel of Trump At a glance, MAGA seems like a reasonable slogan. Who wouldn't want to Make America Great? But then there's that negating word, Again. Why add Again, why not just MAG? In this context, Again means not now. So, MAGA really means America is not great. That isn't necessarily a terrible thing to say. Certainly, there's room for improvement. But 'America's next Hitler' falls far short of calling for improvement. At his rallies he uses words like failure, hellhole, and wasteland to describe America. His implication is clear: America Sucks. He follows up his disrespect with the claim that 'America's children have lost hope, there is no hope'. Again, he's being quite clear that MAGA really means America Sucks. His solutions? Concentration camps and deportation of immigrants. A federal sales tax (tariff's just another word for taxes we don't choose). A return to persecution based on gender, race, and political affiliation. An oppressive dictatorship with cultural police to enforce loyalty. And what about his personal commitment to improving America? He has never asked his base followers to make a personal sacrifice for their country. He's referred to military heroes as suckers and losers. He debases his presidency by hawking infomercial crap to the gullible. And. when asked if he learned from the supposed assassination attempt, he replied 'maybe I'm worse'. The greatest contribution America has given the world are these lines from the Declaration of Independence: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. America does not suck. But that may not always be the case. The MAGAnoughts deny the truth that all are created equal. They seek the power to deny these unalienable rights not just to immigrants, but to any who dare oppose them. A victory for this negative agenda would be an affront to the Creator and an end to the ideal of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Whether we are conservative or liberal, religious or secular, gay or straight, we should all be united in our desire to preserve the American dream. We hold this dream not just for ourselves, but in trust for generations to come. 250 years of hard-won progress toward equality and justice for all races and creeds must not be thrown away. Let's all move forward together with one common agreement: America does not suck! /size} |
| Rules are for suckers, laws are for losers! - The Gospel of Trump Do you remember the term “Moral Majority”? How about “Bible Belt”? Younger folks probably don’t know these terms from the Reagan era. I admit, I was taken in by those ‘good’ folks who made a show of going to church and promoting family values. Meanwhile, their candidate smirked about how clever it was to sell illegal drugs to finance illegal espionage activity. His administration set a record for indictments that is only now in danger of being broken. I didn’t always agree with their conservative views, but I really thought the moral majority were good people at heart. That quaint term is no longer in style. It's been replaced by a ‘me first’ philosophy in which winning is the only measure of success, the ends justify the means, and corruption is king. Today we suffer the tyranny of a self-righteous and entitled minority who dictate rules of behavior for others without even a pretense of personal decency or respect for the law on their part. Con artists, tax cheats, liars, and racists are tolerated as long as they win. Or even if they merely tell outrageous lies about winning. This base attitude extends even to the extent of supporting violent insurrection to overturn the presidential election and seize power. And, if anyone doubts their intentions, the amoral minority has published a plan, Project 2025, that outlines a return to a white patriarchy. It would be more accurate to call it Project 1825. Women, immigrants, and the poor would be reduced to second-class citizens with few rights and little opportunity. It’s often glossed over in American History classes, but only free, male landholders were allowed to vote under the original U.S. constitution. That is what Project 2025 envisions for our future. This amoral minority is led by a base man who argued before the Supreme Court that he is above the law, even to the extent of assassinating his political enemies. Six conservative justices, all members of what used to be called the moral majority, found in his favor. These same six justices handed down a separate ruling that public officials may legally accept ‘gifts’ from political supporters. To connect the dots, the second ruling made them immune from prosecution for accepting a bribe in return for the first ruling. There is credible evidence that the amoral minority will disrupt the 2024 election and put the choice in the hands of the House of Representatives. A conservative majority could then disregard the will of the voters and put their candidate into office, even if he loses by a landslide. The corrupt majority of the Supreme Court is expected to uphold this quasi-legal insurrection and confirm the destruction of western democracy. I don’t really understand why good people do bad things. People I once respected now seem stranger and more foreign to me than Haitian immigrants. But there is always hope. The media spotlights the lies about eating pets because a train wreck draws viewers. But in the background is a story of real Christian charity. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that in Springfield, Ohio, there are good people who’ve supported and defended a group of refugees seeking their God-given right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My hope is that the amoral minority will fade away much like the Nazi’s after WWII. In twenty years, few of them will admit that they were once ‘good Germans’ who stood by and did nothing as their neighbors were murdered. They'll pretend, even to themselves, that they never supported insurrection and never voted for a dictator. When questioned by their children, they’ll repeat the line they’ve learned from their leader: “I never knew the man.” |
| Reposted from Real Fake News: I Am America's Himmler! Vance to take active role in the new Reich by staff reporter Ariel Quisling "I can honestly say that Donald Trump has an incredible record of success," vice-presidential candidate J. D. Vance told a panel of Faux news-actors. "He has pushed and strained to create a movement, and I am proud to be his number two. Every great movement needs a guy who can handle the paperwork. My clerical background will make me invaluable to President Trump as he does his business on the resolute desk." Vance basked in the reflected orange glow as the Faux News hosts took turns praising the brilliant Trump campaign strategy of demeaning women and insulting veterans. The interview wasn't all softballs, however. When asked about earlier criticism of the failed ex-president, Vance claimed to have been an 'always-Trumper' from infancy. "No one has loved President Trump longer or more deeply than me. Certainly not his many ex-wives and mistresses. Not even Kim Jong Un. People misunderstood when I compared my favorite president to Adolf Hitler. That was actually a compliment. Hitler was a stable genius who made Germany great again and President Trump will do even better. Donald Trump is twice the leader that Hitler was. In his second term, he'll make America great again, again! Hitler may have been a good speaker, but The Donald has much bigger crowds, and crowd size matters, believe me! But even so, The President can't do everything by himself. There's just not enough time in the day after golf and watching Faux News for the president to oversee internment camps and mass deportations. So, like Hitler, President Trump needs a second-in-command who's willing to do what's necessary to get the job done. I'm that go-to guy. I am America's Himmler!" Author's note: ▼ |
| In the beginning was the lie, and the lie was with Trump, and the lie was Trump. - The Gospel of Trump There's a certain presidential candidate who is being accused of being a DEI hire. The acronym isn't being used in the sense of diversity, equity, and inclusion, but rather as an insult meaning 'didn't earn it'. The insult is meant to demean a woman who achieved exemplary grades throughout her academic career and passed the bar to become a successful attorney. A woman who prosecuted felons instead of becoming one and then went on to a distinguished political career. The implication of DEI in this context is that she somehow doesn't deserve the credit due for her hard work and impressive accomplishments. But what about the other guy? What has he earned? He's never had an interview for a real job, never had to punch a time clock, and never had to submit to a performance review. He's a real estate developer who's never designed a building or hammered a nail. A golf resort magnate who never laid out a course or put down a single piece of sod. A politician who's never won the most votes in a general election. This failed, one term, ex-president claims to hold a business degree, but there is no proof that he actually received one. There's no proof because a legal injunction was filed to prevent the school from releasing his records. We can only speculate that his grades were embarrassingly poor, and that his transcript would show that he 'didn't earn it'. It's very possible that he benefited from what is known as the gentleman's C. That's the practice of moving wealthy or well-connected white boys through the academic system whether they attend classes or not. It would be difficult to prove, but if true, then he definitely didn't earn it. This same presidential candidate who rants about being treated unfairly relied on his father to jump-start his business career. He was gifted seed money from daddy rather than earning it. His father also provided him with access to real businessmen, pressured banks, and co-signed loans on his behalf. His start in business was handed to him on a silver platter, he didn't earn it. But even with the advantages of wealth and political connections, he managed to lose much of his father's net worth with a string of poor investments and multiple bankruptcies. One of his biggest personal successes was a stock company, DJT, that lured gullible investors to put their money into literally nothing. The company never offered any products or services, and never showed a profit. But the bankruptcy of DJT netted huge profits for its CEO, Donald J. Trump. In addition to taking millions in salary, Trump sold his own over-mortgaged properties to DJT at inflated prices. This paper shuffle left investors with ten cents on their dollar. DJT ceased to exist, and Trump received hundreds of millions without earning it. The supposedly spontaneous announcement of Donald Trump's presidential career was cheered and applauded, but the adoring crowd was mostly made up of paid actors. This startling fact came to light because he tried to stiff them, and the subsequent lawsuit became public record. The applause for his candidacy wasn't earned. It wasn't even paid for. Eventually, this serial fraud was appointed to the highest office in America by the electoral college. He was elevated over a better qualified candidate who received 5 million more votes. He may have been president, but he certainly didn't earn it. Now Donald J. Trump is running again, and he's running scared. His only realistic hope of avoiding a federal prison term is to pardon himself. He's already promised pardons to co-conspirators at all levels, from convicted capitol rioters to corrupt supreme court justices. And he's threatening retribution against all who dare to oppose him. Trump recently said in an interview that he's going to get nastier in his quest to regain power. As if he isn't already the nastiest politician we've ever seen. Trump could be an insult comic, but his jabs are mean rather than funny. He's never been known to apologize or say the word please. Donald Trump may demand your vote, but he certainly hasn't earned it. |
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