Let's count again

My stomach is still hurting.
It really is a mess.
That surgery was not much fun;
I’m aching, I confess.

I asked for liposuction -
remove some of the fat.
I let myself get out of shape;
I’m not so proud of that.

I didn’t know the doctor,
just met him once before.
But now when looking back on it
I should have checked some more.

I thought it would be easy -
just slice and suck and sew.
That tells you what a dope I am,
how little that I know.

A scalpel may be missing.
They aren’t really sure.
They counted five when they began,
but… now there are just four.

And they’re all looking at me,
with nurses all around.
I heard somebody whisper that
some scissors can’t be found.

And there’s a sponge still absent.
Maybe they counted wrong.
But they can’t find it anywhere,
not where it should belong.

They’re sending me to x-ray.
They have to check things out.
They smiled and said there’s nothing wrong.
But I still have some doubt.

I know there is a problem
that they won’t talk about.
It seems they left more stuff in me
than they have taken out.

I’ll have to call a lawyer
to see what he can do.
While they clear up inside my gut
he’ll clear my wallet, too.

But I might need that lawyer
to help with my estate.
I’m in the ICU room now;
I hope he’s not too late.

I guess it is my own fault.
I made some bad mistakes.
I always satisfied myself
with cookies and with cakes.

If I had been less greedy
and maybe smarter, too,
I never would be in this mess.
It’s not too late for you.

Don’t let this happen to you.
Be sure to take more care.
And if you do need surgery?
Then kneel and say a prayer.