Shout Into the Void

Dear friend,
Where did you go? When will you return? I know that you would never leave me in a time like this, a time when I need you most. You are my best friend--my only friend. Surely you would never reduce me to absolute solitude.
Why won't you answer me? You're probably just busy. I understand that your life is hectic and you have much more problems than I, problems that I can't even help you with. I know I never say the right things, I'm so sorry for that. But I try my best, I really do. I try to understand, I try to give advice, I always listen, I am always there for you. But where are you now that I need you?
I'm sure you will answer me soon. I miss you.

Dear bitch,
I see that you are doing just fine without me, you have outgrown me, just like everyone else. You are a liar. You don't care about me, you never cared about me, did you? Well that's fine, I don't need you anyways. I hope you have a wonderful life without me because I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Should I say it again? I hate you.
I hope that your new friends can put up with your shit for as long as I did. I hope they answer your calls at 2am like I did. I hope they can talk you off of that ledge like I did over, and over, and over again. But clearly that meant nothing to you.
Have a wonderful life. I hope that I never see you again. And I hope that one day, when you realize how shitty you have been and pick up your phone to call me, you cry when you discover that I have blocked you out of my life completely.
I am done letting people walk all over me. I don't need you. I don't need anyone.

Dear friend,
I had a dream about you last night. You found yourself in California and I ran into you while carrying on with my life. We hugged and then I woke up. I hate to admit the fact that I still think about you constantly. Though I have never had my heart broken romantically, I have had my fair share of friendship breakups to know what it feels like to lose a piece of you. You stole a piece of me and I want it back.
I would give anything to be able to talk to you right now, to just talk about nothing and everything, pick up exactly where we left off like no time ever passed since the last time we were in contact. I would give anything to go back in time and not be such a pest, to have not blocked all of your socials and your number.
I miss you, now more than ever before. Please God, if there is a God, bring me back my sister, because that's what you were to me...

Dear stranger,
I have found sleep practically unobtainable lately. I lay awake through long hours of the night, tossing and turning, plagued by memories. I miss the way that things used to be. I miss having someone that I could talk to about anything. Did I overshare with you? Did I ask you for help too often? Was I becoming a burden to you as I have to so many others? God, why do I do this? Why do I drive everyone away?
I am so sorry that I was not a better friend to you. I don't deserve you anyways. You always knew the right things to say, half the time I couldn't even say anything. I'm sure talking to me eventually felt like a chore, I understand the feeling well. I understand why you stopped responding to my messages. I probably would have too.
I see that you are doing much better without me, the pattern continues.
Maybe if I wasn't so annoying we'd still be friends. Who knows?
I'm sorry. For everything.

Dear old friend,
Things are going better for me now. I have changed a lot, matured a lot. I think you would be proud of me. Maybe that was my issue before, I was always searching for approval in people I didn't need it from. You were one of them. I always thought of you as the big sister I never had, but I don't think I was ever really family to you. I still have that note you sent me for my birthday all those years ago--I say that as if I am so much older and wiser now. Truth is, it's only been, what, like three years? Not long in the grand scheme of things, but much too long to go without talking to someone who was once your best friend and expect them to still be. I'm sure you're not even the same person you were then, I know I'm not.
I understand that people grow apart, it happens all the time. I have experienced it over, and over, and over again. I like to say that I'm numb to it now, but I don't think anyone ever really gets used to the feeling of people leaving them.
I wish that I could tell you I love you or that I miss you, but I really don't think I do. Truth is, our friendship was never built to last. You and I are too different. The distance between us never exactly helped either. We just simply gave into the inevitable end. It was a good friendship while it lasted, you taught me a lot. You made me laugh, cry, smile, scream. You were the best friend that I ever had, no matter how short a time we were in each other's lives.
Thank you for giving me the chance to get to know you, and I am sorry that things didn't work out. I do often wonder if you ever hurt the way that I did, but I don't really care either.
Maybe we'll meet some day again, but for now I'm letting you and all of our memories go. It's time for me to move on, as I'm sure you already have.