Cool anymore

I'm grateful for the newsfeed challenge "Note: 48-HOUR CHALLENGE : Media Prompt Deadl...". I hadn't heard the song before, and I find I love it!

"You don't have to be cool anymore" is such a powerful affirmation of acceptance. It's simply put, but the idea behind it is that one person doesn't have to pretend in order to gain another's approval. What the lyrics say is - you don't have to SHOW how cool you are.

I think this brings us to the definition, and levels, of 'cool'.

The initial level is the one which is immediately apparent. The look, the walk, the talk. Prettiness, a confident posture and a pleasing voice form part of this level of 'cool'. It includes clothes and accessories.

The thing about this level is, while it initially attracts, it isn't enough. I think this is the level the lyrics talk of discarding as a relationship progresses.

The next level is understanding each other's needs and trying to meet them. Material or physical needs, intellectual needs, emotional needs. Thinking of the other, putting the other before self and meeting the other's needs. That's the next level of 'cool'. It's not immediately apparent, the effort may not be visible.

As we go deeper, we reach a level of trust with the other ... it may be called 'taking for granted', but if it's mutual and somewhat equal, I would say it's a deep level of 'cool'. You KNOW the other person will do the right thing under the circumstances, you don't need to question their judgement or intention.

So I guess the lyrics are not about BEING cool, they're about going to levels of cool where cool isn't apparent or singled out as being important anymore -- it's so much a fabric of the relationship that it is invisible.

Let's look at what happens in such a situation. Let's say there's a married couple and one of them falls sick and needs help with getting food or medicines. If the spouse is still at the first level of 'cool' and attempting to prettify her/himself, ignoring the actual needs, it truly ISN'T cool. What is needed is food or help with medication, not perfectly curled hair or matched accessories.

This is how many a relationship deteriorates or breaks - when one or both members in a couple are not in synch about the definition of 'cool'. When once, chocolates or roses were the height of 'cool', but now they just add unwanted calories or clutter and what is needed is help with the dishes or the kids' homework. Or, conversely, when this help is given but not defined as 'cool' and chocolates and roses are still craved.

Human beings change. Circumstances change. The world changes.

Let's stay 'COOL', but let's allow the definition and expression of 'COOL' to change as needed.