Renewed Possibilities

New day, new thoughts, new possibilities, renewed strength..... She awoke to the sun glistening onto her eyes through the cracks between the curtains. She had slept well. It took a couple of seconds to look around and remember. Then it came back to her, like a cataract of water pouring over a broken dam. But she didnt feel sadness anymore, it was gone. The anger remained; although more subdued and passive. It was acting as a balm, soothing her unseen wounds and filling her heart and mind with a renewed sense of strength and conviction. She was free now. She had her independence again, to go where she pleased, do what she wanted.

She was going to change herself. Have a makeover of sorts. She was free to live her life on her terms. She decided that she was going to have a brand new perspective to life. With that thought in mind, she got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. There was a spring in her step and could feel the happiness creeping into her as she brushed and showered. Today was going to be a good day. A large sumptuous breakfast was on the cards today. As she descended the staircase to the kitchen, she contemplated on her feel good breakfast. She smiled to herself.
"Alexa, play the Feelin' Good playlist"A moment later Johnny Nash fills the room singing; "I can see clearly now the rain is gone..." and she hummed her way through her breakfast.

She goes through the playlist right through breakfast. Midway through breakfast, she has an epiphany and smiles with excitement. She finishes up breakfast, books a ticket to her favourite destination. Living life on her terms felt good. She refused to dwell on the past. What he did to her....what they did to her. She was her best friend, her go-to person, he is the love of her life. Correction; was the love of her life. She stopped and shook the feeling off. Don't dwell on the past, she chided herself. Walking back upstairs, she starts planning. She packs a suitcase for one. Then looks around, wondering what to do next. Standing in the middle of the bedroom, she looks at herself in the mirror. Self doubt starts creeping in. With a renewed conviction, she gets into the car and drives to the saloon. Two hours later she walks out of the saloon with highlights on her hair. Her long thick black hair, styled and replaced with a beautiful hazelnut coloured sun kissed curls.

Hunger creeps in and she decides to go for lunch. Twenty mins later, she's sitting in her favourite restaurant eating a bowl of spaghetti bolognese and a glass of red wine. Italian cuisine has always been her favourite. As she savoured her meal, she was acutely aware of the people around her staring her way. A waiter walking from the far end was watching her. A couple of guys at the bar counter were smiling at her. Her changed looks were working its charm and she felt elated and on top of the world.
As the waiter approached closer she realised that his stare was affixed somewhere behind her and not on her. It dawned on her at that moment, that everyone's eyes were not transfixed on her beautiful looks but on something behind her. As she turned herself to see what had captured everyone's attention, she heard a familiar laughter and froze. She'd recognise that voice anywhere.

His voice locked in the corner recesses of her mind suddenly became clearer. Part of her willed herself not to look but her curiosity got the better of her. She turned her body and tilted slightly, only to see the two of them in a far corner booth together. He was nibbling at her ear and whispering sweet nothings into them while she bit the left side of her lip, a half smile and a face completely flushed indicating only one thing. From her tilt to view them she could clearly see their posture under the table. She heartwrenchingly pieced together what was happening. She turned her gaze back to her bowl of half eaten spaghetti. Suddenly it seemed tasteless. The waiter came to her table, probably seeing her ashen face. She motioned for him to get the bill. Once presented, she quickly paid by cash and quietly and quickly stumbled out of the door, fished for her keys in her purse through her streaming eyes and hurried herself to the car.

She sat in the car frozen. The only thing that moved were her tears streaming down her face. She sat there like that staring at the restaurant door forever. She saw them leave together, along with all the other diners. She sat there until she could no longer see clearly outside. The sky dissipated from a sunny sky to a gradual darkness. She barely made it home. All seemed lost suddenly. She staggered her way into the house and up to her room. She saw the packed suitcase at the side of the bedroom door. Suddenly she remembered all her plans and her possibilities. She sank to the floor with face in her hands crying profusely.

She sat there until her eyes were dried and she could cry no more. She had lost her strength today....again. Everyday she tried. Everyday posed a new obstacle. The city was filled with memories of them and like today, actual encounters with them and her renewed energy suddenly was lost. She gradually made her way to the bed, pulled off the covers and slid under. Another day was lost trying to move on. As she closed her crying and exhausted eyes, she promised herself that tomorrow would be a better day, a new day with new thoughts, plans, possibilities and another try at renewed strength.