What It Look Like?

WHAT IT LOOK LIKE

          Red stood outside the car, hands resting atop the sill of the rolled down driver’s window. “Stay sharp.” He pointed to the driver, a dark skinned hawk faced man with slanted almond eyes. “Walter, you hear me?”
         Walter nodded. “Yeah, I hear ya.”
         “I’on’t wanna hear no ‘I hear you’ shit,” Red hissed. “Keep your eyes open out here. Hey!” He smacked the roof of the car. “You listenin’?”
         “I said yeah nigga, damn.” Walter lifted a gun from his lap. “See? I’m ready.”
         Red grunted, redirecting his attention to the backseat where a pretty light skinned woman sat. She wore a rust colored dress with gold flecked throughout that caught the pale street lights every time she moved and glinted in the darkness. “I ain’t gon’ be too long.” He pointed to the front seat. “Keep an eye on Walter for me.”
         Walter half turned, frowning. “Man, I’on’t need nobody keepin’ they damn eye on me.”
         “Stay outta other folk conversations,” Red admonished before turning his attention back to the woman. “You gon’ do that for me, Sugah?”
         She nodded, trying not to appear nervous.
         “Man, I tole you I’on’t need nobody watchin’ me. Shit, I should be goin’ with you. You know how these fools from Alabama is.”
         Red winked at the woman. “I ain’t never had no trouble with no ‘Bama Boys.”
         Walter grunted. “Not yet you ain’t.” He wagged a finger. “You gon’ see. Them niggas is shady.”
         The woman made a face, peering at Red. “I thought you told me you were from Alabama.”
         “Born there,” Red affirmed, “but I grew up ‘round LaGrange, over there in Troup County ‘bout…sixty miles west of here.”
         Walter moved the steering wheel back and forth exaggeratedly. “You gon’ at least leave me the key?”
         “What you need the key for? Y’all plan on goin’ somewhere?“ He nudged the woman. “This fool done sweet talked you away from me already Ruth Ann?”
         Walter twisted in his seat again. “What if sumthin’ jump off?”
         Red shrugged. “You got a gun, don’t’cha?”
         Walter nodded. “You know I do.”
         “Well there you go then.” He leaned in, giving Ruth Ann a peck on the lips. “Sit tight Sugah. I’ll be right back.”
         Red had been gone a little over ten minutes before Walter said, “So, how you know Red?” When she didn’t respond right away he twisted around to look at her. “Well? How you know’im?”
         After a moment’s hesitation she answered, “I met him at work.”
         “Where you work at?” When she didn’t answer right away he snorted, shaking his head. “Damn girl, why you makin’ it so hard? You think I’m gonna stop by your job or sumthin’?”
         She shook her head. “No. I just…”
         “I mean you fine and all,” he interrupted, “but I wouldn’t mess with you at yo’ job.” When she didn’t respond, he shook his head, swiveling back around to face forward again. “Why you yella’ bitches be so stuck up all the damn time? Actin’ like y’all shit don’t stank.”
         “Probably ‘cause we don’t like bein’ called yella’ bitches. How ‘bout that?”
         Walter’s twisted in his seat again, eyes widening in surprise. He laughed. “Oh shit, there she go.” He clapped. “Yo’ lil’ ass speak yo’ mind, don’t’cha?” He smiled broadly, nodding. “I like that.”
         Ruth Ann pursed her lips, leaning back and folding her arms. “I could give a damn what you like.”
         “Hold on now,” Walter, spread his arms, “I was just playin’ with you girl, I ain’t mean no harm.”
         “You called me a ‘yella’ bitch’ is what you did, but you didn’t mean no harm?” She puffed at him. “How does that work?”
         “Aw c’mon now, you know I ain’t mean no harm, shit.”
         She shook her head, turning to look out the rear passenger window. “My whole life colored folk been tellin’ me I ain’t colored enough. My hair too straight. My skin too light. My eyes too green. My nose too thin or I just look too damn white for they likin’. Women wanna either scratch my eyes out or scratch my skin up so they can feel better ‘bout they self ‘cause now I’m all scarred up. Shit, I ain’t the one told their man to look my way or walk over and try and talk to me. But, if I don’t at least talk to’em? Then I gotta hear ‘bout how I think I’m too good for’em. ‘Hey Redbone’ she mimicked. ‘Hey there Lightskin, how you?” She shook her head. “Talkin’ at me like I ain’t a person. Like all I am is my color. Actin’ like these crackas wouldn’t be just as quick to string one of us up as them if the mood hit’em.”
         Walter smirked, shaking his head.
         She turned to look at him, frowning. “What?”
         “First you don’t wanna talk, now yo’ ass don’t wanna’ shut up, damn.” He laughed. “How long you been holdin’ on to all that? Huh?”
         “Who say I been holdin’ on to it?” She countered. “How you know I don’t have call to say this to somebody every day?”
         He blew air. “You tryin’ to tell me every colored person you know be given’ yo ass a hard time? Ain’t no way I’ma believe that.”
         “Course they don’t.” She looked back off into the night. “But enough do.” She sighed.
         “What?”
         She shook her head. “Nothing.”
         “C’mon girl. What?”
         She looked back at him again. “You laugh but you don’t know what it’s like always havin’ to prove yourself to your own people. You gotta sing louder, shout harder and anytime sumthin’ come up with somebody that ain’t colored you gotta always stand ready to help do sumthin’ about it. And the whole time? The whole time you can feel those same colored folk lookin’...just waitin’ on you to slip up and do sumthin’ white, whatever the hell that mean.”
          “Hell, we all hafta deal wit’ that. People gon’ always try’n judge you if they can.”
         “True enough,” she conceded. But, I’ll bet that - with you, it’s just them thinkin’ you bein’ stupid or havin’ a bad idea. With me or somebody like me? We ain’t colored no more and this? This just another test we done failed.”
         He was silent a moment, watching her face. “Can’t be that bad,” he ventured. “I mean…I can kinda see whatchu talkin’ ‘bout wit’ how some women can get, ‘cause I seen it a few times. But, you sayin’ men be actin’ like that too?”
         “Hell yes,” she laughed. “‘Til y’all want some pussy. Oh, we plenty colored enough then…or white enough dependin’ on what y’all like.”
         Walter didn’t respond. Neither of them speaking for a time.
         “My mama…” she paused as if she were choosing her words next words carefully. “My mama was raped by the white man she worked for when she was thirteen.” She shrugged. “She had me a month before she turned fourteen.” She shook her head. “And, the day I was born? Her people kicked her and her ‘white baby’ out they house.”
         “Shit,” was all Walter offered in response to that.
         “Her grandma took us in but told her, and me the whole time we was there, a bastard child can’t enter into the kingdom of heaven. Ain’t that some shit to tell a mama about her child? Ain’t that some shit to tell the child?”
         “That yo’ way of sayin’ you don’t go to church?”
         She shook her head, smiling. “Sho’ll don’t.”
         “So…,” he gestured around them, “when all this said and done and we both in hell, can I give you a call then?”
         They both laughed at that until the night exploded, the interior of the vehicle filling with a mixture of light and thunder which set the night ablaze before her eyes, her laughter turning into a loud wailing scream.
         She looked at Walter, a gaping hole hollowing out his cheek exposing the wreck that was the right side of his face. She couldn’t turn away as he writhed and twisted in pain, hands reaching up to the side of his face that now painted half of the windshield and the passenger’s side of the front seat, bits of bone and teeth speckling the gore. A moment later Walter’s body started to convulse, making Ruth Ann scream even an acrid smell burnt the inside of her nostrils making her eyes water. She felt the car lurch, the back door nearest her swinging open. The next thing she knew she was being wrenched from the vehicle, her stomach going all queasy as she dropped from the seat to the concrete, her right buttocks and side hitting the concrete hard. She felt herself being dragged, the new dress sliding across the pavement making a soft scraping sound beneath her. It wasn’t until she was slapped that she realized her assailant was speaking to her.
         “Where he at?!” the face before her hissed through yellowed teeth.
         She stared up dumbly, earning herself another slap, this one making her teeth rattle.
         “Don’t make me ask you again you lil’ high yella bitch! Where that nigga Red at?”
         “I don’t know!” she blurted at the sight of the hand rising to strike her again. The man jerked her arm roughly.
         “What was y’all doing here then, huh?” He turned, his eyes darting about them wildly. “That nigga ‘round here somewhere ain’t he?” He yanked her halfway up from the ground, “Ain’t he?!”
         “I don’t know!” she whimpered, ducking her head, trying to shield her face. “I don’t know! He just said to wait!”
         The man released her wrist, backhanding her down to the ground. “Lyin’ yella bitch!” he hissed. “I know yo’ lil’ ass lyin’!”
         “I don’t know where he at!” Ruth Ann repeated, curling up into a ball. “I swear to God, I don’t know!”
         “Girl,” the man said, reaching down to snatch her up again. “Get’cho ass u…”
         That was as far as he got before he collapsed on top of Ruth Ann, his face smacking into the pavement flush. She cracked her eyes open, watching as Red bent down, smashing something into the back of the man’s head, over and over again, his hand rising and falling quickly. “Here I go muthafucka!” Red shouted. “Here I go!”
         Ruth Ann grimaced at the wet sound the weapon made as it smacked against the pulp that was the back of the man’s head. The sound stopped abruptly and she saw Red straighten, sliding the weapon into his pocket before wiping bloody hands clean with a handkerchief. He cast the cloth aside, smoothing his conked hair back off his forehead before looking down at her as if he were noticing her for the first time.
         “Girl, I ain’t buy you that dress for yo’ ass to just be rollin’ round on the ground in it.” He stepped over the body, peering through the front passenger door. “Damn, Walter. I told yo’ ass to stay sharp.” He turned back to the man on the ground, kneeling and rifling through his pockets, relieving them of their contents before rising and opening the passenger, dragging Walter’s lifeless form out to lie next to the other. “Bring yo’ ass girl,” he chirped, walking to the driver’s side door and sliding in.
         As the vehicle roared to life, Ruth Ann rose to her feet sliding back into the back seat and closing the door behind her. Red drove them for a few blocks before dipping into a side street. He jumped out, grabbing rags from the trunk, quickly giving the front seat and dashboard a quick wipe down. Ruth Ann watched wordlessly. When was done, he chucked the rags out the passenger window, and they continued on their way, staying to the back alleys and side streets. After a few minutes Red guided them onto Auburn Avenue. Ruth Ann knew where they were when she saw the Herndon building come and go as they drove by in silence.
         “Where are we going?”
         “Huh?”
         “Where are we going?” she repeated.
         “Oh,” Red glanced at her in the rearview, “I’on’t’ know,” he shrugged, “what’chu feelin’ in the mood for? I hear they got Charles Brown playin’ over at the Peacock. Or, if you’ve a mind to, we can hit up Ray Lee’s.” He shook his head. “That damn Walter woulda’ wanted to go to The Domino Lounge over at there at the Imperial Hotel or the Gypsy Room, down there at the Clermont? Shit, I ain’t spendin’ my money to watch no heffas shake they ass.” He laughed, half turning in his seat again to look at her. “‘Specially not when I got a fine looking woman wit’ me. Now, ain’t that right?’
         Ruth Ann couldn’t believe her ears. “You still wanna go out?” she asked. “After all of that?”
         “All of what?” Red said. “You talmbout Walter and that fool? Shit girl, that kinda thing just happen. What’chu ‘spect? Any time a nigga see another nigga got sumthin’ he wanna take it,” he declared. “That’s just how it is.’
         “But..”
         “But what?” he said, interrupting her. “You sayin’ you don’t wanna go? Why the hell you think I bought you that dress?”
         “But Walter,” she said. “What about Walter?”
         “What about him?,” Red snorted. “Shit, he ain’t comin’.”
         Ruth Ann couldn’t hide her incredulity at his dismissiveness, “How can you say something like that? Wasn’t Walter your friend?”
         Red shrugged, “As much as he could be,” he said.
         “What does that mean?” she asked.
         “What’chu think it mean?” Red asked, pulling into a parking lot, screeching to a stop. He left the engine idling, turning in his seat to look at her. “Look’a here,” he said. “Walter was alright, and it ain’t like I’m glad he dead or nuthin’ like that but that nigga gone, and you and me sittin’ here cryin’ ‘bout it ain’t gon bring his black ass back.”
         Ruth Ann shook her head. “So if that had been you…”
         “I’d expect him to go on ‘bout his bidness and do what he gotta do. Maybe have hisself a drank and get some pussy for the both of us.” When he saw the look of disgust on her face, he shook his head disapprovingly. “You think he ain’t know what could happen ridin’ wit’ me? Huh? You sittin’ here feelin’ sorry for him ‘cause he got capped? Girl, you know how many fools Walter put on they back? Huh? And I ain’t just talkin’ ‘bout men,” he added. “What? He make you laugh or sumthin’? You think he like you?” He scoffed. “That man was just tryin’ to get in yo’ pants.”
         “Still,” she said.
         “Bitch,” Red cut in, all semblance of civility gone. “You knows who I is. You knows what I do. Don’t sit there now tryin’ to act brand new.” He turned, smacking the steering wheel hard. “You think all it was gon’ be was pretty dresses and fancy restaurants?” He shook his head, “Yo’ ass can’t be that stupid.”
         “I just...,” Ruth Ann stammered. “I just didn’t know it’d be like this.”
         Red looked out the window without saying anything for a while, his fingers tapping the steering column lightly. “Take off that dress.”
         Ruth Ann wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. “What?”
         “You heard me,” he said. “Take off that damn dress and get out the car.”
         “But…”
         “Girl, don’t make me have to come back there and take it off your ass myself.”
         Ruth Ann was going to protest but thought better of it and just did as she was told. Obediently, she handed the dress to him over the seat before opening the door and stepping from the vehicle. Red inspected the garment, satisfied that other than a little dirt, it appeared to be none the worse for wear. Ruth Ann stood by the car in silence, eyes brimming with tears from the shame of it, hugging herself tightly. Red looked at her with baleful, slitted eyes his right hand fingering the grip of the pistol he had tucked in his belt.
         “Everybody want what it look like, he said, “but don’t nobody want what it be like.” He gave her a final once over before shifting the car into drive and screeching away to leave her standing there wearing nothing but her shift.