Love is My Life Now

                     Love is My Life Now


     “I’m a romantic. I have been one for as long as I can
remember. It all started for me when I was around ten. And I
had my first love,” says Rachel Ketton.

     “I know that everyone has their first crush on someone
at around ten,” says Rachel. “And how dangerous that is
nowadays. Especially, if it involves a teacher or neighbor.
But that isn’t how it was for me. That’s because I was very,
very shy back then. My love affair was from a distance.”

     Rachel takes a deep breath and takes it out slowly
before she continues. “Three houses away from me and on the
other side of the street to be exact. He was about sixteen.
I know that because I saw him driving several times. And I
was just barely ten. So, I knew that it wouldn’t last. But
that’s not how I felt at that time.”

     “Maybe in a couple of years when I’m twelve he may have
noticed me. He might have been interested in me. But back
then I don’t even think he knew that I existed. If he did,
I was just a little kid to him.” Rachel stops again to take
another breath.

     “My mother was very pretty back then. So, I figured
that I was going to be just as pretty when I got a little
older too. And I did. I look almost identical to her. Only a
whole lot younger,” says Rachel.

     Rachel sighs. “But it was all for nothing. By the time
I was twelve, he was eighteen. Even if there was a chance
that he would have loved me back, it wouldn’t have mattered.
As soon as he graduated, he moved away. And I haven’t seen
him since then.”

     “Of course, I still had middle school, high school, and
my young adulthood to find love again. And I did. I found it
about fifty times over the last fourteen years. But they
never lasted for very long,” says Rachel.

     “They all ended the same way. Especially, the middle
school and high school ones. But even as a young adult, it
was because I wouldn’t have sex with them,” says Rachel as
she takes another deep breath. “I wanted to save myself
until I found my one true love. And look at what happened
when I did that.”

     Dr. Janus Brandon sits up in the chair he’s in across
from Rachel and leans forward with his face in his hands and
his elbows on his knees. “Speaking of what happened, what
did happen to them?”

     “This is our third session together,” says Janus. “And
they have been all the same too. For most of those sessions,
you say nothing. Then with about ten minutes left of it, you
have told me the same thing every time. When are you going
to tell me, what happened?”

     “I am going to tell you what happened to them,” answers
Rachel. “I’m just not ready to do it yet.”

                             #

     Suddenly, Rachel stops her pacing around Dr. Janus’s
office. She walks up to him and places her hands on the arms
of the chair before she gets within an inch of his face.
“Will you stop asking me what happened.”

     “I will tell you when I’m ready to do it,” says Rachel.
“And I’m not ready to do that yet.”

     “Any idea when you will be ready?” Asks Janus.

     Rachel returns to the chair across from Janus. Only
after she sits down does she takes a few deep breaths. “I
don’t know how to answer that question because I don’t know
the answer to it right now.”

     Sliding down her chair until she’s almost straight, she
starts to take off her shirt. Janus runs to stop her from
doing that. “What are you doing?”

     “I’m going to rip open my chest,” answers Rachel. “And
show you that instead of a heart I have a fire where it used
to be.”

     “What are you talking about? Why are you telling me
this,” asks Janus?

     Rachel starts to remove her shirt again. “Because I
want to show you that I’m not crazy. I know that I don’t
have a fire within me. But I have felt that I do ever since
I found my true love. At least I thought that what he was.”

     “Go on,” says Janus. “It sounds like you are ready to
tell me what happened.”

     “Is that what I’m doing?” Rachel asks as she stops
taking off her shirt.

     Rachel looks up at Janus. “Maybe I am ready to tell you
what happened to them. Then again, maybe I’m not. I just
don’t know.”

     “Okay,” responds Janus. “I can work with that.”

     After several minutes, it’s Janus who speaks first.
“Now that you have sort of mentioned Gregory Stanton and
Tiffany Young, we can go on from there. When did you find
out about them?”

     “I didn’t say I was ready to talk about it yet,” says
Rachel. “And I’m not sure that I am.”

     “I’m sorry,” says Janus. “I thought you were ready.”

     No one says anything for several more minutes. Then
suddenly Rachel sighs. “It was a few days before it happened
that I found out about them.”

     “Gregory and I had been seeing each other for about six
months. And I thought everything was going okay. Then I went
over to his apartment one day. That’s when I saw them in his
bed together.”

     Janus looks at his watch. “It looks like our hour is
almost up for today. We will continue talking about this at
our next session tomorrow.”

     Rachel gets up and leaves. After opening the door, she
is greeted by two white-uniformed men. Once she is gone,
Janus gets up and stands in front of a large mirror. “I
think that everything is going quite well. It won’t be too
much longer before she admits to causing the fire in the
hearth that burned down Gregory and Tiffany’s house.”

                             #

     Gregory and Rachel are walking down a street with hands
clasped together between them. Suddenly, Gregory breaks that
connection. He cocks his head slightly and smiles at Tiffany
when she walks past them. Then he takes Rachel’s hand again
as they enter a restaurant.

     A hostess shows them to their table. Then the hostess
gives them their menus and leaves. After the hostess leaves,
Gregory and Rachel start looking at their menus. Rachel is
the first to order her food. Before and after they get their
meals, Gregory and Rachel talk to each other romantically.
Everything appears to be going great for them. But something
is wrong. Rachel can feel it. She doesn’t know what it is.
But she will. Sooner or later that feeling will be known. It
always does.

     Suddenly, she bows her head slightly to cover up the
smile on her face. It’s not that something is wrong. What
she is feeling is just the opposite. She has had this kind
of feeling before. But not as strong as it is right now.
Rachel isn’t just in love again. It’s true love. She has
found her one true love.

     After they eat, they go back to Gregory’s apartment.
They barely get in there before Gregory starts leading her
upstairs to his bedroom. He isn’t forcing her to go there.
But he is kind of pushing her slightly. Rachel breaks away
from his guidance and heads for his living room.

     “I understand,” says Gregory as he follows her. “Maybe
I am being just a little bit too pushy.”

     “It’s not that,” says Rachel as she sits down in one of
Gregory’s chairs. “I’m just not sure if I can go through
with it.”

     Rachel sighs. “You are my one true love. I can feel it.
But I don’t think that I’m ready to show you that love yet.”

     Gregory kneels on one knee in front of her and takes
her hands in his. “Don’t worry. We can wait until you are
ready. I know this will be your first time.”

     “Maybe I pushed you a little too hard,” says Gregory.
“I thought that you were ready.”

     After getting up, Gregory helps Rachel to stand up too.
“I’m getting tired anyway. Maybe we should call it a night.
Do you want me to drive you back to your place?”

     “No, I think I will walk back there,” says Rachel as
she heads for the front door. “It’s not that far. And I need
time to think about what I am feeling.”

     Once Rachel leaves, Tiffany comes in from another room.
“I thought you two were going to do it tonight. This is
taking too long. Maybe we should give up on her and go to
someone else.”

     Gregory looks at Tiffany and smiles. “No, her millions
are worth it. I will wait for as long as it takes to get all
of them too.”

                             #

     After leaving Gregory’s apartment, Rachel just walks
around for a couple of hours thinking about what is going on
with her. Is she wrong about Gregory being her one true
love? No, Gregory is her true love. She knows it. And she’s
going to prove it right now.

     Rachel knows what is wrong with her. Gregory is right.
It’s her first time. That is why she’s feeling this way.
Rachel returns to Gregory’s apartment. When she gets there,
the front door is slightly ajar. Is she the one who left it
that way? She doesn’t think she has. But she may have done
it, though.

     Once she enters she is about to announce that she’s
when she, she hears something from upstairs. She cautiously
walks up to the second floor of Gregory’s apartment. Once
there, she sees a light coming from one of the rooms there.
As she gets closer to it, she can see it’s a bedroom.

     After she gets to that light, Rachel peaks around the
frame of his bedroom door. Then she steps into the frame
when she sees he’s in bed with another woman. “I guess you
weren’t so tired after all.”

     Rachel turns and leaves. This time Rachel does go back
to her place. Crying all the way there. Even after getting
there, she continues to cry until she finally falls asleep
on her couch. The next day when she gets up, she is feeling
a lot better. So, he isn’t her true love. Her feeling that
something is wrong at the restaurant last night is true.

     What Rachel wants to know now is how long Gregory has
been seeing this other woman. Has it been before or since
they started seeing each other? That’s why she has returned
to his apartment. Rachel tries the front door. But now it’s
locked. So, she kicks it open.

     Just after she enters, she sees an almost empty bottle
of vodka on the bar and two glasses. One of the glasses has
lipstick on it. “It looks like they continued what they were
doing after I left last night.”

     Rachel picks up the bottle of vodka and smells what’s
still inside. “I don’t drink, but I think this is vodka.”

     Before she can do anything else, she hears something
from upstairs. “They are still here.”

     With anger on her face, Rachel throws the vodka at
the fireplace there. Sending what’s left of it all over that
room. Almost instantly there is fire everywhere. Rachel
looks up toward where Gregory and Tiffany are at. She looks
at the fire all around her too. Then she runs toward the
front door there.

     “Time is almost up for today,” says Janus. “We will
talk more about this in our next session.”

     After Rachel leaves, Janus gets up and looks at the
large mirror there. “I don’t think she started that fire on
purpose. It was just an accident. I’m sure we can let her
continue to heaven. After all, I also don’t think she knows
that only she and a cat died in that fire.”

                       Word Count = 1,994