Heavens-Above II...Jesus Returns

After the walls came down and all who thought they were the only ones in heaven were re-educated to the truth, things in heaven went back to a new normal.

God and Allah were still fishing and because it was empty anyway, Jesus did what he had dreamed of for so long and moved into the palace. Mohammad was as determined as ever to ensure equality for all who called heaven home, no matter what God or religion they followed. Lucifer and Jesus became closer than ever. Lucifer continued to reside in hell; after all, he had built it for himself and to his liking, and the residents begged him to remain.

The ghetto residents were now just residents of heaven and with the restrictions, which were the cause of such angst now gone, they blended in without issue.

Things remained this way for a hundred years; a lifetime for a human living on earth, but in heaven, eternal life made a hundred years a mere speck of time, and this became both a blessing and a curse.

Eternal life sounds great while mortality crept ever closer with its certainty, but the reality and curse for those who no longer fear death is that very lack of fear. With a lack of excitement and the daily, weekly and eternal boredom of knowing there will never be an end, brought with it a degree of want for something less certain.

And it wasn't just the residents of heaven who were feeling the need for something different...a change of scenery.

*******

"There's something different about a person who lives with the knowledge of a certain death, Lucifer." Jesus, with folded arms, smiled at himself in his bedroom's full-length mirror.

"Indeed there is, my friend. Death may be something to fear for those who do not believe in the afterlife, and sometimes, even for those who do. But, it creates a mentality, once immortality becomes a reality."

Both Jesus and Lucifer laughed at the quip, but it raised a serious question between the two friends.

"We need to find adventure, Jesus...but where?"

Jesus was becoming a lot more all-seeing and knowing these days, "I've been thinking about this for quite some time and I have the answer."

Lucifer's face wore an impish grin as he awaited his friend's solution to their boredom.

"The second coming."

Unable to contain his excitement as his mind explored the possibilities, Lucifer exploded, "You mean a return to earth?!"

Jesus answered his friend's question as a smile spread across his beautiful face, "It's been coming for two thousand one hundred twenty years, so it's long overdue. Mohammad is capable of running heaven while we take a well-earned break; that is if you want to accompany me on this journey?"

"Oh, Jesus...I wouldn't miss it for the world."

*******

After speaking with Mohammed and receiving his blessing to go on an extended leave from heaven, the two friends discussed how they would face the billions of humans who were not expecting them to show up AT the same time AND on the same team.

Sitting on Jesus' bed, Lucifer watched as his best friend packed for the trip.

Stating the obvious, Lucifer remarked, "We may run into difficulty as my reputation precedes me down on earth, Jesus?"

The Dark Prince continued, "The problem being; they are conditioned to love you but despise me."

"Once I explain that you have forgiven my only father for what He did to you, they will have to accept you as an angel."

"Archangel, Jesus."

"Oh yes, I apologize, my friend. The title is befitting your stature."

Lucifer had always been a stickler for rank and respect among the angels. In past times, before he was excommunicated, it was not uncommon for a lesser angle to feel his wrath if Lucifer considered he was not receiving the respect he deserved.

Being at God's right hand had its pros and cons, but one thing Lucifer would not tolerate was an angel who was looking to promote their position or influence without Lucifer's approval. God knew of Lucifer's lack of patience for any inept or overconfident angel, who would posture for rank and inevitably feel Lucifer's wrath bearing down upon their souls until they begged for their lives. At that point, God would intervene, much to Lucifer's guarded annoyance.

With a wry smile, Lucifer then stated, "If they don't, I'll simply give them what they want." Still the devil inside.

He then continued with a chuckle, "After all, I STILL have evil left in me."

"I will explain to them you are now on our side. That we have taken over heaven and earth, and plan to see if humanity still believes in me."

"When you say it like that, it doesn't come across well, Jesus. Don't you think we need to put some spin on that side of things? I have a few contacts in hell who were big in PR."

"Do you think we did wrong by my only father, Lucifer?"

Jesus' question hung in the air between the two friends, as Lucifer contemplated this somewhat touchy subject.

He finally answered, "I don't think it was wrong, my friend...necessary, yes. But, I don't know if those down on earth will quite see it that way."

Jesus was trying on clothes for the trip, and it looked like retro was the theme.

"We shall see how well they receive us, but first things first; what do you think of this purple turtle neck sweater, with denim flares and platforms?"

"Jesus Christ Superstar was big in the 1970s, Jesus, but I must admit, you have aged well, and it does suit you. The only problem I can see is you will appear taller than I am, and I'm afraid that will not do."

Smiling at his reflection, Jesus said, "We are going to need documentation and there's something you need to be aware of...neither of us, while we are on earth, will have any powers other than those the humans have."

Jesus hoped his friend would understand why his only father had decreed it to be so.

Begrudgingly, Lucifer then said, "So, we will be mere mortals for the holidays."

Jesus observed, "And my promised grand entrance won't be happening either...which may make convincing the masses who I am, a little harder than I first thought."

Lucifer subconsciously twirled the end of his moustache with one hand, "Well," he sighed, "I think we should go play tourists for a while, at least until we get a handle on things. You know how uppity humans can get, especially regarding religion. And Christians are some of the worst offenders. Just look at what happened during the Inquisition...not to mention Salem. I know a few of those poor souls living in hell, and they're still very apprehensive around fires. As you well know, hell was once renowned for fire, and no one was more pleased once I put them out in favour of more pleasant scenery than those alleged witches."

"I agree, my friend. It will do us both good to put work on the back burner for a while...all work and no play makes for not much fun on judgment day."

Lucifer left Jesus to forge their documents, creating passports, driver's licenses, and credit cards for them both.

Jesus of Nazareth,
The Palace, Heaven,
12/25/00.

And for himself...

Lucifer, Archangel,
Hell,
Always was and will be.

A photo of them both smiling put the finishing touch on his handiwork and the next day, they were the only passengers on the Return Express Soul Carrier to earth.

*******

On the journey, the tourists spoke excitedly about which places and attractions they were keen to visit before getting down to the business of judgment day formalities.

Jesus favoured a quick trip to Italy and the Vatican; to see if anyone would recognize him without the hippie chic' look that was once his brand. He was hoping The Shroud of Turin would be at lost and found, as it was his favourite shroud.

And the holy grail, which his ever-improving all see and know told him was being kept in a secret vault deep within the bowels of the inner sanctum, was something Jesus was looking forward to getting back in his possession.

Lucifer wanted to visit Yosemite National Park, to see ol' faithful roar into action and smell the sulphur in the air...just as it used to be back home. Then, K1 was in his sights, until he remembered that he was mortal during his time on earth. So instead, a trip to Disneyland to ride the rollercoasters was the alternative plan.

As they toured, there were plenty of curious looks if they were asked for ID, but once the payment was confirmed, it was a case of how many Elvis Presley lookalikes with legal name changes there are, and so, they blended into the crowds and had a lovely time among the humans.

A change in fortune saw the boys lose everything in Vegas and a call had to be made to Mohammad for more funds to continue their travels. The ex-prophet reluctantly agreed, but only on condition, they avoid the tables and slots until he could arrange it so they couldn't lose a bet. There would then be no more nuisance calls, as he was busy with the extra responsibilities of running heaven.

Once the fix was in, the two friends hit the high roller rooms at every casino in Vegas, until they were banned from entering every casino in the world. But, it was in the last establishment that the real troubles began for our two heroes, as the Las Vagas Police Department took the two in for questioning about how they were managing to cheat; and a little matter of precisely who they are.

They were being held in separate cells so that no collaboration would confuse the highly intelligent LVPD. The first to be interviewed was Lucifer. He smiled at the officer with just a hint of menace in the gesture. The officer detected this and tried to stamp his authority on proceedings by slamming a telephone listings book onto the table in front of the yawning Lucifer.

"Are we keeping you up, Mr Lucifer?" The question was rhetorical, but Lucifer decided to answer the question in the interest of getting along with the lawman.

"Yes, but I don't mind. With all the cash we've made, I was thinking of running for office, and then I can sleep all I want. And with no boss to fire me, I'll catch up then.

"And," Lucifer said with glee, "That would make me YOUR boss!"

Lucifer was, by this stage, over Vegas. After arriving, then touring the sites of interest around the US, and a full day and most of the night at the tables, he was contemplating putting the entire LVPD into another dimension, then remembered he had no more power than the fat cop sitting opposite him.

The interviewing officer had by this stage realized the bad cop routine wasn't working and decided to play the role of good cop instead.

"Mr Lucifer, if that IS your real name; I want you and your friend to be on your way as soon as possible, but we can't just let people walk into our casinos and win millions of dollars with an unfair advantage, now can we?"

The irony of this statement had Lucifer's eyebrows raised and told his interrogator more than words ever could.

"I am talking about the rules, Mr Lucifer...rules you and your friend have undeniably been breaking since your arrival in Las Vegas. If you share how you did it with me, I promise I will let you go, with no charges laid...AND you can keep your winnings as a gesture of our appreciation."

On hearing this, Lucifer decided the only way out, was to tell the truth. So, he began telling the story of heaven and hell and why he and his best friend were on this trip to earth. When he had finished, he smiled and held his arms out for the cuffs to be removed so that they could be on their way.

The frustrated officer led Lucifer back to his cell and then it was Jesus' turn. But after a couple of hours of getting nowhere with the questioning, and with no evidence they had cheated, along with their ID checking out (thanks to Mohammad's influence), the two weary travellers were released, taking a yellow chariot back to their hotel. In the morning, they packed their belongings and ordered a stretched chariot to continue their journey.

*******

Their chauffeur was a large black man named Baxter and when he smiled at Jesus and Lucifer as they approached the limo, his shiny gold tooth flashed in the morning sun. After putting their bags in the trunk, Baxter got in, turned to the newly wealthy pair in the back seat, and asked where they would like to be taken.

Lucifer and Jesus both looked at each other before saying in tandem, " Anywhere but here."

Giving them a knowing smile, he closed the compartment window and made a beeline for LA, where he knew these two freaks would fit in perfectly, and no one would look at them twice.

An hour into the trip, Jesus tapped on the window separating them from their driver, and after the introductions, Jesus asked, "Can you recommend a hotel for our stay in LA, Baxter?

The chauffeur didn't hesitate to recommend Hotel Casa del Mar on Santa Monica Beach, as he received substantial kickbacks for booking in high rollers from Vegas.

The travellers caught a flash off his gold tooth as Baxter turned his head towards his passengers, smiled, and said, "Great views...and the suites are to die for."

Jesus then decried, "I died last time I was here and I am hoping this time around, it won't be called for."

Baxter didn't bat an eye as he made his way through the endless LA traffic, finally arriving at the hotel just after 1.00 pm. After checking their luggage, Jesus gave the chauffeur a generous tip, they parted ways and were then shown to their suite overlooking the beach.

"We must do some surfing while we are here," declared Jesus, who stood looking out of the balcony glass doors. He had already begun growing his hair to fit in nicely around the cafes and surf shops he was planning on visiting.

"Is it safe to go into the ocean, Jesus?

"Well, of course, it is, Lucifer. Why would you think otherwise?

"There are big fish in the oceans, and if you are unlucky enough to come across one while surfing, it may be tempted by hunger to eat you...or at least, have a taste."

"Lucifer, let me remind you that we are currently in LA, and there are more sharks on the land than at sea. And, they are even more dangerous to out-of-towners like us."

"That may be the case, my friend, but let me ask you this...which shark would you rather be eaten by?

"Let me think about that for a moment." Jesus was still in the process of consideration when Lucifer raised an eyebrow in disbelief that there was anything to consider.

"You're right Lucifer, a large shark eating me would not be a nice way to go, but the chances of that happening are astronomical, and I will not let it stand in my way of having fun whilst we are here."

*******

"What can I get you to drink?" The pretty young waitress smiled at Lucifer and Jesus as they perused the menu at Nobu Malibu.

"The 2015 Domaine Ponsot Grand Cru Clos de la Roche Vieilles Vignes looks nice."

Lucifer enjoyed the finer things in life, and Jesus allowed him to order for the two of them.

"Yes, sir...a fine choice. Can I recommend the wagyu steak with your burgundy...it's the chef's specialty?"

Knowing a huge tip was coming her way, she smiled her brightest smile at Lucifer.

"Both medium rare, please...with curly fries."

"Curly fries, sir?" The waitress looked a little bewildered at the request. "I will need to check with the kitchen, but if there's a problem, I will order them in for you myself."

Lucifer smiled, nodding his head in approval, and she left, leaving the tourists to enjoy the view.

"How long do you think we should stay in LA, Jesus?"

"Just a few days, and I think once we have done LA...or LA has done us, we should consider getting to work."

"I totally agree with you, my friend. I'm actually looking forward to it."

*******

To be continued.