An Early Forever (WIP)

         How come in all those books of fantasy and magic and fantastic developments in the world of untouched paranormality, all the names have to stand out, have to mean something beyond their simple etymological possibilities, or have to be a staple of the world of which they are within? Give me a book, right. A book where some protagonist is named John or Madison or Jayden or whatever the hell within the reign of the domain of normality and the side characters aren't named goddamn Sharli or Dmitrius or fuck-all. Do I have a problem with those names? Nah, Sharli and Dmitrius can fuck off and get married for whatever hell I care, as long as they aren't in the goddamn novel I read.

         Such were the notes left behind in the first diary entry of Ryan Sloane. The day prior, Sloane had developed himself into the magical world of a book where he was taken aback by the poor variety of the naming of characters, or so he believed he was, and sought to end the continuous control over importance of ridiculously named characters through spreading his ideas to.. well, himself. He didn't know how to do it, nor did he particularly care enough to attempt to find a method of doing so, but he wished that somehow his message was reached.
         Next to his diary sat a finely lit lava lamp, whose bubbles burst and collided with one another as if two plates underneath the earth shifted to hit each others pressure points, creating a divergence between the two individuals of the set until they had gone through one another, rerandomizing the placement of each to their own respect, or slid past one another, creating a slight merge within the tiniest crevices, gluing them together for as long as they may live.
         Forever. Forever, as long as they may live, the two meant the same within a lifetime. But words happened to mean different things to different people, or so it seemed. To Ryan, there was not always a literal interpretation to words, as they had been shown to him from a different sense and perspective time and time again in his past. Forever might mean 30 minutes to a kid who hadn't eaten in a while and was beginning to feel the symptoms of the redevelopment of hunger, as if to use forever to measure the time since their last meal. But forever to Ryan was 11 years. It had been nearly forever since he developed that understanding.
         At 16 years of age, Ryan was a well-developed boy, possibly verging into manhood early, with a bulky 6'2 physique, a wildly misplaced but genuine and convincing mop of jet black hair, and a maturity beyond that of most who had already crossed the border between youth and adulthood. With his convincing and wide green eyes, he was able to manipulate situations to get what he wanted and get it genuinely, yet he rarely chose to do so. There had been 5 years, 8 months, and 14 days since he had learned what forever truly meant. To his parents, at least.
         To promise a forever is to promise a forever, in Ryan's eyes. Ryan was a type of kid who was loyal beyond all else, a kind, sweet-hearted, awkward boy who wouldn't let you go under any circumstances. Despite all the consequences of your actions, there was only one thing that would ever have Ryan leave you. And that thing was the dependency of your loyalty.
         He wasn't one to test your loyalty as if the type to test his power as an alpha above you, but rather developed himself as testing loyalty simply through the idea of whether or not you would lie to him. There were lies he could approve of and understand, but there were lies, almost as if listed on a chart, that were an automatic departure from the domain of his life.
         "Just never cheat, I suppose," was the main advice said behind Ryan's back to keep his trust. Ryan was a good kid, popular and athletic, that hung out with all types of cliques, and kept mainly to his close group of friends. Ryan lived a quiet life, keeping largely to himself, and one other person that people tried time and time again to inquire about, but never successfully. Ryan would never talk about them, as he wanted to keep them out of other people's life.
         The main thing Ryan hated was cheating, largely because of how he interpreted forever. His parents promised forever to each other, and 11 years later, they took that forever away from each other because of their own respective 'dumbassery,' as spoken by Ryan time and time before. They didn't take the forever away from each other. It was never going to happen. But they did take that forever away from him. 5 years into forever, they had him as a baby boy, perfectly happy. By the time he was midway through his 6th year living, he had already had that forever promised taken away.
         And so Ryan feared that he would constantly make a mistake, living in the shadows of his own promises just to reassure them, and cutting off any threats of repeating his past. And as so, due to his constant fear, he found himself fearing what would happen.

Dmitrius can still fuck off, but I don't want to feel the same about every goddamn person trying to be in my life. I want to welcome them, I want to accept them, but I want to understand how to either hide from them or how to integrate them. I'm discerned with the maintenance of anybody in my life, though. Anybody and Everybody, with one exception. I promise that they ain't losin' me now, not ever. Ain't ever am I letting them go. Ain't ever am I gonna continue my life if it ain't with her.


more soon ig? more so as a fun project so uh if someone finds this and enjoys it then jus lme know :)