The Single Life

Single.

What can I say? No one likes to refer to themselves as single.

Singleness is hard. Singleness raises questions about a person by people on the outside looking in. Questions like, "I wonder what he did?", "Is she hiding something?", "Maybe he has some social struggles.", "I'll be she is just afraid of commitment.". Most people who have a slight sense of dignity will only ask themselves these questions in their mind, while other will talk about a single person like that behind their back. Some may even take it to the point that they talk to the single person face-to-face about questions they may have. Take it from me, no matter which situation, it is never pleasant.

How can anything good come from being single?

A little bit about me. I am 21 and single, with no one out there who really has my interest romantically. In the fine words I use to add a sense of humor to any given conversation about my "love life" (or lack thereof), "I'm single as a Pringle and not really wanting to mingle." As of right now, while writing this post, I have been single for a year and a half, and quite frankly, not a minute of this season of singleness has been easy. From the disapproval of my family and friends after my previous relationship, the shunning of many people in a previous church, and the doubt many people have cast my direction, at times it has felt like a battle to keep going.

I'm not here to complain, I'm actually trying to use my story as a blessing to others who may be in the same boat, but hang tight with me for a second. I have to set the stage.

I'm a people person. I'm very outgoing, which makes me great with people and often easy to get to know. Strangers aren't really a concept in my brain, knowing each and every human being on this planet it made by the Father, and in His image. Have there been times where I have found myself in awkward or uncomfortable situations while socializing, absolutely! But it has never been a mountain I haven't been willing to climb. I simply love people.

With that gifting of an outgoing personality, comes the stark reality of loneliness. I like being around people a lot, and when I'm not surrounded by people, I can start to fall into a pit of loneliness, which tends to bring anxiety and mild depression. Hey, I wasn't kidding when I said I was going to tell you a little bit about me.

Singleness is hard for many reasons. Because I like being around people, being away from people and alone can sometimes bring about a change in my thought patterns, especially after the end of a relationship. But more than that, with singleness comes the doubt of a marriage, and a fear that the glorious wedding day may never happen. People try to comfort single folks like me when we share about it by saying, "Oh the right girl is out there somewhere, you just have to go find her" or "There's plenty enough fish in the sea to go around" and even sometimes "Your day will come, just give it time".

I'm sorry, what?

In a previous job, I learned to think through what someone says, and not take it at face value. I also learned to look at things from all points of view, whether you agree with that point of view or not. This allows a person to get an accurate picture and representation of whatever is being discussed, or whatever decision has to be made. Fast conclusions are not always best.

By telling a single person like myself that "our day will come", you are trying to reassure us that it's not our fault we are single, but in turn, you are trying to promise something that you have no control over, unless you are living in the dark idea that arranged marriages are good. Even in those situations, you can't force that couple to love each other - their love is only on paper.