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Ramblings about the world and myself |
I have never really been able to write every day. I probably won't be able to do it now. I would like to write on a more regular basis. This blog is an attempt to develop a more regular writing habit. I can't guarantee an entry every day.
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| I am struggling a little bit today. My wife Lesia and I would have been married for twenty seven years today if she were still here with me. |
I haven't been very active in WDC for a good while. The last year has been rough. The new year started off with a major bummer. This entry will start off as a major downer, but I believe that I reached a positive breakthrough tonight. I have to tell about the downer first. As most of y'all know, I lost my wife Lesia in March. I have not been a very happy hippie since. On January 2nd, my friend Greg came by the house to tell me that his brother Richard (and my brother. We felt like brothers since elementary school) had passed away on New Year's Day from Covid. This hurt badly. I just lost one of my best friends. I'm not over that yet, and won't be for a good while. There is more to the story. My grief was doubled. I guess it is time to write about Lesia and our long story. I lost one of my best friends, and on top of that it brought back a lot of grief about Lesia. Richard is the one who introduced me to Lesia way back in the early '80s. We dated for a couple of years. We were in love then. Her mother got ahold of a letter I wrote to Lesia. I said some things that shouldn't ever be put on paper. She freaked out and forced us to break up. Her mother was not a very good person. I may write about her someday. For now it will suffice to say that she was emotionally abusive to Lesia. In 1995 I was living in a dormitory at East Tennessee State University. I got a letter from Lesia. It got forwarded from my address in Roan Mountain TN. She told me that she had been married and divorced from an abusive bastard (my words, not hers). She told me that she had never stopped loving me. She married the asshole on the rebound. She included her phone number. I called her, and before I knew what was happening, we were back together. It was truly meant to be. I hate to think about all those years that we missed being together. Lesia and the lowlife had two sons, who eventually became my sons, Adam and Justin. I raised them. He had nothing to do with them. We were married in 1997. Our marriage wasn't perfect. None are. However, Lesia and I were perfect for each other. She said she never stopped loving me. When we reconnected, I realized that I never stopped loving her either. She said that for her it was love at first sight. It was, in a way, love at first sight for me too. I just didn't have the sense to know it. Now for my positive breakthrough tonight. I was, and still am, a big fan of the band Heart. When Richard introduced us, the first thing I noticed was how much Lesia looked like Ann Wilson. That made for an instant attraction. I had seen Heart live. It was almost like I was holding Ann in my arms. Of course, I knew that wasn't true, but damn, it was sexy. I wanted to listen to some music on YouTube tonight. I pulled it up on my smart TV. By chance I saw a Heart video of the song Crazy On You that I hadn't seen before. It was from 2013. Ann was a bit older and looked like Lesia did just before her health began to deteriorate. I watched it again. There were images of the band at the back of the stage from the time I met Lesia. Ann's face brought back memories of Lesia's sweet face back then. I watched it over and over. For the first time since I lost Lesia, I was able to have happy memories without feeling sad. I actually feel happy thinking about her tonight. Thank you, Ann! Please watch the video of Crazy On You, and pay attention to Ann's face as she is singing, and the images of her behind the stage when she was younger. That might give you an idea of the kind of woman that I was so fortunate to have in my Life. I am including a video of Magic Man. It seems to be that I was Lesia's Magic Man. She fought her mother to be with me and won. |
I have recently begun to study Spanish again, after a few years. You can't really learn a language from classes alone. They are a good starting point, but you need to talk to native speakers. I happened to be near La Perla  , a small combination Mexican tienda and restaurant that I had visited a few years ago. I decided to go in and see if I could practice a bit. I know from experience that it isn't always easy to strike up a conversation with a Spanish speaker. In the past, I have encountered either somebody patronizingly saying, "very good", or just a cold stare that seemed to say, "what the hell are YOU trying to do, Gringo?" I was a bit ill at ease when I went into the place. I walked around the grocery part for a bit, and then decided to get something to drink and see what would happen. I told the lady who rung up my drink what I was doing there. There was a group in there that I think was a grandmother, a mother, and three daughters. I sat down and looked at the menu. I noticed that they had menudo on the menu. I like menudo, so I said so in Spanish. I tried to say a couple of other things, but nothing really led to a conversation. The grandmother did say that I was doing well. After I finished my drink, I wanted to wish the group a good day. I walked over to the family table and suddenly froze. The mother was just looking at me like she was wondering if I would say something, or just run out of the place. The grandmother had a look on her kind face that seemed to say, "I know you can do it!" It was the three little niñas that were really freaking me out. Their eyes kept getting wider and wider, like they either wanted to see me say the right thing or run. It couldn't have been over about five minutes, but it seemed like much longer. The words just wouldn't come to me. After what seemed like forever the previously well-known sentence bubbled up out of the sludge in the bottom of my brainpan. I spat out "¡Que tengan un buen día!" The girls looked like they were about to break into applause! The mother smiled, and the grandmother said kindly, "Y tú también (And you too)." Relief flooded through me. I had pulled it off. The people in La Perla made me feel welcome and didn't make fun of me. I hope to go back to La Perla soon to learn, and to hopefully make some new friends. |
"Please don't see me ugly Babe" " You know I've let you down in oh so many ways" This covid thing is worrying me. On the one hand, I don't feel all THAT bad. I truly believe that I will survive this. On the other hand, I know from experience how quickly things can turn from "It'll be alright, you're just sick" to "I don't see your wife surviving two more days". This old favorite Alice Cooper song just floated its way through my, at present, twisted mind. I got to wondering how Lesia would see me now if I joined her in the afterlife. God knows that I tried my best to care for my sweet lady throughout her long illness. The question in my mind right now is does Lesia know that? If I joined her tonight, would she remember all that I tried to do to help her, or would she look at me with disdain and remind me of all the ways that I let her down? Unfortunately, those ways are many. I know that. All I can do is try to remember that I did try to always do my best.   |
| This started out as a private message to a friend of mine. I looked at it again and thought it was funny. I hope nobody gets mad at me over it. I'm just trying to have a little fun during a scary time. It looks like I have done gone and cotched myself a nice case of the CovFefe. I got to feeling rough over the weekend and took a couple of those free government home tests. Both were positive. I went to Walgreens and took another test this morning to make sure. I'm waiting on the results. So far, I'm alright. I've been sicker with the flu before. I'm hoping that this is as bad as it gets. I'm trying to remember the sacred text of The Holy Gospel of The Donald: "If I can survive covid, anybody can!" |
| Nowadays people whine about how cold it is when the temperature drops into the lower forties. They ain't seen nothing! Our local meteorologist was talking yesterday about how the record low temperature for today was -21 degrees Fahrenheit at the Tri-Cities Regional Airport in Blountville TN, in 1985. That reminded me of where I was that day. I was working as a ski lift operator at Ski Beech on top of Beech Mountain NC. I don't remember what the temperature was there. The temperature hit -32 degrees at nearby Grandfather Mountain . Mount Mitchell reached -34, which set the record for the whole Eastern Seaboard. .This vicious cold spell was called The Freeze of the Century .We stayed the night on the mountain and slept in the lift office. I got up and put on my usually adequate cold weather clothing and started the walk to my station. It was crystal clear and sunny. It looked beautiful. It didn't feel beautiful. The cold knocked me up one side and down the other. To say it was like walking into a freezer is a complete understatement. That kind of cold defies description. It is downright dangerous. It works its way right through winter gear and right to the bone. It takes your breath away. I don't remember it being windy. Thank God for that. I don't have any idea of what the wind chill would have been like. We usually switched off about every thirty minutes or so. That day we switched every ten. That was about as long as we could stand it. We had to check the customer's faces after every run for frostbite. We sent several to the Ski Patrol office for first aid. I don't see how the skiers stood it. They were tougher than I was. When thinking about that I have to respect people who live in climates where the temperature is that low on a regular basis. I guess you can get used to anything. January 1985 Record-breaking Cold: National Weather Service --------- Note: The links for Tri-Cities Regional Airport and Grandfather Mountain are weather record pages. |
| "Invalid Item" January 3, 2021 prompt: True confessions: Tell us why you'll always be a hippy. I am what you could call a second generation hippie . I grew up after the main hippie era in the 1960s. I went through various experiences that made me slip gradually into the hippie worldview.I was born in 1962. I saw a few hippies in the '60s, but was too young to really understand what they were. Hippies were often on the news that was on every evening, standing opposite the years long stream of the horrors of war coming out of Viet Nam, Cambodia and Laos.* This contrast worked its way into my young mind. I think that was the beginning of my transformation. These disturbing images continued until 1975 when I was 14. In middle school, I realized that I was a really nerdy looking square sort of kid. I couldn't handle that. I started growing my "Hair" and started getting into Rock and Roll music. I listened to music from the'70s at first, and worked my way back to some of the more psychedelic music of the'60s. I got to hanging out with the partyers. Some of them were long haired, but I wouldn't really call them hippies. They didn't have the values of peace and love.Later, as a young adult, I got to hanging around with a larger variety of people, mostly partyers. Some were questionable, to say the least. I suppose that I was fortunate to have survived. Others were good honest people. Some were true original hippies. I saw the good in their values and worldview.I eventually altered my state of mind permanently, opening it to what I perceive myself to be, a hippie. I can be nothing else. ------------------- Here is a good overview of the ways of hippies. I don't live all of it. I take what is good for me from the hippie lifestyle. For example, "free love" in its fullest form isn't healthy these days. It never was that appealing to me anyway. Hippies From A to Z ------- *Though I am not a lover of war, I do support our military and veterans. Word Count: 362 |
I really relate to this song. It helped me realize something about myself that I never knew about before. I live under a big load of stress all the time. I’m not going to go into the causes here. This is more about the symptoms. I go through life handling all the problems to the best of my ability without showing much of a reaction to any of it. I keep my cool through all the worry and I do what needs to be done, or at least what I think needs to be done. I smile while I’m doing it. Whether it’s financial, health or whatever, I deal with it. I don’t even realize that anything is bothering me. The problem is that stress is cumulative. It builds up to a critical mass. It might take a month. It might be a couple of weeks or days depending on the heaviness of what’s going on. Then all of a sudden I walk into a low hanging branch that slaps my glasses off my face, or five pounds of frozen meat falls out of the freezer onto my bare foot at three o’clock in the morning. Instant rage! I spit out a stream of the most ungodly cussing that ever befell an unfortunate set of virgin ears! I jump around and possibly kick a chair with the uninjured foot, which only makes it worse. All this happens before I know what is going on. Then I hear my wife from the other room yelling “What the hell is wrong with you?” Listening to It’s The Little Things a few times helped me to realize that those minor irritations aren’t what is bothering me. It’s all the accumulated stress of the big hard things that I have to deal with. The little things are just a catalyst. I don't really do New Year's resolutions, but I think it might be a good idea this coming year to try to deal better with the stress of those big things. My wife Lesia and I had the pleasure of seeing Alice Cooper's Brutally Live tour in Knoxville TN in 2000. It included It's the Little Things. |
| "Blogging Circle of Friends " DAY 3319 December 10, 2021 On this day in 1907, Rudyard Kipling receives the Nobel prize for literature, the first English-language writer to do so. What is Mr. Kipling best known for? Poetry or Children's stories? The prompt asked which Kipling is best known for, poetry or Children’s stories? He is a master of both, and also adult literature. I am more familiar with his prose. I have loved and enjoyed his work since before I could read. The distinction between his poetry and prose blurs sometimes. Here are some examples: “Then Kolokolo Bird said, with a mournful cry, ‘Go to the banks of the grey-green greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever trees, and find out.” From The Elephant's Child “And he went back through the wet wild woods waving his wild tail, and walking by his wild lone." The Cat That Walked By Himself Both quotes are from Just So Stories for Little Children When, I was little my mother took me to see the Disney movie based on Kipling's novel The Jungle Book . I liked it very much. Since I enjoyed it, Mom bought me a copy of the above album “Just So Stories Volume 1: The Elephant’s Child and The Cat That Walked By Himself”, read by Sterling Holloway. Holloway's distinctive voice fits Kipling’s poetic prose perfectly. He also voiced Kaa the python in the movie The Jungle BookWhen I got a bit older I read more of Kipling’s work including Kim and Stalky and Co. which demonstrate that he is not limited to children’s literature. The imagery and descriptions in Kim bring colonial India to life.I studied Kipling in an English Literature class. Here I learned about a less positive characteristic of Kipling. He was a strong proponent of Empire, both for England and the United States of America. This is evidenced by his poem The White Man's Burden . This poem seems to say that it is the responsibility of the white man to "civilize" people of color whether they like it or not. "In 'the white man's burden', Kipling encouraged the American annexation and colonization of the Philippine Islands..." This aspect of Kipling’s character disturbed me. Still, I am not one to "cancel" someone’s work based on something I disagree with. I can dislike The White Man’s Burden while still loving his other work. |
| "Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 3316: December 7, 2021 Prompt: The time everything changed in the blink of an eye.
I don't want to recount the time I almost lost my wife. I entered the link to my piece about it. Everything did change in the blink of an eye that day. It was one of the scariest things I have ever lived through. After the crisis was over things continued to change. I was a caregiver before that happened. After it was over my wife needed much more care. She still does. She can't be left alone at all now. It is hard, but she's worth it. She is the only person that I believe would do the same thing for me if the shoe were on the other foot. She is the love of my life. |
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