Voices In My Head

This story has two endings.
“Wakey, wakey,” the raspy voice invaded her head pulling her from a restless sleep. Her body ached part of her was warm from where she laid. The other half of her was freezing from the cold darkness around her. “Come on. Time to wake up” The voice scratched her ears.
Sitting up from the warm spot her body created she wondered if she was alive or dead. The darkness swallowed the room.
“Why can’t you give me some decent sleep?” She groaned.
“No, no, no.” Smoothly the voice replied. “We cannot have that.” You need chaos in your mind.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because,” the voice hissed, she could hear the glee, “You wanted this. You accepted this.” She winced at the sharp pain in her ribs. Wincing again on her other side.
“Stop,” She whined. Crawling on hands and knees, her hands pushed at something on the floor. Her fingers wrapped around a circular bowl. Bringing it to her lips she drank, suddenly the opposite side of the bowl hit the top of her head spilling what little liquid was left down her chin.
“Why’d you do that?” She asked the darkness.
“Because you didn’t need it. You deserve to have that slimy muck running down your face.” Shame weighed her down.
“Leave me alone.”
“No.” Suddenly her head was pushed forward pain searing through it.
“Ow. What was that?” Tears of pain rolled down her cheeks. The voice cackled evilly. A sharp pain stabbed the tired muscles of her back.
“Stop please,” she pleaded. “I don’t know why you’re doing this.”
“Because I can” She crawled to the wall and shrank against it. As her knees came to her chest, another voice joined the first in the dark.
“Hey, watch this.” The second taunted. “You won’t make it. You’ll always be someone’s baggage. No one wants you.” Pokes and jabs not only hit her skin, but the words stung deep in her mind and heart. Her hands reached her head as she tried to shut the voices out of her ears.
Suddenly, shackles on her wrists appeared. Her arms heavy falling beside her to the cold floor.
“Twist your arms, turn your wrists.” She obeyed the voice as she felt a stinging prick in her arm and warmth floating through her body. She relaxed as she physically went numb. She felt something happening with her body. Cold breeze as if she’d been stripped of her clothing. She didn’t want this. ‘NO!’ Her mind screamed, ‘Fight back! Get off me! No! Please don’t’ her mind continued as an invading thickness filled her. The pain, then aching stretching, tearing. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the body left her used and broken. Her shaky breath wanting to scream.
“No one will definitely want you now.” An eerie voice split the silence like a knife. She twisted her wrists again, a different sensation flooded her senses, warmth in her stomach, she found any reason to talk.
“You know,” her voice slurred in the dark. “I really don’t want to be here.” She passed out laying on the floor against the wall.
“Wimp,” The voice complained. “She’s got to get better at this.”
She woke again pounding in her head, still in the dark. Her heart ached as she realized there was no end to the pain and shame she felt.
“God, if you’re there. If you exist, please help me.” She pleaded in the silence.
“He doesn’t want you. He would never want you; you’re broken and worthless. He’s not coming.” A light appeared in the dark. She shrank back against the light. Shielding her eyes, finally getting a look around her. She noticed the words on the wall. Shame and embarrassment flooded her heart. Everything she had done wrong written on the wall. Searching for the voices she found a couple of creatures trying to make themselves as small as they could. ‘Why were these two scared of the light? I should be but there’s a peace about the light giving me hope.’
“Who are you?” She boldly asked.
“Jesus,” The light said, the creatures screeched as if in horrible pain.
“Nooo! Not the name!”
“Are you ready to leave?”
“No! He can’t help you. He will make your life worse. He doesn’t have a way out!” The creatures screamed reaching for her. They began holding her feet in place. “He really doesn’t want you. Only we can keep you safe.”
“Catherine, I can take you from all this,” Jesus stated. She stood against the wall. The heavy chains weighing on her.
“You deserve to be here. You aren’t worthy to go with him. You are dirty, used.” The bitter flower of shame flushed her cheeks.
“I can’t go with you.” She conceded. Jesus sighed.
“Catherine, I love you.” Disbelief snapped within her.
“How can you love me? Do you see what I’ve done?” She waved to the room. “You don’t see what I’ve done. You don’t know how dirty I am.” Anguish stabbed her like a knife.
“I know everything.” He smiled.
“If you know everything, then you saw when I was…” she stopped tears streaming down her face as she choked on her desperation. The creature fed on her tears, drinking them like wine.
“I was there. I protected you from more.”
“P-protected me from more? Why didn’t you protect me from that in the first place?”
“Was he really there?” The creature questioned still clawing at her leg. “If he loved you, he’d have stopped it.” The creature stood behind her. “If he loved you…”
“You stop, demon,” Jesus commanded. “Catherine, he’s lying to you. You are worthy to be free from this place. I can give you a better life. I can give you the peace you crave.” Hope budded in her chest.
“You won’t have peace. You need the chaos in here.” The creature argued. “You can’t live without me. You can’t get away from your past.”
“Come on.” A hand reached out from the light. Catherine reached out but was stopped by the chains that seemed to hold her down. “Pull, Catherine.”
“You’re not strong enough to beat this.” The creature said with glee. “You’re not going anywhere. I’ve got control of you.”
“You. Have. No. Power.” The chain on both wrists broke. She lunged forward. The creatures grabbed her shoulders and arms pulling her back from the light. “Jesus,” immediately the creatures let her go. Falling to the floor. “Help me.” She breathed; the stench of the cell invaded her nostrils. Closing her eyes, she retched.
“Now he really don’t want you.” The creature chuckled. Fear knotted in her belly.
~~~
“Fear not. I am still here.” She bowed her head at the weight of his words. His voice close, gentle, and soothing. “Do you believe I can bring you out of your sin?”
“I do,” Tears streaming, burning behind her eyes.
“Take my hand.” She reached out to him wanting desperately the peace she felt he had. Pulling her up he held her as the room swirled around them. The darkness and muck and mire swept away revealing a new room.
Pale purple cabinets and walls, filled to the brim with storage, desks even a sofa love seat and chaise lounge attached in the middle. Gasping at the room she walked around touching everything making sure it was real.
“There are speakers in the wall that will Bluetooth connect to your music.”
“Okay,” she softly replied.
“What is this place?”
“This is your craft room. It’s what can be in your life.”
“You mean I can’t have it right now?” Looking around she found a blank wall. "A project wall?"
He smiled knowingly, “Unfortunately, no. It would overwhelm you considering what I have planned for you.”
“You mean I have to earn it?” Disappointment crossed her face.
“It may seem like that but when you know the end result, your imagination can fill this place. I know what would be best for you, but the choice is ultimately yours.” She knew what she wanted in this room.
“You can’t have this.” She froze at the familiarity of the voice bringing her out of her reverie. The room faded back to the cell; blank walls shown all around her.
“Are they right?” Her breath left her. Suddenly her chest became tight and breathing constricted. Seeing the possibility and coming back here. “Jesus, I can’t go back.” Panic began to take over.
“Catherine, I’m still here. You are mine. You only go back in your mind. You have me within you. You speak my name and tell your doubts and fears to go away.” Letting what he said sink in… “Take a deep breath.” She listened and did as she was told. “Now speak.” He gently commanded.
“Devil, demons. You get away from me.” Courage surged through her. “Fear you have no power over me. I am enough” She knew he had her back when the room change back.
“Good job, Catherine. Remember you are mine. My child, my precious daughter.”
“Thank you, Jesus.” She hugged him smiling.
In time Catherine had her business, growing closer to Jesus and depending on the promises he showed her she could have.

~~ A different ending.

“Fear not, I am still here.” She bowed her head at the weight of his words. “Do you truly believe I can bring you out of your sin?”
“I do.” She struggled against the creatures.
“My offer of freedom is a free gift. Do you want my free gift?”
“Please give it to me.” She reached the door as it disappeared. The hand reached out to her and pulled her from the cell. HE caught her in his arms as she stumbled through the door.
Relief, peace, and weightlessness overwhelmed her. Tears of joy streamed down her cheeks as she knelt before her savior.
“Thank you, Jesus.” She beamed joy and gratefulness. “Thank you. Thank you.” She felt the weight of his glory and realized how unholy she had been. Turning she crawled back to her cell.
“Catherine.” He touched her back. Her arms and legs failed her, she fainted. He rolled her over and easily lifted her into his arms. She clung to him. He sat down at a table with her in his arms. When she awoke, he released her to sit in her own chair.
“What’s all this?” Looking over the table, she found all her favorite foods and drinks.
“This is for you.” She sat down slowly, warily watching him. “Why do I get all this?”
“This is your banquet for accepting me.” His face didn’t change.
“I get all this food just for choosing you?”
“You get more than that, but we’ll start with nourishment for your body first.”
She began loading up the china plate in front of her.
“So, now what?” She wondered with a mouthful of a roll.
“Well, you are my child. I would like a relationship with you.” She swallowed the bread with difficulty.
“Uh, no.” she began to stand, “Look, Jesus. I appreciate you getting me out of the cell in there, but you really don’t want me. I’m not the relationship type of person.” Turning to leave the table.
“Catherine, sit down please.” He suggested. She complied because she wanted to, not because she owed him anything. “The type of relationship I would like to have with you is based on knowledge and trust.” She cautiously listened. “I want you to live free from doing wrong.”
She scoffed, “How do I do that? It seems impossible.”
“Well, the more time you spend with me, the freer you’ll be. The more revelation you receive from me the better your life will be because you’ll want to listen to me when I offer you a choice to do something.”
She breathed deeply, thinking about how to word her next question. “What about this room?”
“The room holds your potential. Holds a place for us to meet and talk if you want. It’s up to you.”
“Why did you come get me?”
“Because I love you. I want you. I want a personal relationship with you.” He replied. She shuffled in her seat uncomfortably. “I understand you’re uncomfortable with that word and thought process, but I want you to know me as well as I know you.”
“I don’t know if I will ever have a personal relationship with anyone. I really just want to be left alone.”
“With your business, you can’t really be alone. Yet, if you choose, I can bring someone into your life that will help you heal from what you’ve been through. He can teach you how to love and what love is.” Jesus offered.
“You’ll still be with me, right?”
“Child, I’m inside you all the time so yes, I will be with you always.” He smiled.
“Thank you.”