Tainted

I linger in what I’ve done
The messes I’ve made
The pride I gave
The desires I craved
The temptations I caved

I dwell in the heartbreak I bore
Rejected
Looked in the eye and moved aside
Unwanted
Chosen to leave behind
Feeling unworthy
Is it true?
Am I worth it?

I don’t feel true.
I feel used
Picked up, swirled around, then tossed down
Every up comes with a shattering drop
I’m in pieces
Broken by man
Scarred by the one I wanted to give my hand
And now he’s holding someone else’s

What good is love
When it can end and leave you worthless
What good is love
When you’re replaced with another surface
What good is love
When you fall in deep while your counter plays for pleasure
What good is love
When your hurt will not accept another

You try again to please the pressure
But the same rejection
Humiliated and vulnerable - violated
Never again

What use?
What use in finding love in men?
They don’t see you
Or they don’t desire you.
They make promises found empty in the end,
And compromises you never wished to extend.

What now?
What now that I’m left with only scraps
Drowning in the shame of my foolishness
I don’t deserve happiness
For I need only what my trespasses earned

Sitting in this darkness,
The sun cuts through with a slight beam of light
Could it be?
Amidst all my travesty,
I could feel hope for identity.

A higher being
Coming down in my filth
Calling me out of my pain
Picking me up from my shame
Placing me back in full communion
With the maker of all things.

I have been given grace
to not hold these burdens another day
I was chosen worthy of love.
My greatest judge calls me worthy of love.

Every man may tell me no
But my Savior chooses and pursues me
He crowns me with flowers of beauty
He robes me in white of purity

I am loved
No condition
Not just my outer rim
But through and through every fiber
I am adored by the One who is Higher