The Five Second Rule

Ben smiled as he walked down the hallway of the office building where he worked. Safe Vision Security. An alarm company. It was a typical corporate IT gig. All day he'd field service requests from idiots who couldn't find their way around a computer if their life depended on it. Just this morning he'd had a real doozy: a woman confused about why a symbol of the devil's pitchfork wouldn't leave her monitor. He had to fight back the urge to laugh his head off as he explained that it wasn't an unholy symbol but rather, the USB symbol, explaining that an external device had been hooked up.

"How does that even happen?" He thought as he turned a corner and started toward Sandra's office.

Sandra. He smiled again. Sandra was probably the only reason Ben hadn't quit months ago. She'd taken a position in Human Resources and they'd become fast friends. Even though she was in her 50s, and he much younger, they had a strong bond. Ben took every opportunity he could, in between fixing the problems of fools, to visit her office and chat. But today, he was headed there for work. He reached the windows of her office.

"Knock knock!" He said as he stepped through the doorway.

Sandra was seated at her desk typing something on her computer as he entered. She looked up at the sound of his voice.

"Hey Ben!" She said, pushing her chair back against the wall and standing up to greet him.

Sandra was on the shorter side, with a plump, rounded hourglass figure. She had wide hips and a wide, shapely backside that was still proportionate with the rest of her body. She wore red jeans that ended mid-calf and formed to her figure perfectly. A black tank top adorned her upper half, nothing too revealing. Just a peak of cleavage from her ample bosom. Sandra was an open person, and they'd shared laughs previously about the struggles her cup size caused her. She had short, black hair that just barely touched her shoulders.

"So, what's going on? They finally gonna move you out of here and into an office with a view?" Ben joked as he mock-surveyed the office, looking for some sort of problem.

"If only." Was Sandra's reply. "No, they say I need to do something about the," and she put on an air of fake authority, "unruly cable situation under my desk."

Ben looked down under the desk. Sandra had one of those cool new desks that could be raised and lowered for sit down or stand up use. "Better for the back. Because lord knows I need it with these." Sandra had said as she nodded down to her chest.

Indeed, the cable situation was quite a mess. Wires went everywhere, tangled up in different places.

"Sandra, hasn't anybody told you that this is quite the fire hazard?" Ben said as he marveled at the array of cables.

"Well, yeah, but I usually have more important things to worry about. Lots of new applications over the past few weeks." She said.

Ben dropped to his knees and started to work his way under the desk to get to work.

"Here, let me get out of your way." Sandra said, and stepped over to a wall opposite the desk.

Ben set to work, unplugging cables from their respective devices and starting to unravel them. This was going to be quite the project. It was then that he noticed something else on the floor. Crumbs and pieces of some type of food. Not just any food. Chili cheese Fritos, her favorite.

"Hey Sandra," he said with a laugh, "you know these chips are supposed to go into your mouth, right? Not on the floor?" He picked up one of the small pieces of chip and held it out for her to see.

Sandra gave a decisive "Hmph" in reply.

"I mean seriously, there are whole ass Fritos down here." Ben chided. "I know sanitation keeps these floors fairly clean. So, if these are from today, they're probably o- "

Sandra cut him off. "Look, as much as I love those chips, never you worry about them. I'll have you know I have a very strict five second rule when it comes to food hitting the floor."

"Okay, okay, boss lady. Settle down." Ben said, and continued work on the cables.

"If the day ever comes where I eat something off the floor that's been there longer than five seconds, feel free to bust my chops about it." Came Sandra's voice.

Ben was making decent progress on the job and having a good conversation with Sandra when her phone chimed.

"Text from Karl," she said, "meeting downstairs in 5. Will you be fine to finish up while I'm gone?"

"Yep, I can handle this. I'll come find you later. Can't wait to hear what the big wigs are up to now."

Sandra turned and walked out of the office, disappearing down the hall. Ben was finishing up, tying up the last few wires with zip ties. All he had left to do was plug in the desk phone cable. As he picked it up, a strange surge of electricity shot from the cable and into his hand, traveling all the way through his body. A strange sensation, almost like he was falling, came over him as the floor rushed up to meet him.

Ben woke up some time later. It couldn't have been long, because Sandra hadn't yet returned, and nobody had found him unconscious on the floor. He rolled over and onto his back, opening his eyes and seeing the familiar black underside of Sandra's desk.

But something wasn't right. He was laying on a soft, cushioned surface. A far cry from the somewhat firm, dull gray carpet most of the office floors were lined with. He stood up, and realized something was very, very wrong. The carpet fibers now reached his thighs.

"What in the world..." Ben said as he looked around. The tied cables, which were recently right in front of him, were now seemingly miles away. He followed them down, where they plugged into some massive black monolith.

Sandra's computer.

Comprehension was the next thing to enter Ben's mind, as he realized that he had just been shrunk. Sandra's office was now unrecognizable. The sheer openness, the vastness of it all, was what hit Ben the hardest. Sandra had a somewhat small office, but now it might as well have been its own planet. Ben fought hard against his own body's instinct to panic.

"Focus, Ben, focus! This isn't real, you know it isn't real! You're just having a strong reaction to the electric shock, that's all. They say that when young kids wake up, they sometimes see their surroundings as bigger or smaller than they actually are."

Ben closed his eyes and focused his breathing to a more manageable level. He inhaled deeply and exhaled three times. He then opened his eyes again. Nothing had changed. He was still on the floor of Sandra's office, and he was still no bigger than a grain of rice. He took a few steps forward and out from under the desk. Her chair was still pressed against the back wall. It seemed so far away, and so impossibly huge. The sun cast everything in brilliant light from far above him.

"No, not the sun, her office light." Ben thought glumly. Now that he was out from under the desk, the scope of his surroundings really hit him. Miles above, he could just see the top of her desktop monitor from beyond the edge of the desk. It looked bigger than a million move theater screens combined. Small dust particles, nearly invisible to the naked eye but perfectly visible to him, floated about lazily. Hundreds of thoughts danced through his racing mind, but one kept repeating itself.

"How am I going to get myself out of this mess?" He said aloud to himself. Ideas and strategies came to his head, each sounding more unlikely than the last. "My only hope might be Sandra."

It happened almost on cue. He felt a small tremor. Then another. Getting progressively stronger each time. Eventually each tremor was accompanied by a loud boom. There was no mistaking it, they were the footsteps of an approaching person. He turned his attention to the doorway to the office. He felt his mouth fall open as Sandra stepped into view,

There was nothing on earth, no Hollywood special effects anywhere that could prepare him for the sight of his friend in that moment. Sandra's feet, clad in black flats, looked like a pair of oil tankers attached to skyscraper-esque legs. The further up he looked, the harder he had to crane his neck just to take in her enormous frame. Sandra had become a giantess who was seemingly living in a whole other plane of existence to him.

"BEN? YOU STILL HERE?"

Her voice tore through and cracked the air like thunder. It was like standing in a broom closet with a cannon as it was being fired. Ben instinctively reached up to cover his ears, slightly wincing in pain.

"OH BEEEEEEN?" Sandra called out in a singsong voice that was anything but pleasing to Ben. He was glad she was back, but he was pretty sure he was going to go deaf quickly if she kept yelling like this.

He looked up at Sandra again as the ringing in his ears subsided. She started to pound across the room in his direction. A series of miniature earthquakes rocked his entire world as she approached the desk. She stopped just in front of him. Ben looked up again. In all his years, he had never once given thought to how we humans must appear to ants and the other smallest creatures in the natural world. But he certainly was thinking about it now. Far above him was his friend. He couldn't even see her face, jest a small bit of her chin that was visible beyond her breasts.

"Sandra! Hey, Sandra!" He yelled as loud as he could. "It's Ben! I'm down here!" He waved his arms over his head as he shouted.

And then, she looked down. Ben couldn't believe it! Just like that, his ordeal was already over! But it wasn't. She was merely looking down absently, as if to confirm her belief that he was already done and gone. She returned her focus to her computer.

"WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL STAND FOR THESE LAST FEW HOURS."

And then she reached her arms forward to grab the workstation. But it wouldn't move. Sensing a need for more leverage, she took a step forward. Ben watched it all unfold and turned to run as quickly as his tiny legs would carry him. Sandra's titanic foot lurched forward on an almost direct path with where he was. And then it slammed down with the force of an asteroid colliding with the earth's surface. Ben was sent tumbling away as the sudden displacement of air tossed him like a rag doll. Terrified and sore, he stood up slowly, allowing the sudden rush of adrenaline to subside.

"Too close, man." Ben said to himself as the realization that he had been inches away from ending up a tiny red stain on the bottom of Sandra's shoe sent a wave of goosebumps up and down his arms and legs.

He ran up to the offending shoe. The full impact of how pathetically small he was came over him all at once. Desperate, he punched and kicked the side of Sandra's shoe.

"Sandra! Help me, please!" He screamed. But it was utterly useless. Nothing Ben's size could produce a sound loud enough to register in Sandra's ears.

He looked around again. He needed to come up with a plan to get Sandra's attention fast. If he didn't get her help before the office closed for the day, he was screwed. The overnight cleaning crew would be coming, and nothing would save him from a death by vacuum cleaner. Or a floor buffer. Or a mop. Or anything, really.

"At the very least, I won't die hungry." Ben said in a flat tone as he spotted one of the dropped corn chips under Sandra's desk. His gaze then fell upon the phone cord. It still wasn't plugged in. A light switch turned on in Ben's mind.

"Sandra's going to realize her phone isn't plugged in eventually. When she looks down here to plug it in, I'll be standing on that chip. The contrasting colors will be enough to make me stand out. I just have to make enough movement to catch Sandra's eye!"

Even saying it out loud, Ben knew it sounded like an absolute longshot. But, to be fair, everything was a longshot at that point. Hell, just the fact that he had been shrunken down to such a tiny size in the first place was a long shot.

Ben walked up to the dropped corn snack. The smell of artificial chili and cheese was almost overpowering. It certainly wasn't stale. The chip resembled the strangest rock formation anyone had ever seen. Grabbing a handhold in the surface of the chip, he pulled himself up. After a brief climb, he pulled himself over the edge and rolled onto the chip. He stood up and took a moment to gather his thoughts. This was it; he was either saved or sunk.

After a few minutes, he heard Sandra pick up the headset from the receiver. Ben knew that Sandra was hearing nothing from the earpiece. As he had expected, Sandra's face appeared from above the desk. Her gaze traveled down from where the cord would normally wind through a hole on the desk and into the receiver, down to the floor, where the unplugged connector lay.

"BEN, I'M GLAD YOU DID THIS FOR ME BUT THE LEAST YOU COULD HAVE DONE WAS PLUG MY PHONE BACK IN BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO CUT AND RUN!" Sandra's voice boomed. Not as loud as before when she was shouting, but not exactly comfortable either.

Sandra reached down, and Ben was fascinated that anything that large could move with such fluidity. She grabbed the connector end of the plug and lifted it up. Ben started moving. He had given up on screaming, as it had already proven futile from down here. He waved his arms over his head again and jogged around in a small circle. Occasionally he'd stop and jump up and down as well. Sandra plugged the cord in and started to withdraw her head. But before she could, her gaze fell upon the very discarded Fritos chip he was standing on.

"Holy shit, yes!" Ben yelled and started moving even more vigorously.

But there was something wrong. There was no look of astonishment in Sandra's eyes. Nothing that resembled a sudden shock of finding her friend shrunken to near microscopic size. Ben looked down at his clothes.

"Oh no..." His voice trailed off as he realized that when he had rolled onto the chip, he had covered himself in the same dark red powder that coated the chip. He was indistinguishable from the rest of the tasty treat.

And then something else flashed in Sandra's eyes. Something resembling hunger.

"I MIGHT NOT GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO HIT THE VENDING MACHINE TODAY. I THINK I'LL BE OKAY IF I BREAK MY RULE JUST THIS ONE TIME!"

The words had exploded out of Sandra's mouth and yet Ben barely comprehended them. It was as if his brain had suddenly become trapped in quicksand. Before he could even think to move, Sandra's hand, resembling some alien mothership, began a beeline descent right in his direction. The redwood like fingers outspread, and they collided with the giant chip. The force of the collision sent Ben tumbling onto his backside. Grasping the chip firmly from the back, Ben felt himself being lofted into the air as Sandra lifted the chip. He felt the sensation of a sudden, high speed shift in direction. That classic feeling on one's own stomach rising into their throat.

Ben had a front row seat for everything as the chip rose slowly. The long, red towers of her jean clad legs. Almost cruelly, the chip seemed to slow briefly as it passed her stomach. But that was just Sandra adjusting her arm as she pulled it out from under the desk. The harsh fluorescent lighting once again illuminated his world as he passed from under the shadow. His crunchy corn vehicle rose past her perfectly rounded breasts, and he was once again made to feel pathetically small in comparison to the two mountains of flesh in front of him. He rose past her cleavage and past her neck.

And then Ben looked up into Sandra's eyes truly for the first time since he had shrunk. They looked like huge pools that could be popped and drained as if they were filled with runny jelly. Sandra stared right through him. She was totally oblivious to the speck sized passenger on the chip. Her once friendly visage had been transformed into some macabre version of the Sandra he knew. Every blemish in her skin was magnified and made her look like a caricature. And it was in that moment that Ben realized that this train wasn't stopping. Desperate, he screamed so hard he felt his vocal cords might rupture.

"Sandra! Stop! Please don't eat me!"

Sandra's lips came into view before him. Massive, fleshy guardians of the hellscape that awaited beyond. Horrifically, her monstrous pink tongue slithered out from behind them like some extraterrestrial nightmare creature, drawing a circle as Sandra licked her lips in anticipation of the delicious morsel that was about to be delivered. And then they parted. The bright office lighting illuminated the oral cavern before him. Sandra's teeth were huge, white compactors ready to grind Ben and the Frito into oblivion. A thin strand of saliva hung from the soft, pink roof of her mouth and broke apart as Sandra fully opened her gaping maw. Sandra's tongue shone bright in the light owing to the layer of saliva coating it.

And in the back of all that, Sandra's uvula hung like a massively oversized punching bag, jiggling slightly as she made subtle movements of her head. Below it was the darkness that signified the recesses of Sandra's throat. The chip started to rapidly gain speed as Sandra started the motion of tossing it into her mouth. But almost as quickly as it had started, it stopped.

Sandra's office phone had started to ring, sparing him at the last possible moment. She continued to hold the chip level with her mouth as she reached for the handset with her free hand. She pressed it to her ear and answered.

"HELLO?" Was the cacophony of sound that assailed Ben's tiny eardrums.

Ben couldn't make out anything else Sandra was saying while he was this close to her face. All he could hear were deafening sounds and he could feel blasts of hot breath as Sandra spoke. His only hope of survival at this stage was to jump from the chip. But any serious fall would probably kill him. He could hope to jump for her cleavage and hope that her breasts might cushion his fall. It would be uncomfortable, but he was sure she wouldn't mind if he did it to save his life. He tried to stand but quickly tumbled over again. Sandra was talking animatedly, and the movements of her hand jostled him around and prevented him from moving. He glimpsed occasional flashes of her teeth and the mouth beyond. It was terrifying.

And then Sandra stopped talking for a moment and tucked the phone handset into her shoulder and used it to keep it in place. This somewhat lessened to rocking motion of the chip and allowed Ben the chance to stand up. And then, the chip started to move again. Once again, time seemed to slow to a virtual crawl. Sandra resumed her conversation as she brought the chip closer and closer. She smiled as the chip was about to bump into her lip. And then Sandra opened her mouth wide once again as whoever was on the other end of the call said something that made her laugh.

Ben didn't even have a chance to react to the sudden burst of painful noise. Sandra quickly tossed the chip toward her open, waiting mouth. Ben was sent flying ahead of the chip. He passed through her lips and into humid cave before he could even scream. He sailed right over Sandra's tongue. He watched as the huge Frito he was once carried on skidded onto the tongue. He looked in front of him and saw Sandra's uvula, bouncing and swaying in rhythm with her laughter. He made one, fleeting grasp for it but for naught. He passed under it and started his descent into Sandra's esophagus.

He was so small that the powerful muscles of Sandra's throat didn't even need to work hard to force his tiny body down the slide into his doom. The worst part of all was the fact that he could still hear Sandra's voice echo around him. He was pretty sure he made out the word "Ben" at some point. He could hear the steady rhythm of Sandra's heartbeat. In a way, it was almost comforting. And then the bottom gave out as the esophagus opened into the pit of Sandra's stomach.

The pool of acid rushed up to meet him, and Ben closed his eyes.