The White Mountain

The White Mountain

“Gotcha!”

“You’re supposed to be asleep!”

“Yeah, I wanted to see if you were real. I been figurn’ it was mom or dad.”

“Well, it’s not. I’m real, obviously, your clever little trap proves it.”

“Pretty good, isn’t it. Worked too, you stepped right in.”

“I couldn’t see the rope for all the dirty clothes. You are a professional slob.”

“They hid the trap. Pretty good, right?.”

“Why a trap? All I’ve ever done was leave a gift for the tooth.”

“I want a better deal. Last time I got 50 cents and I think my tooth is worth a lot more.”

“Why? It’s just a baby tooth.”

“I’m not a baby any more! Besides, it was one of the bigger ones.”

“That’s a term to define your first teeth. When they fall out you get new permanent ones that don’t fall out ... if you take care of them. Brushing every da—.”

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, mom lectures me about that every day. It’s just sooooo much trouble and it takes sooooo much time, it slows me down.”

“Listen to your mom, she’s a smart woman.”

“Not you too! I don’t want to hear that now, I want more for my teeth!”

“You don’t brush you’ll end up wearing dentures like me.”

“The Tooth Fairy wears dentures?”

“Yes and I don’t like them. They hurt.”

“But, can’t you just magic new teeth?”

“No. And I can’t afford dental insurance. It’s ridiculous, they should provide insurance and all Tooth Fairies should have implants.”

“I don’t believe this. You’re an old woman sneaking around stealing teeth and complaining about not having dental insurance. Dental insurance for a fairy? C’mon, gimme a break. And why are you so old? Tooth Fairies are supposed to be little, young girls with long blonde hair and wings like a dragon fly. And pretty.”

“You live in a strange world. What absolute crap. And you still believe in me? And, you’re rude.”

“Tooth Fairies don’t say crap and I’m not rude!”

“This one does when she encounters it. Those are silly old legends some like to believe because that’s the story mom and grandma told and others repeat because they just don’t like to think. I know I’m not pretty any more, but telling me I’m not is rude. ”

“You had a mom?”

“Yeah. How about a dollar each?”

“I want a hundred!”

“PFFUUUMMPFFF! What? A hundred bucks for one worn out, usually decayed tooth? Nope! Ain’t gonna’ happen, sweet cheeks.”

“You better cough it up or I won’t let you go.”

“You can’t keep me. Come with me for a bit.”

“I’m not supposed to leave the house.”

“You won’t, physically, I really want you to see this.”

“What? ... Acckkk! What was that? Where are we? I think I’m gonna’ puke.”

“You’ll clean it up if you do. Look over there.”

“Where? You mean that white mountain? Ugly mountain.”

“Yeah, it is, it’s closer than you think and it’s all baby teeth.”

“Holy shit! How many?”

“That’s not a word 11 year olds should use. No one knows, somewhere around 500 million.”

“Holy shi . . . Crap! Why? What are they good for?”

“We sell them on Craig’s List. We’ve got several web sites set up in other countries handling them too.”

“That’s disgusting! Who’d want real teeth?”

“We get $5.00 each and you’d be surprised at how many doll makers want them. Even stuffed toys, they’re called Fugglers. We were drowning in teeth before the internet and Craig’s List.”

“Five bucks! And you leave a measly 50 cents? That’s bullshit!”

“Look, we have tremendous overhead and we have to keep our COGS low.”

“What overhead? And what are cogs...whatever’s?”

“Cost Of Goods Sold, and there are over a hundred thousand Tooth Fairies. Our health insurance costs are insane. Then transportation. Try flying all those Tooth Fairies around each night, our monthly airfare cost is tremendous. And there’s—“

“Okay, okay, god, you talk too much. A dollar’ll be okay . . . I guess.”

“Yes or no, be precise.”

“Yes! Picky, picky, picky. If we can travel like that, why not you? it would save a lot on transportation?”

“We didn’t really go anywhere, it was all images I provided. It’s just a little traumatic getting our minds linked up.”

“Let’s not do that again! And I’m going to tell all my friends about you.”

“You won’t because as I leave I’ll replace all this with other memories. You’ll remember a pleasant dream, or a terrifying one based on how much you piss me off, your choice. So far it’s pretty benign, but I could introduce you to Lovecraft’s Cthulhu.”

“Who?”

“A really scary monster.”

“You don’t scare me! I’m not scared of monsters, they’re not real.”

“Okay, know it all, I’m leaving. I have a quota to meet and gabbing with you has cost me time. Bye.”

“WAIT! I want to . . . Acckkk! What was that? Oh god, MOMMY! Oh please, not that! What was that creature?”

“What? What’s wrong, Leslie? Why’d you scream like That?”

“I guess I had a bad dream. I was really scared when I woke up.”

“Well, you’re okay now. I’ll stay here with you for a while until you calm down and fall asleep again.”

“I’m not sure I want to sleep. I don’t want to meet that creature again.”

“It’s a dream sweetie, I doubt you’ll repeat it. Scootch over sweetheart, I’ll lie here . . . what’s this dollar bill?”

“I don’t know. The Tooth Fairy? I lost that last baby tooth yesterday and put it under my pillow.”

“Uhh, I guess your father . . . I’ll have a talk with him.”

“Ga’night, mom.”

“Good night, Leslie, I love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”


956 Words