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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2192015-I-Dont-Wanna-Be-a-Drag
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by Ellie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ · Novella · Comedy · #2192015
A talent-scout for the Corporate Spiritual Elite gets a chance at real enlightenment.
I thought I knew everything there was to know about my sweat glands.

I was a nervous sweater. At this moment, I was also wearing my nervous-sweater, which makes the nervous sweats a little worse, but it keeps the sweat stains on my inner T-shirt incognito.

Anyway, suffice to say, in this situation, I realized how wrong I'd been about my sweat glands. They were going into overdrive. The run around the office building had not done my sweater sweats any favors either.

"Are you okay?" a man in a red shirt and khakis asked me. "Would you like some water?"

"Yes, please," I panted.

The child holding a briefcase almost half his (the kid's) size suddenly zipped past me with a laugh, and a second too late I tried to grab him.
"Fuck! C'mere, you little-!"

I turned to take off after him but his mentor in the red shirt returned with a cup of water. Out of impatient politeness, I nodded quickly, grabbed the wobbly plastic cup, and started chugging the water down.

The child turned a corner in the hallway, escaping the office lobby.
"Oh jeez -! Here - could you hold this for just a bloody second!" I handed off the cup back to hands that sprung up.
I trotted myself across the lobby towards the hallway with my sandals thumping against the glossy floor.

When I turned the corner, I spotted him. The little brat. He was standing next to the water fountain between the restrooms, swinging the briefcase back and forth like some sort of pendulum.
"There you are," I cooed, slowly stepping towards him. "I can't let you out of my sight, buddy. Not while you're holding my special briefcase. Why don't you go ahead and bring it back to me now?"
"Aww. But you said I could hold it!" His frown so deeply created an upside-down curve on his face I pretty was sure I'd ruined his life by ending his fun.
"I know, buddy," I said "but now- now I want to show you what's inside it. Wanna see?"
"Yeah!" he cheered.
I looked up as a couple business-types strolled past me on their way down the hall. I immediately, stood up straight, nodded at them. I hadn't realized what an odd hunch I'd employed while creeping up to this kid.
"Gentlemen."
They didn't respond. Whatever.
I locked eyes on the briefcase and I inched forward, but stopped in my tracks when I saw them walk up to the kid and stop.
One man stooped down right in front of the kid. The kid looked at him shyly.
Without a word, the man put out his left hand palm up, and pointed at the briefcase with the other hand.
The kid slumped his shoulders, he sighed, yet, impossibly - without a word of protest, placed the briefcase handle in the man's open hand.

He walked back to me and I rushed to meet him.
I was speechless as he offered the briefcase back to me.
"Thank you so much... I don't - I'm not really - I don't have kids," I stammered.
He chuckled. The man was probably around my age - "middle." With salt-and-pepper hair and a hook nose.
I looked over to see his companion and the kid shaking their fists at each other - were they playing? Oh, right, rock, paper, scissors.
"What's in the briefcase?"
"Oh, hmm?"
The middle aged middle man before me pointed at the briefcase I was currently clutching it to my chest in a dear embrace.
I laughed. "Oh, nothing, just... forty-thousand dollars worth of very sensitive, very fragile biofeedback equipment."
He grimaced. "You better check on that. I saw Trevor tossing it around before he ran past you in the lobby."
He knew the kid's name? Also, FUCK, the equipment!
"Thanks, yeah, I'm sure it's fine. I'll check." I looked down as Trevor and the man's companion joined us. Trevor planted himself behind my leg as if to hide, and the other man-in-black beside the hook-nosed man.
"Do you, um, know Trevor?"
The man laughed, and his partner smiled. He put an arm around his partner, who looked back towards the first dreamily. Oh... his partner was - his partner.
"Yep," the hook-nose man said. "That's our son."
OH! Not a great look. Time to get back to business.
"Great! Sirs. Thank you, great to meet you. I was wondering when you'd be joining us for the orientation. We got a bit off track, but we'd best get going now. Come along, Trevor. Gentlemen." I stiffly patted Trevor on the shoulder, spun around, and started walking towards the lobby.
The two men were striding beside me, keeping pace, with the kid close behind.
"He'll warm up to you. We're both very excited you've decided to move forward with him."
"Of course. Trevor has such, uh, potential. Oh!" I stopped and hastily reached into my pocket, then brought out a glossy white card and offered it to the more talkative man. "There's my card if Oliver hasn't given you one yet."
He accepted it and eyeballed it.
"Thank you, Mr. Earnest."
"It's my pleasure. Shall we?"
I gave a tight smile and then started moving towards the lobby doors, towards the parkinglot, clutching the briefcase and keeping it out of reach of those tiny grabby fingers. The man in red, still holding my cup of water, started making his way towards us. He held the cup out, as if being pulled along by some invisible force on the water. Picking up my pace, I turned my gaze and fixed in upon the lobby doors to the outside. Tunnel vision, baby, I had my eyes on our escape. The four of us - or me, at least - made it out before the man could reach us. He could take that water and shove it. I had my briefcase back, I had the newest recruit, with the parents in tow -- Earnest was back in business.


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