The scars

Sitting beside the bed i covered my mouth so that no one could here me sobbing.I was mentally tired. It all started when we shifted our house and came faraway from where i wanted to continue living. we lived there for almost 14 years and now i was supposed to leave that place and it kills me everytime i think about the time i had to keep a pillow on my mouth so that no one could hear or know about what i was going through. I used to wake up every morning thinking why did i even have a life. I was away from my best friend and i used to get into fights with my boyfriend and yes i was in a toxic relationship i was dealing with a monster unaware that he could make my life a living hell. Everything was so distorted. I wanted a shoulder to cry and every night i wanted to run away from reality and alcohol was my escape. I was lost in my own world and i had no idea how to escape because to be honest you can run from situations but how can you ever run from yourself? I used to sleep with tears in my eyes every night and a hope that someday things will get better but guess what things did change but for the worse. Soon i lost the only support i had my best friend and i tried hanging out with other people and soon got engaged with the wrong tribe. Out of all the mistakes that i ever commited hanging out with the wrong people and trusting them with all my heart was the worst that i did. Even after getting betrayed by my best friend as i found out that she was hiding things from me as my boyfriend wanted her to i still gave her another chance knowing she didn't deserve it.I always had this habbit of keeping wrong people in my life the ones who did not deserve to be a part of it and the ones who played games or kept me in dark. I continued being with fake people just to say that i have somebody by my side when in reality i was just paving way towards my own personal hell. It took me a while to realize that the closest people i have ever had my best friend,my boyfriend (ex ofcourse) and the other so called friends who were just enjoying seeing me in pain they were the problem. I still held on to each one of them because i had this habbit of seeing the good in people even after they show me numerous times there isn't anything good left. But things do get better time changes. It did i soon realized that i was making a huge mistake by surrounding myself with people who were just helping me in destructing myself. I started cutting people off and one thing that i realized after doing so was that loneliness is much more better than being surrounded by the wrong people the ones who feed us with darkness while all they really promise is light. Sometimes the people that we are closest to sucks the life out of us. It took me days until i finally reached a point where i left everything that happened behind including the heartbreaks,the betrayls, the blackmail and everything else that was troubling me. I started life from a different end and made things better and i knew that i would never lose way again because this time I found myself and the little girl who use to cry herself to sleep at night is still there somewhere within me and i just want to tell that girl thank you for not giving up when life was a mess, thank you for accepting your mistakes and having the courage to move on and i am so proud of you. I wasn't strong by then to be all alone and happy but atleast i had the strength to wake up each morning even after crying the entire night with a smile on my face. I was dumb and stupid and i made mistakes but atleast i learnt and i grew from them and now when i look in the mirror everyday i don't see the girl i was ashamed i rather see a strong girl who left her past and her fears behind and live each day without being worried about tomorrow.