The Death of Late Night Comedy

Connor Bandt
Eng 102
4/6/19

The Death of Late Night Comedy

Proposal: Nowadays, late night comedy consists of reused, political, Trump bashing jokes. None of it is original, and none of it is funny. Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, late night comedy is becoming stale and unoriginal

         Late night comedy is dead. There's no way around it. Seth Meyers reused Trump joke, and Jimmy Fallon's clearly liberal stance on things is getting old. The days of Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, when comedy wasn't all about politics, are long gone and hearing the same jokes every night is becoming the norm. Therefore, I have devised a solution. Rather than wasting your time watching Trevor Noah bash Trump over and over, watch Paid programming.
         Paid programming is by far the most underrated thing on cable nowadays. With titles like, "Do you Poop Enough?" and "Useful tips to a Healthier Lifestyle" you'll never be bored with Trump jabs. Paige Hart, from Oconto, Nebraska, said, "As a diehard Republican, I'm so fucking sick of that cocky prick Trevor. Noah sitting up there bashing our savior Donald J. Trump. He ain't never done nothing wrong. He's a saint".
         She wasn't the only one who's getting sick of it either. Lamar Lewis, from Chicago's lower southside, said, "Man that mothafucka Trump the most racist ass man of all time. But I tell you what, Seth's getting mad annoying with the same jokes every night".
         This is exactly why people need to start watching more paid programming. We checked in a couple weeks after telling Lamar of our solution and he was thrilled with his results. "Man I never even thought my green poop was a problem until watching that shit" he said, "Now I'm pooping big healthy brown turds and I ain't even worrying about no late night hosts".
         Lamar's just one example of the thousands this technique has helped. Gary Johnson, a 400 lbs man from Wautoma, Wisconsin, suffers from extremely high blood pressure. He told us, "I was so caught up in these late night hosts bashing my values that I was blind to my health. I started watching the show about a healthier lifestyle and it made me aware of many problems I had no idea I had". Somehow, the fat fuck that weighed 400 lbs didn't see a problem with his health, but regardless still found a program more helpful than late. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, Gary died a week later after what would be his final trip to Culvers. But, you can see there are other options at 1 AM than Late Night Trump haters.
         We even caught up with Jimmy Kimmel to see what his take was on the death of Late Night Comedy. "I don't see a problem with the jokes. We sit down in our writer's meeting daily and discuss jokes" he said, " And I swear, every damn day that dumbass Trump tweets out some shit that we would be silly not to joke about". Our interview with him was nearly an hour long and I wanted to shoot myself after a minute. His smug ass just doesn't get that America is sick of the Trump jokes.
         When I confronted Stephen Colbert about the same issue, he proceeding to give me a wedgie and stole my pencil. I guess these guys just don't like to be questioned on their bullshit.
         So if you're sitting at home reading this, don't be filled with anger towards these late night dicks. Instead, ask yourself, "Do I poop enough?" or "Am I living a healthy lifestyle?". You'll be surprised what you might find on at 1 AM