Love letters to no one.

Hey there...

I think its silly of me to even do any of this, but I also think its really sweet.
Either way whether sad, mad, ugly, or how much I wish I could get back with you.
I know you'll be trying to focus on yourself, which also in return means you'll be looking for someone to fill that hole you have in your heart for the time being.

Yeah, I've been on tinder, okcupid, and thinking about talking to pretty, hot, and nice women.
But... that's all they are... just other women.
I respect them and wish to maybe even get them into bed, but we both know... I sadly won't.

Not because I'm hurt, not because I'm thinking about the 2nd chance I might have, and most definitely not because I want pity.

It really is just about how I still feel about you.

I kept trying to lie to myself. "Yeah! Do it! Go and chase skirts and try to get laid!", "Forget about that bitch! She never loved you!" or
"You deserve someone better! Keep your chest up, you are a fuckin MAN!" YOU ARE THE MAN!"

Then the time comes where I have the chance to have another human being interact with me on a sexual level.

Couldn't fuckin do it... Even if I was paid too.

I thought to myself. I really do just love you and you alone.

And that's big for me. I'm the PERVERT. I'm the one that fantasizes about this stuff.
But its crazy how people change.

I want to save myself for you... or well at least maybe someone like you.

Its a sad thought I know. But hell this is the 1st night I've actually put my thoughts together and grasped the reality of this situation.

Then you'll be out there, doing your own thing. Trying to forget about me. Trying to lose weight. Trying to be hot. Trying to numb the pain. Trying to meet new people to eventually take the place in your heart where I wish to be,

And by God that hurts to think. Makes me cry thinking about it, but that's normal.

What really gets me, is that night we kissed for the last time. I lied to you.
To make you think I'd be okay.

And I know, I know. You'll be thinking "But you told me that night you were going to a strip club the next day!"
Man... the things you do for love.

I lied because I felt it would be easier for you to get over me. I bet it did, while hopelessly hoping that it didn't.
Hell I played off that heartbreak so well, I deserve a fuckin oscar if anything!

Hehe, just glad I could kiss you like that one last time.
Because if I ever find someone later in life.
I want our kisses to be more like that, maybe even better.

But you will always be the best.
My longest, purest, and loving relationship.
Cheers to that.

Here's to wishing and praying to a God that doesn't exist that I win you back...
Dear God... I can only hope...