Ease My Mind

There’s something about watching the droplets of rain run down a window. It’s calming. For a second, your mind can be taken from your thoughts to focus solely on the droplet as it rolls down the window.

“Tony?” The flinch that takes his body by surprise is what brings him out of his thoughts. He blinks his eyes rapidly as he focuses back in on the present once more. He flicks his brown eyes to the man sitting across from him.

Anthony looks deep into those eyes and pauses his recently returned, rapid thoughts. The man gives him an apologetic smile.

“You spaced out on me again.” He informs Anthony softly. Anthony’s eyes turn to the plaque on the desk.

Dr. Jacob Hansen. Anthony tilts his head slightly as his memory works overtime. It’s as if a light turns on his head and his eyes track from the nameplate to the owner of the man.

“Therapy.” Anthony breathes out. Jacob’s apologetic smile turns softer, and Anthony tries to figure out why. Jacob nods and folds his arms on top of the desk that separates the two.

“Yes, do you remember why?” Anthony shifts in his seat, hands neatly kept on his lap. He licks his dry lips and he looks to the desktop. His eyebrows press together and the tension starts to build in his head. He swallows thickly after a moment and then looks back up to Jacob.

“No.” Jacob just nods, never losing his smile. Anthony tilts his head again and locks eyes with Jacob. “Is that bad?” Jacob shakes his head and writes a few things down on the pad of paper Anthony didn’t notice until just then.

“It’s alright that you don’t. It’s normal with people in your situation.” The reply sinks into his head.

“People…” He takes a second, swallowing again. “...in my situation?” He asks, confusion lacing his voice. “I don’t understand.” Jacob nods, and Anthony wonders if that’s really all the man is capable of doing.

“You will. It will take time, but I promise everything will make sense or come back to you in time. Whether it’s tomorrow or next week, who knows.” Anthony watches as Jacob closes the pad of paper and bends over to put it in what Anthony assumes is a backpack with the sound of a zipper cutting through the room. Jacob checks his watch and stands from his chair, slinging the confirmed backpack over his shoulder. “Walk with me to the front and I’ll wait with you until your ride gets here.”

Anthony blinks and slowly rises. His brain works overtime trying to figure out what Jacob was talking about.

“Tom.” He breathes out as his brain screeches to a halt at the name. “Tom’s my ride. He picks me up from here and then we go home.” Anthony whispers, following Jacob out of the door and to the stairs.

“Exactly. See? You’re doing better already.” Anthony’s forehead scrunches in confusion. He still doesn’t understand what that means. Doing better how? What happened to him?

A jolt of pain shoots him out of his thoughts. He gasps out a breath and he can see Jacob pausing beside him.

“Maybe stairs aren’t a good idea today.” Anthony shakes his head.

“No, it’s fine. The rain just gets to me sometimes.” Anthony thinks the reasoning over in his mind for a moment before decided that’s a fine enough answer for the pain in his leg. He watches the steps carefully as he takes slow steps down. He can hear Jacob hum as he must be going over the reasoning as well. “That-” Anthony pauses and licks his lips. “That makes sense, right?” They make it to the first floor in a matter of moments.

“It makes perfect sense.” Anthony nods and shifts his focus from the dirty tile on the ground to the rain-streaked windows that lie in front of him.

“Anthony!” Anthony doesn’t flinch from the sudden yell of his name, and he thinks that’s strange. He reacted oddly earlier when Jacob called him-

Oh. He must have some feelings towards the nickname. It stirred something in him, but he wasn’t sure what.

The loud footsteps that echo through the building cause Anthony to smile lightly. His eyes land on the new person in his view. The blue hair and striking green eyes click in Anthony’s mind. This is Tom. His brain runs again, trying to find all the information on him as possible.

“Hey, I’m-”

“Tom.” Anthony interrupts him. They’re standing closer together now and Anthony has to look up to meet his eyes. “You’re my roommate.” Tom barks out a harsh laugh and gathers Anthony in his arms. Tom’s hand brushes through Anthony’s hair and he can’t help the way his nose scrunches up at the movement.

“You remembered.” Tom breathes out as he releases Anthony from his grip. He still holds tightly to his arms as he holds him away slightly. “Zara will be happy to hear that!”

“I don’t know a Zara.” Tom’s face doesn’t break from the grin.

“That’s alright,” Tom reassures him. “You’re still healing. You won’t remember everything all at once and we all understand that.” The sound of a zipper breaks Anthony’s concentration on the name Zara. He turns to see Jacob pulling a notebook out of his backpack.

“I almost forgot to return this to you.” He holds out the book and Anthony’s hand twitched at his side. “It’s your journal. You’ve been using it every time you remember something, but recently you gave it back to me.” Anthony cocks his head in a questioning manner but reaches out to take the book.

“Why would I do that?” His fingers glide over the cover of the book. There’s a sense of familiarity to it that he can’t quite place. His attention is almost completely taken from the book that he almost misses the answer that comes from Tom’s mouth.

“You got angry. You hated that you couldn’t remember anything. You would re-read passages that you had written and I guess you just couldn’t handle it.” Anthony huffs out a breath and clutches the book a little tighter to him.

“That makes sense.” Tom quirks an eyebrow at him. “I mean, doesn’t it?” He asks, looking at the other men around him. “Having to go back and read through things that obviously has happened but you can’t remember them? It sounds so difficult.” Anthony bites his lip and swallows the thick lump in his throat. “I wouldn’t really wish that on anyone. I think though since you say I’m getting better, maybe this will help? Maybe the whole going back and re-reading thing will help.”

Jacob and Tom share a look that has a pit of dread starting in Anthony’s stomach.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, voice quiet and filled with worry. Tom shakes his head but sends a reassuring smile Anthony’s way.

“We just don’t want whatever you’ll read to trigger anything. I mean, we want you to remember, really we do. We just don’t want it to hurt.” Anthony worries his bottom lip and nods. “Let’s just get you home and you can worry about it later.” After saying a quick goodbye to Jacob, Anthony lets Tom usher him out of the building and into the tiny blue car that waits for them at the edge.

If the woman that stands a few feet away sends a jolt of odd familiarity through Anthony, he doesn’t think twice about it.