"The Stalker's Notebook" CH 6

The open house was a huge success. They had no less than twenty couples come through. Travis escorted them up in batches of three groupings at a time. They had received five offers, three were at or above the asking price.
A few days later..
Her phone buzzed.
It was from Marvin Hazel. Despite the ordeal of the last few days she had been seated trying to relax at one of her favorite cafes.
“Okay Laura, I spoke to the prosecutor.” Marty sounded out of breath. And then he started almost yelling at Laura “basically, they think you are crazy. A crazy nutcase. They want you hospitalized immediately. “
Laura knew this likely wasn’t ever going to go well if her own attorney was going to think she was nuts.
Did you send an email after you were arrested to the investigator?”
“Yes, he told me to. He gave me his card. I went there today to get my things.”
“Well, Megan is saying because you couldn’t let this go and you emailed him she is not offering you a conditional plea. And it's improper for him to be talking to you at all as he knows you have an attorney now. He should not have given you his card.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means she is pressing to give you a record”
“But this is my first offense ever and the detective gave me his card”
“It doesn’t really matter Laura. Walsh has all the power here. She doesn't care.
“The DAs are telling me you are a manipulative crazy nut. They are threatening to charge you with “felony coercion”. He was talking to Laura as if he was yelling at her which was pissing Laura off.
“Which to be honest I’ve been practicing law for fifteen years and never heard of it being used in this context. I even had to look it up. Basically, they are saying because you threatened to kill yourself, that fulfills the serious bodily harm element combined with saying to Dr. Emily Altheim that you would only take down your negative reviews if she spoke to you, that according to Megan is what meets the criteria for a felony. I personally don’t agree with Megan and think it's a huge stretch on their part and I don’t think it would be successful but that’s where the ADA is right now.”
“I don’t want to be committed if I threatened to kill myself it was like eight years ago.”
“They can’t just automatically commit you against your will. There has to be something specific. And it doesn’t matter. You kept calling them. They’ll say it goes to a pattern and they can claw all the way back to what you said even eight years ago.
“That’s so dumb.”
"And Hon you need to take your reviews down of them.”
“My reviews are accurate”
‘Did he just call me Hon?’
“You don't get to write reviews and keep them up when you harass people. That’s not how it works,” he was yelling at her again.
‘Why did he even care. And if Megan was definitely giving her a record then what incentive did she have to take any review down? Why wasn’t taking her reviews down being used as some form of leverage.’
“Well, I don’t even know how to.”
“Figure it out,” he screamed.
She could not stand being yelled at but she was so run over by Megan’s ridiculousness at that moment it wasn’t her immediate priority as she let Marty’s words sink in.
7 Years earlier
“Our therapy must come to an end. I think we did some really hard work together. And we certainly had some laughs together.”
‘Is that the best Altheim could do to summarize the last five years? Yes, they had shared some laughs together like the time there was a clanking noise in the wastepaper basket that turned out to be a cockroach trying to escape a diet coke can.”
“I didn’t threaten Bender. I don’t see why this has to end right now. And weren’t you the one who had said if you can’t help me no one could?”
“I called the head of Bellevue’s psych department. He said he didn’t think it's the right fit for you there. Laura was terrified of the idea of a place like Bellevue. There is the Douglas Duvall center but they only have a waitlist and they don’t take insurance. I am recommending IPDI, ‘the Intensive Personality Disorder Institute’ at Kennedy Hospital.”
Altheim continued... “It is kind of setup so if you need care, unfortunately, you have to be really rich or really poor to get into some of these programs. It is a shame it's not more accessible.”
“What, what, no”? Laura couldn't help kick her foot out a little from her seat in protest. It was the first time after seeing Altheim for five years that she was hearing from her any sort of diagnosis just by virtue of the program she was selecting.
“Personality disorder?”
“They specialize in Borderlines.” Laura didn’t really know what that was. She had heard about it casually as in “that’s what Glen Close was in that movie where she kills the bunny”. She knew they were supposed to be overly needy and hated and feared by therapists. But she had never put herself into that category. She had never considered herself that emotionally unstable or mercurial to qualify”. When she read about the diagnosis ties to survivors of child abuse it unsettled her further.
‘Was this not just a cop-out? Societies way of stigmatizing the now adults it had failed to help as children? Doctors could just point at you and say it is your personality that is fundamentally flawed as opposed to being hailed by them as a triumphant survivor”
“Why are you just telling me a diagnosis now? I’ve asked you so many times what you thought was wrong with me and what if any diagnosis would there be.”
“Well... I didn’t want you to feel stigmatized. I didn’t want you to feel that burden”
‘Are you fucking kidding me?!’
“I was burdened, you have treated me with almost nothing but outright contempt from the outset. All of this time I’ve been trying to figure out why for the last fucking five years and you knew my diagnosis and held it from me?
‘How did she ever expect Laura to participate in her own therapy?’ She understood Altheim’s theoretical point but it was like a decision ripped from the pages of an out of date textbook that didn’t reflect real life. Laura sat back baffled by the scope of the revelation. As if suddenly at the moment things had become crystal clear Altheim remained as opaque and enigmatic as ever.
“If you had told me the diagnosis from the start, maybe we could have actually worked together as a “team “ instead of us constantly going at each other”.
The part that Laura off the most was that Altheim had never consulted her about whether she wanted information withheld from her.
Altheim said nothing.
“What about us keeping in touch, maybe?”
“No, Altheim said. The word was not unexpected but it still stung like hell. Laura had tried many times to leave Altheim on her own terms because she knew she had grown attached. Again and again, Altheim had chased after her pulling her back into what Laura knew was this very one-sided relationship.
“I’ve given generously you four sessions in two weeks, which should be sufficient, to wrap this all up.
‘Had Altheim gotten that from a textbook too. She could see the headline of the essay in a medical journal “How to reject your borderline: The minimum efficient way to end reject your borderline.”
After today, if you call me again, Laura, I am going to call the police.”
“The police?” Altheim might as well have shot Laura with a Bazooka. The words overwhelmed and rattled Laura.
It felt like confirmation that Laura had spent the last five years working with a woman that hated her. It reminded her of the relationship traps she fell into. It reminded her of how she had chased Asher even though it was clear he had never been interested. Was it all just a smokescreen for her chasing her father’ s love?
How did the police enter into their relationship? Yes, she had had an issue with Bender but never with Altheim! Why was Altheim making this about her? Ugh, it felt so incredibly yucky. Laura felt vanquished. She felt smashed. She wondered what would happen if she were to stomp on the Victorian dollhouse and smash it to bits on her way out.
In their final exchange, Laura turned to Altheim on her way out the door and said, “I am going to write an online review of you. I am going to tell everyone what kind of therapist you are and what happens in here behind these closed doors”.
“I don’t care what you do online. No one will care what you have to say.” It was true that internet reviews were in their infancy at that time. But Laura understood the power of the internet. Altheim, on the other hand, was not so current with the technology. She probably did not even have an email account.

Present Moment
On top of being barked at for ten minutes, Marty asking her to take down the reviews didn’t sit well with Laura. She called Marty back and fired him. She googled searched for attorneys again and that is how she landed on the webpage of Jared Stein. They chatted on the phone. She liked the confidence she heard in his voice.
“It doesn't make sense to have an attorney who lives in Syracuse. They don't know how things work down here. I was a former Bronx ADA, so I know how to think like them. I'm in Harlem. Why don't you jump into a cab and come meet me.”
“When?”
“How about now?”

The cab ride made her feel a bit seasick. Again her thoughts went to questioning if this was all really happening? The girl who always tried to be compliant and reasonable was soon to be a convicted criminal? The seasickness reminded her of the three weeks she spent taking Lexapro - which was the only time ever she had taken any sort of antidepressant. It didn't seem to do much for her ever but make her feel anxious and have nausea. She was her mother’s daughter, and her mother was an avid homeopath - she too never wanted to become reliant on pills. No one had really ever mentioned it, including Altheim, but those nineteen phone calls over three days happened during the three week period when Laura was on Lexapro.

She was off to some Northern section of Spanish Harlem. She knew the office rents had to be substantially affordable. It made sense for an attorney who did a lot of his business in the Bronx and Manhattan to position himself there.
When she got there, she noted that there were two attorneys’ offices. Next door to Stein's office was the office of Jonathan Eagle. Jared was there to greet her. He was about her age in his early 30s. Her first impression was the carpeting and poor paint job made the place looked grimy. The waiting room had no furniture except for two metal folding chairs. The blue carpet didn’t go with the light pink walls but Laura was certain for now all of this didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered is if he was a good attorney. Laura assumed the color choices preceded Stein’s occupancy. It was her hope he was too focused on the law to fix his office. The first thing she noticed after his eyes were that he wore an expensive tie. If you got close enough to him which she did as they squeezed into his office, on his tie you could see a food stain. Again, Laura excused it away as small enough that no judge would be able to make it out in an open courtroom. All she really cared about was his grasp of the law. Pegged on the wall behind the door were two other near identical ties already knotted and ready for their time in front of the judge. His office itself was jammed with paperwork.

She had not planned on it but as soon as Laura opened her mouth the tears began to flow. She knew to cry was bad form, but she couldn’t help herself. She started to tell Jared about the shrinks and the photo. He held up his hand to stop her.
“I don't want to know your side. I only want to know the ADAs side.”
“Your side right now to me is irrelevant.”
“I need to stay focused on what the ADA thinks. Do you remember the name of your ADA?”
“No. Not really. Maybe if you say it, I’d recognize it.”
“Let me look up your case.”
He turned to his computer.
“It is Megan Reilly.”
He looked down at the floor as he played with his tie.
“I’ve never had a case with her but inf full disclosure I have to tell you that I do know Megan Reilly. Is that an issue for you?”
“How do you know her?”
“What I can say is it is not in a work capacity.”
He didn't want to get into details and Laura wasn’t in the frame of mind to want to know more. Laura just wanted to be able to trust him.
“What about Bender? You are obviously Jewish. Do you know them?”
“I worked in the Bronx but I am from Staten Island and no I do not know them.”
‘Haha he was from Staten Island.’ Laura always thought of Staten Island as the forgotten borough. In all of her years in New York, she had only ever been there twice. She always felt it was rare to meet someone from Staten Island in the circles she was in.
“I just want to say I am sorry this is happening to you.”
“Thanks, Jared.”
“I know it's rough.” It was rough.
“My family lost their house in Hurricane Sandy.”
“Oh, wow.”
“I mean it's my parents. I don’t live there anymore but I grew up there.”
“I am sorry to hear about that.” Laura said.”
They signed a contract stating she was hiring him for the duration of the case for $3,000.
“You do realize though we are going to plead this case out? He looked at her. His eyes met hers. I will handle dealing with Marty Haze. This is not the first time I've stolen his clients away from him. He smirked.
She made out his first check for the $1,500.
“Have you started any kind of therapy?”
“Yes. I am seeing a new doctor. Her name is Amy Goodfellow.”
“Good! I think you could use it.” Laura tried hard not to be offended. She could understand even through her tears how he had perceived her.
We could go in the direction of insanity as a strategy. But being declared legally insane will be on your record forever, so I don't know if you want that.”
“Uh no, I really don't.”
“Also, it could be hard to convince the court shrink. I mean my client who did it was banging her head against the wall to the point of drawing a sizable amount of blood during the interview. That is how she convinced them.”
“You have to understand something about how this works…,” he turned his head away from his computer to look at her.
“if this were charged in the Bronx it would be much easier for us. The juries there are not made up of professionals in the same ways they are in Manhattan. In Manhattan, the DAs office is filled with the sons and daughters of privilege. That’s how Vance has stacked his offices. They are all spoiled and high achieving Ivy League talent who have probably not experienced a difficult day in their entire lives. It does not give any of them with a lot of empathy for someone like you who has suffered some difficulties in your life... I am certain Megan cannot relate to you. However, in Manhattan, the ADA has been fucking up a lot lately. As in losing cases, they should have won. But you have to realize in Manhattan they still think their shit don't stink.”
“Ok, Jared. Well, thanks for your help. We shall be in touch than”.
“Yes.”
“We have a court date next Monday. I will see you then”.
Court, Monday.
Laura understood that she was not an ideal legal. She had emailed back and forth with Jared. She had lots of questions. The legal pressure had gotten under her skin. He was responsive to her.
Megan was not there in court that day. They had sent a lower level ADA.
After court Jared had caught up with and spoke with Megan. “She said that you stalked them and that you went to one of the doctors' houses.”
“That’s not true”.
“That’s what she is saying,” said Jared.
She had gone to Altheim’s office. She had never shown up at either of their houses.
“Can’t they like to check the GPS on my phone to show that I’ve never been there?”
He laughed..
“It doesn’t work that way. This is not CSI. What you see on television isn’t real. They don’t put those kind resources into misdemeanors.”
“They are offering a plea. They want you to enter into a treatment program at Kennedy.”
“I don’t want to enter into a treatment program. I want to continue to see the doctor that I am seeing one-on-one.”
“Megan feels that clearly private therapy hasn’t worked. She needs to be able to track the therapy.”
“What happens if I say no?”
“You can’t say no Laura. If you say no she is threatening to indict you for felony coercion”.
“What’s the coercion?”
“That you threatened to kill yourself when the doctor wouldn’t speak to you”.
“Lovely so Megan wants to coerce me into a treatment program I don’t want and using a threat of charging me with coercion to do so, that makes almost no sense”.
He shrugged.
“That’s how this works”.
“What if I don’t qualify for the program. I mean don’t I have to be accepted into it”?
“You’ll be accepted. Make yourself accepted. My black drug dealing clients just suck it up and do their time. They don’t argue. Stop being such a white spoiled brat.” Her jaw dropped.

‘Did he just actually just say those words to her?’
“What you are not understanding is Megan has all the power. She holds all of the power”.
“But but she is not a doctor, how can she even know what I need?”
“It doesn’t matter he said. She can select whatever program she wants.”
“How is this in any way ethical?”
“It doesn’t matter. That’s just how the system works. Megan is a decent person. She’s just doing this to protect her own ass. This way if you re-offend and end up on the cover of the Post she can say she gave you the harshest punishment possible”.
It was extremely distasteful to Laura to hear Jared fighting for Megan’s position in this. It didn’t feel like Jared had fought for her at all.
“Megan is a high level A.D.A. She is not generally involved with misdemeanors. This is an unusual situation. Keep in mind this it not like a drug addiction where you can just give someone a test to see whether or not they are still using.”
Laura had read that Megan was the prosecutor who had handled the Uma Thurman stalking case. The other case Laura had read about was the Ivanka stalker. In both cases those stalkers had schizophrenia.
“Does she think I have schizophrenia? because I don’t,” Laura said.
“No. She doesn’t. But she is not a mental health professional, she is a lawyer. She doesn’t know what you have. I mean I am sure she has had some consultation,” he said.
Laura could picture Altheim telling Megan that Laura would never get better. She hadn’t seen Megan in years. It was all so messed up in Laura’s view. Altheim was wrong. Laura could get better.
“How long with this take?,” Laura asked.
“We have about six weeks. Until then keep seeing Goodfellow and I agreed with Megan that the photo isn’t so bad. I mean they were colleagues working in the same profession. There is nothing unusual about them socializing.”
“What do you mean it’s not a big deal?” she said challenging him.
“Part of my strategy is to agree with Megan where I think it’s wise to be agreeable and I don’t see the photo as a big deal.”
Laura was outraged by this. How could her own attorney not see their betrayal as not a big deal? At least her first attorney had understood the significance of the photo and the fallout it had had. She was not liking Jared or his strategy one bit. He was seemingly too close to Megan.
Laura almost was getting the idea Jared wanted to fuck Megan by the way he spoke of her. Laura didn’t think that was the nature of their connection but Jared sure did seem to have a hard-on for Megan.
“I have other clients too Laura. I need to keep on good terms with DAs. Megan’s a high-level DA there.
Laura scoffed at what he was saying in discussed but she didn’t feel like she had a lot of options.
“Is it ok if I write a complaint to HIPAA about the doctors?”
“As long as you don't contact them do whatever you want. You don’t even need to ask me. I am the cleanup king” he said whatever that meant.
“Good because Goodfellow agreed with me it would be good for my healing process if I felt I was able to express my voice in all of this”.

It was Travis. She thought about whether she could tell Travis. She trusted him enough with the information. She wanted to use him to practice telling someone. They were friends but once he moved back to Georgia to marry his fiancé he wasn’t the type that was going keep in touch. He did look like a much more handsome adult Southern gentleman non-Jewish version of Asher.
“Laura, are you ok?”
“Yeah, I got arrested. It's a misdemeanor”
“What happened?”
“I got in to fight.”
“Oh, what kind of fight?”
“It's a long story.”
“it's ok, You don’t have to tell me.”
“It was with two of my former therapists.”
“Oh, how did that happen?” She could tell in his voice he was amused but didn’t really care and that was fine with Laura. She was glad just to have someone to tell
“It’s just a really long story”.
“I am so sorry I missed seeing your mom. I am not sure how this will affect my career”
“It's ok. We had a great time together. don’t feel too bad.”
“What if they take away my license?”
“Well, I’ve been arrested twice for public intoxication in Georgia back when I was in college.” He said.
“If that happened to me. My mother would hire the meanest lawyer. She’d be all over the prosecutor.” From what Travis had told Laura of his mother, who was a real go-getter and started her own real estate firm in Georgia which now employed four hundred people, she probably could talk Travis out of legal trouble. Laura was highly aware that the system was definitely responsive to clout and money leaning on it.
“I can’t tell my mother. She’s sick and I don’t want to upset her”.
Travis and Laura rode the elevator to the top of the Cheshire. Laura had invited Rachel. Rachel had baked cupcakes. They were decorated to look like turkeys since Thanksgiving was around the corner. Rachel had this kitchen decorating style that was cute but Laura didn’t really like it.
“Maybe one day when I retire as a lawyer I’ll sell cupcakes.”
There was this stud muffin Israeli doctor there Laura had met before and another one of her goofy male neighbors was there. He has big ears. She knew he is a banker. He supposedly had a girlfriend although Laura had never met her.
“Laura, what do you do?” Asked the doctor.
“I’m a real estate agent.”
“Do you offer some sort of discount for residents?” the banker asked.
“Maybe. I’m sure we could work something out.”
“So what kind of doctor are you?” the banker asked.
“A gynecologist.”

“This is a networking event you know. Is there some sort of building discount for that for the ladies? Do you give private consultations.”
Laura laughed really hard. Too hard but the others followed her with roaring laughter.
The section of Queen’s that Laura’s mother lived in looked quintessentially like queens. A smatter of boxy brick pre-world war two buildings, colonials, and mansions that spanned a cornucopia of different styles built up around avenues with laundromats, dollar stores, Korean markets, and Chinese takeouts. Laura’s mother lived on the second floor of a nineteen twenties style building chosen for its proximity to synagogue. The architecture was beautiful and evoking gothic charm including it's a red and black gloomy lobby. For what they were paying in rent the apartment itself was cavernous. It was a three bedroom including a home office and separate formal dining area with ten-foot ceilings.

October 1990
Dinner time
Laura’s mom served the lasagna.
Laura takes a bite of her lasagna. It tastes a little dry but reasonable. She continues eating until she sees the translucent vegetable on her fork.
“I thought I told you please not to make it with onions.”
“Oh, I forgot.”
“Why do you bother asking if you are just going to forget?”
“I am sorry.”
“You know I hate onions.” Laura was sulking.
“What’s wrong with onions. They bring a lot of flavors.”
“They looked like worms to me.”
Laura then picked up a handful of cooked broccoli from her plate and a quarter cup of water poured onto the plate. Francesa couldn’t help her laughter.
“The broccoli has no salt, there’s no flavor”
“ Come on Laura. You are making a mess. I am sorry forgot to season it.”
Present Moment
The blessing over the wine was said. Laura had remembered to turn off her eye phone but she did sneak a look at it when everyone got up to wash their hands. Lunch began with a feast of appetizers including an overcooked baked salmon, Israeli salad, gefilte fish, hummus, challah, babaganoush, olives, pickles and so on. The main course was sweet potato, rice, and some version paprika and Zatar flavored chicken composed by Israel aka “Srooly” Laura’s step-father.
Srooly was a hulking man. His father had been a traveling salesman and a born again Christian. Srooly’s mother was a German Jew. Srooly had come to Judaism when he was in his twenties and got much of his former education learning Talmud in Crown Heights. He was a day laborer. He had met Laura’s mother on a dating website and were married three months later. She was his third wife.

““We met your mother’s nephews the other day at the lake. Oh did you also meet her two nieces and sister-in-law?” Laura asked.
“I don’t know. I am not good at remembering women. I only remember men.” he said.
“Really?” she asked incredulously.
“Until I met your mother I didn’t really care for women.” Laura could believe that. They were totally devoted to each other and he was rough around the edges chauvinist. He did seem to make Laura’s mother very happy and that made Laura happy no matter her own like or dislikes for him.

“What do you want for dinner, honey?”
“Vegetable Lasagna? But this time can you make it without onion, please. I don’t like onions.”
“Ok.”

Laura dials Jared. He answered.
“I have some bad news. I can’t continue to see Goodfellow”.
“What! why not?
“Well, I live in a five hundred unit building as it turns out we are neighbors.”
“How did you find that out, Laura?”
“I googled”
“You need to stop googling people”.
“That’s it we are going to lose Megan is going to catch wind that you bothered another therapist and she is going to retract the plea. Have you been googling me, Laura? Do you know where I live? Are you going to stalk me then too? How can I know that you aren’t going to stalk me?
Megan Reilly had clearly gotten deep into his head.
“Did you just ask me if I was going to stalk you too?! How dare you ask me that. Do you think Casey Anthony’s attorney would be asking her if she was going to kill him?
“I said it as more of just a kind of hypothetical”. He was trying to distance himself from the words he had just flung at her.
“Bullshit, that was no hypothetical.”
“Do you ask your rapist and murderer clients if they are going to rape and murder you?”
This was one giant heaping pile of dung now. Laura felt at that point she had no choice but to fire Jared.
What a fucked up corrupt process.
She fired Jared.

He called to follow up and tell her that he had let Megan know the case was being transferred.
“I just want you to know Laura when I let Megan know you’ll be transferring attorneys her response was that’s funny because it seems like you were doing a really good job for her,” Jared told her.
Laura furrowed her brow in disbelief.
Laura could not decipher if it was just Jared that was being delusional or it was a shared delusion between Megan and Jared that somehow what was happening was ethical and that he had actually done his job at all for her.