Last Night

Last Night.... Scarlett Blacck

data-p-id=445bbad275ed269a6404b65e379cd63c,Last night I fell asleep crying.
My body shook violently in silence.
I wanted the pain to end.
I wanted the nightmares to stop.
I wanted to be at peace.
But somehow that felt like unrealistic yearning
data-p-id=1e8267d3c565021f3e59b1e9c8297bd7,Last night I almost did it.
The bottle of colorful pills laid there seductively.
They whispered to me persuasively
I swear they told me to drink them.
I wanted to drink them.
I think I almost drank them.
data-p-id=d4c167a4bc0aaa97c64e043c5265a1c4,Last night he saw my scars,
They were pretty scars,
They reminded me not to drown,
He didn't say anything,
He ignored them,
I made more pretty scares.
Fresh ones ,because when he pretended like he didn't notice them again
I almost drowned
How could he not see the pain that  was suffocating me.
data-p-id=e9536c429f467345cdc9ad78cc43a88e,Last night the doctor came to see me,
She was nice,
But she didn't care
She didn't understand,
It was ok,
No one understood,
So I ignored her,
She gave up,
They all did,
data-p-id=ec50893003789bc8028142a512efb56a,This morning I struggled to get up,
I was drowning,
The voices in my head were too loud,
The doctor left me a blank book,
She said it will help if I wrote down what I felt
I nodded
She left it by my bed
I stared at the book.
data-p-id=a7315a21a8efa93a6d6ef60f327dd088,When the voices started again,
When the drowning suffocated me,
I grabbed a pen and wrote,
I wrote till it got quiet.
data-p-id=05ced8152228e4f9a3460f1ed36ca7a3,The voice isn't too loud anymore,
I sometimes drown,
But I'm learning how to swim,
I stop seeing him,
He didn't care,
I forgave him.
data-p-id=fe7ecff9d06378b7c38522affd4bc372,I still cry...
I still look at the pretty pills,
But unlike last night,
I don't reach out for them,
I don't shake as bad.
data-p-id=ed7457c1691dd8d50d98bd8d0d3b678b,Maybe tonight won't be like last night
Maybe one night I will be fully okay.