Drowning

Drowning.
Deeper, deeper, deeper.
Below the surface.

I cry out,
But no one is listening.
I sob,
But the world turns a deaf ear.

It all starts with one bad moment;
One minute, one second even.
The world shifts,
And everything is different.

My mind is numb.
My heart is cold.
The world is wrong.
I don’t feel anything.

I am lost.
A lonely shadow roaming the Earth,
With no one to care for it,
And no one to notice when it’s gone.

I drift, empty.
Wanting, wishing, waiting.

A spark.
A moment of pain.
A moment of feeling.
Then it’s gone;
Leaving nothing but scars.

If they ask,
I got a cat.
But they don’t ask.

They tell me it gets better.
They tell me I’m okay.
They tell me it’s not so bad.
They tell me to smile.
So I smile, but I also scream.

They talk to me like they know who I am;
Like they know how I feel;
Like they know what I’m going through.

I nod,
I smile,
I laugh.

But inside,
I cry,
I sob,
I weep.

Because I know who I am,
And I know how I feel,
And I know what I’m going through.

And I know;
I’m not okay;
It won’t get better;
And it’s not bad, it’s worse.

I write the note.
I feel the pain.
I see the light.
I reach out;
Wanting, wishing, waiting.

A crash, a flash, a siren blaring in my ears.
I open my eyes.

I see their faces.
The ones who noticed.
The ones who cared.
The ones who made my life worth living.

I smile.
I cry.
I feel better.
But better doesn’t last forever.

I am one in every five teenage girls in America - suffering in silence.