Venting my hole

A vent
is a hole
and something comes out
that must
or the thing
with the hole
will explode
or die

I purged you out of my life,
but you
crawled back up that vent
and into my sleeping mind
you cried snot and manipulation
your nice new girlfriend
tried to negotiate with me
on your behalf
for my things
that you wanted to take from me
more
take more from me
because it wasn't enough
taking all you already had

you know
the assault
the rape
the ugly words that you said
weren't fair of me
to say out loud
where people might hear
cause I thought it wasn't fair
that you got to take my body
without my consent
but hey
let's just keep that quiet
because god forbid
your reputation
might be tarnished

after all
you are such
a nice guy

with so many friends
unlike me
angry and sour
who wants to hear
the sad, painful, uncomfortable words
that drip
nay, rip
from my mouth
"I'm sorry that happened to you"
not acknowledging
that it wasn't some accident
something that just 'happened' to me
no
you did that to me
did that to me
did that to me
DID THAT TO ME
but they
don't want to face
the ugliness
and deflect
preferring the comfortable avoidance
of your rapist misfeasance
lets all pretend my inconsonance
was never spoke into the air
silence me, o rape culture
label me another angry feminist
diminish me, my pain
shove it under the rug
so you can live
in the beautiful city above the clouds
where I will never again belong
can't pretend there's nothing wrong
I live with the dirt in my skin now
tarnished from my feet to my brow
can't seem to scrub it off nohow
maybe time will allow me -

"but that was months ago, and I said I was sorry."