Grocery Store Lust

I was in the grocery store today and noticed a middle-aged man shopping with his wife. They were browsing the fruits and vegetables section, the wife busily handling and picking over pears, searching for the maximum freshness I assumed. Her germy hands went sliding over the skin of almost every piece of fruit on the rack, making me completely furious. God only knows where her hands had been previously. Probably digging through the deepest crevices of her anus to wipe, or scratch some horrible itch. I pictured myself huddled over the commode, violently heaving after eating on the now-tainted pears. I frowned and crossed "pears" off my shopping list.

Suddenly, around the corner walked a dazzling beauty. The young woman, who appeared to be college-aged, came gracefully prancing through the produce section, a stylish purse over her arm. She was a dark brunette with flashing green eyes, full lips, and a perfectly symmetrical face. Her skirt stopped far above her knees and her legs were a perfect bronze as they led up to a rump that surely was created by Aphrodite herself. My jaw dropped when I saw her, as did sack of cobbed corn I was holding. She was truly a sight for sore eyes. And I would know because my eyes have been very sore lately due to my recent failed laser eye procedure (lawsuit pending).

I glanced back at the married man. He was ogling the stunning broad as a hungry horse would a fresh patch of grass. I continued watching as looked her up and down, taking in and appreciating her grace and beauty. If looks could have sex, he would definitely be having sex with her. The man's penis was clearly hard as he gazed lustily at this fair maiden. He then looked back at his wife, his eyes travelling from top to lumpy bottom, and his face fell into a look of distaste and shame. His gaze went back to the beautiful girl and then to his wife, who was short, frumpy, and not attractive in any way. The poor man's face twisted into a painful grimace as he clutched his stomach and heaved. Then he looked towards the sky and groaned, shaking his fist at God. He attempted to pull off his wedding band, but failed as his fingers had grown much fatter over the long years with this woman. A single tear ran from the corner of the man's eye and trickled down his face. The man fell to his knees and from his jacket, he produced a small handgun, which he pointed at his head. Before anyone (besides me) had a chance to notice or say anything, he pulled the trigger. A horrific gunshot blast thundered through the grocery store. The man screamed in agony, clutching the side of his head. It seemed that in his haste, he had failed to take proper aim and sent the bullet directly through his left ear. Blood and pieces of ear were splattered all over the vegetable stand.
With a scowl, I crossed "carrots" off my shopping list.