Windows Technical Department

It was just after 7:30pm when my favourite show was interrupted by a shrill ringing. I groaned irritably, turned the television down then trudged barefoot into the hallway.

“Yes, hello,” I said into the receiver as I answered the phone. There was a slight pause and then someone answered.

“Good after noon sir, I am calling you from the window’s technical department,” said a female voice.

“From where?”

“Windows Technical Department and we have received messages that your windows is having a virus...”

“Oh for the love of Benji, are you guys still trying to run that stupid scam?”

“But sir, your windows are having a virus. You need to open windows and …”

“The only thing I need to do is hang up and call the police. Please don’t ring this number again.”
“But the window viruses…”

I hung up, terminating the call, then wandered back into the living room, slumped down on the couch and turned up the television. As I sat there I heard a strange creaking noise then a slight rattling. It stopped for a few seconds.

“Ah,” came a voice from seemingly nowhere. It startled me as I had thought up until then that I was alone in the house. “Ahhhh”

“Who’s there?” I called out, turning down the television again and looking round the room.

“Ahhhh….ahhhhh…..ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

“Show yourself! I am trained in martial-arts. I don’t want to hurt you but I will if you don’t show yourself.”

“Choooooooo!!!!!!!!!” answered the stranger.

Seconds later the top left window seemed to explode.

“What the…”

“Ahhhhhhh….chooooooo!”

Another window self-destructed, then another and another. Panic overwhelmed me as I concluded that someone was shooting at me from outside. I threw myself to the floor and belly crawled behind an armchair for protection, taking care not to cut myself on the shattered shards of glass littering the room.

All was quiet for a few seconds, then…

“Ahhh…ahhhhhh…..ahhhhhhhhhh…..ahhhhhhhhhhh….choooooooooo!!!!!!!!”

Yet another window combusted, with a violent crash. I scanned the room but there was no sign of any bullets.

“Will someone tell me what the blistering blue blazers, is going on here?”

We're not feeling too well.” answered multiple clogged voices.

“Who said that?”

“US… your windows, we’ve have caught a terrible virus.”

So there you have it. The Windows Technical Department was right all along.