Not My Problem

Some things you shouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, and this is definitely one of them. Hell, if it was about someone else, I wouldn’t touch this subject with anything shorter than the span of the globe, but that’s just me. I did a lot of stupid shit through the years, especially when I was a teenager, as everyone seems to. It’s not like I killed puppies or anything like that, I’m not a psycho. I did however, might have accidentally summoned a demon, because it sure did sound like a lot of fun. It was really just one of those things, where wanting trumped reason. I’m not 16 anymore though, I’m 29, I live a nice stable life, and I have a girlfriend who, incidentally, doesn’t know anything about said demon. It lives in my closet though, and it’s been getting really noisy lately. Probably hungry. Problem is, it only seems to like human blood. Which is why I have killed a lot of people through the years, and fed it with the blood, smearing it across the inside of the closet. Keeps it occupied and somewhat happy, when it gets to lick it off of stuff. Obviously I can’t relay this little detail to my girlfriend, even if she is really pushing for us to move in together. What am I supposed to say? “Sure honey, but I come with a demon!”? Nope, that sentence is never going to bring forth joy. Instead I’m trying to find it a new home, and I finally think I’m on to something. A nice, big house, filled with the laughter of children; cozy looking from the outside and always smelling of fresh baked cookies. Because let’s face it, not everything can be my problem, right?