Writings never read

Hello, welcome to my brain.

I am but a young girl struggling through life, hiding it all behind a smile and a happy persona. This is what's happening behind that smile of mine, look into my eyes and see not the lies but the truth behind the smile. Look closely, see beyond what I show you, hear what I am silently shouting at you.

Before I continue, I want you to know that I have survived, do not weep for me. I just want you to look around you and see truly. Your loved ones are suffering right in front of you. Reach out to them, please.

Okay,I have stalled for long enough.

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Not the beginning, but far from the end.

I am tired.
Tired of everything. You know, when one keeps everything inside, people tend to overlook the fact that they too are human beings with emotions and everything . Taken for granted, they feel overlooked, unnoticed . ALONE . So it goes:

21 AND DEPRESSED .

I have absolutely no reason to keep going.
No reason to hold on. I am so tired, drained really.
No ones sees. No one knows.
I am tired of standing with everyone in front of their demons but alone when facing mine. I don't want to keep fighting, no, I just want to stop and let the pieces fall where they may. I don't think I can hold on anymore. Call me a coward but every time a new obstacle arises, all I can think about is just ceasing to be. I am tired of the effortless smile I keep on giving everyone. It's there to keep the questions away. See? I'm irrational, aren't I? I want them to know but I don't want to tell.

But I've been called dramatic for being human too many times to count. I am not just a woman, I am human and I am tired.
Two failed attempts under my belt have lead me to believe something bigger than me wants me alive. I hesitate now for fear of another fail, they might notice this time and keep me under observation, taking away all my chances. I can't look at anything innocently these days. Always looking to find ways to end this misery. I'll never be suicidal, but I am forever tired.

I have been fooling myself, for a while there I thought I could do this, live I mean. NO, I can't do this. I am tired. Exhausted . Can I lay my weapons down now? Take off my armour? It's torn up anyway. I no longer need it, I'm done.
Take your best shot.
Don't miss. Please.