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Amruta the Adventurous |
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The Full interview with Amruta: 1. First -- tell us -- what is the MOST exciting adventure you've ever embarked on? Yes, pick ONE. After almost twenty years of having lived my days pretty much on my own terms-a workaholic, a natural leader and a passionate rebel in overdrive, my core systematically came crashing for nine years after I had turned thirty in 2000. During this trying period I had alienated myself from all the values I held dear. The principles of change, adaptation, learning, progress and evolution that I lived by even as a child had flown out of my apartment window, one by one. My self-esteem, confidence and focus were at an all-time low, almost non-existent, frankly.Why had I changed, become diffident and fearful-this complete stranger unto myself, who for some inexplicable reason needed to seek approval from even Tom, Dick and Harry when it didn’t matter? Yes, I had become the ‘every married girl story’. Unbelievable as it sounds, it’s true. It didn’t make sense and when I look by now, it still doesn’t because it really doesn’t need to be that way for any girl or woman. But you know what? I am glad that I did go through what I did and when I did for it opened my eyes to the fact that only I had destroyed myself. I had chosen to succumb to circumstances that lead to the complete mummificationof my living self. I had chosen to ignore that my place in every equation is equal. My greatest adventure from the time I turned a corner thenhas been and will continue to be,me. Recognising and accepting that I had wronged my essence and that only I could remedy my mistakes by making new choices was a high. Rekindling the affair with myself was exhilarating! Every step to restoring and reconstructing ‘me’ was exciting-whether it was hunting for a counsellor, sharing fears with a complete stranger, accepting that I needed to be on anti-anxiety and anti-depressants till I got a hold of myself, joining salsa and belly-dancing classes or trying out things I had never done before, like writing and moving cities for the very first time at forty, for example. Recreating the old-new me set the stage for a number of adventures that followed in and post 2010. 2.Okay, okay. I know you were itching to write more, for that first answer. So here's your chance. List the TOP FIVE most adventurous things you've done in your forty-odd years. It all began in Septemeber 2009 with my counsellor suggesting that I try writing to which I had spat out “Cruela” laugh. For a person who at best wrote out grocery lists for most part of the past nine years, serious writing seemed rather far-fetched. But, I was on a mission and lo and behold, the words tumbled out of my brain and sat snugly on my computer in a Word document which later started to faintly look like a manuscript. I had a substantial number of poems, better described as quotes in my mind, which I shared quite frequently on Facebook. My friends thought they would look good in a book. May be it was out of vanity but I’d like to believe that it was out of desire to learn something new-the first book saw the light of day in 2013. Right from editing to applying for the ISBN number to type-setting to font selection to lay-out to printing to marketing-with the help of experts I had entered the world of publishing I had no prior knowledge of. I was rediscovering myself, remember? In May 2010 I fulfilled my five-year-long wish- I got inked. I walked into a well-known tattoo parlour in Bandra and declared that I wanted two tattoos. I will never forget the stunned look on the tattoo artist’s face. ‘Ma’am two tattoos at one go?’, he had asked to which I had simply smiled. ‘Have you got a tattoo done before?’ I remember saying something like, ‘Can we just get on with it before I change my mind?’ Then came the decision of what I wanted the artist to tattoo! I had never thought about it. All I knew was I wanted two tattoos. After going through four picture albums and several other reference images online, I zeroed down on what and where. That ‘grrrrrr’ sound of the needle was like music to my ears and I did a Cheshire cat all through the two hours that I sat in various positions, some sitting, some lying down till finally the last of the cling film was wrapped around the slightly sore skin and I walked out a completely satisfied woman. No one in my family and none of my friends knew what I was up to. That evening I walked in through the door of the apartment and declared, ‘I got two tattoos’ and didn’t bother about the reactions. How I moved to Bengaluru was an adventure in itself and a rather shocking and unbelievable decision not to me but first for my husband and children then my parents and sister and then my well-knit extended family and friends who all live in Mumbai. My children, then in the second and fourth grade were at the fag end of their summer vacations. My close college buddy had decided to move to her house in Bengaluru but had no help setting up, resettling her girls back into a school they had a brief stint insome years ago, moving boxes and all that which comes with moving lock, stock and barrel. This was the June of 2010. My children and I accompanied the moving party. In the midst of visiting the school to the uniform store to buying groceries to familiarizing myself with the gated community that she lived in, I knew I had found a new home for my family and myself, finally! All those previous years of angst, despising Mumbai for what it had become, the cramped spaces, lack of affordable homes and recreation, the ‘wanna be’ culture suddenly had a solution right in front of me. On our return return to Mumbai-my children went back to a new academic year and I started planning the challenging pitch.How does one approach the subject of moving to a city that ‘seemingly’ had nothing to offer us besides its salubrious weather? While I was convinced beyond doubt that this indeed was an opportunity to create a new chapter in our lives, to learn new skills and create new challenges, broaden our horizons and push our boundaries literally and metaphorically, create more congenial living conditions for the family, how does one convince a set of people vehemently holding on to their idea of ‘a settled life of a forty-year-old’?One does not. The only person other than me who needed to taste the pudding was my forty-three-year-old husband. In about two weeks my husband and I were on a plane to Bengaluru. I had requested my friend to help set up a visit to a house that was for sale in the very same community she resided. My husband and I visited the school I was proposing for our children. He was completely bowled over, the house and the school indeed seemed to fit the bill-the one he had only visited in passing because of my constant complainingand I had aggressively pursued. I for the very first time in my married life, had initiated a decision for my family. We moved to Bengaluru in August, 2010. This city is now namma Ooru to all of us. While my husband continues to for the most part work out of Mumbai, we as individuals and as a family have found our groove. 2013-14 marked the beginning of an entirely new chapter for me, as a poet and a host for a monthly poetry event at Bengaluru’s coveted book store and event space. My first book saw its release in Mumbai, Pune and Ooru. My stint with the poetry evenings is now in its fifth year and I have reveled in each one of them. I am on the organising committee of the city’s prestigious poetry festival. It’s been ecstatic to say the least. In 2016 I found a job as a writer at one of the sought-after online platforms. My stint lasted just five months. In June that year, I lost my job as quickly as I had found it. It shook me, definitely. A woman who had finally laid her hands on a source that made her financially independent after fifteen-long years, was thrown out of gear with no prior notice. Overnight, I had no income and nothing to do. It was in August I remember that out of sheer boredom, I dismantled all the neckpieces I had that were made of beads. I started stringing them in my own patterns and colour combinations-only to keep myself from idling and relieving the stress of being unemployed. It’s fine to bead a neckpiece but how does one finish it? Then came the long hours of Youtube videos and a rising interest in how to make jewellery. Every morning I would be excited about what I was going to create that day. In about one week, I had gifted at least six of my friends with neckpieces I had made from start to finish and boy, were they overjoyed! That September I ordered my first set of raw material online and that was how my jewellery brand was born. Another brain-teasing, tickling and unnerving project I relished month by month is now a registered brand which is in its second year. I am now self-employed and am able to pay for groceries, bills and salaries for most parts of the year and have a little left to reinvest in the business. 3. Who, aside from yourself, has/have been the biggest contributor(s) to this adventure called your life -- first, in a positive way. AND Whether we like it or not, some negative experiences actually help shape our adventures. Would you like to share something negative (or someone) that actually helped you along your path, though you didn't know it at the time? The word life is a body of dynamics-yourself, significant others, others on the fringes, personal experiences, events outside personal experiences so on and so forth. The self and the environment is as much mutually exclusive as jointly exhaustive. Life is a constant interplay between the person and the environment. Every single person, including myself has affected me. All most everyone I know closely and everything I’ve done (whether positive or detrimental) has contributed to my kitty of learning and thus my perspective. While just a handful of people and events related to them have had a forceful negative impact-they helped me change adversity into an opportunity. I am grateful to all-the good, the bad, the ugly. 4. You, personally, play several roles in your life. What are these roles? How are these roles connected with each other? How are they separate from each other? I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and a friend. My circle is large and keeps expanding. While the labels of each role are different, every relationship is based on common principles-that of sharing which is based on exchanging notes (on the day, joy, experiences, ambitions, fears, insecurities, grief) and contributing positively to enriching the life of everyone involved. What changes with each role is the language and manner in which one conducts oneself. 5. If life is a roller-coaster, what has been your highest moment? Lowest, if you would like to share it? The lowest point was losing myself and my belief system. The highest was recognizing that I had lost myself and getting back to piecing myself together. 6. What has been the biggest risk you've ever taken, either on your own behalf, or on behalf of someone dependent on you? What was the result? It has to be the move to Bengaluru. I had two young children dependent on me. I had decided to uproot them from their cushy lives in Mumbai and throw them into a foreign environment with no knowledge of it whatsoever. They had to give up their home, doting grandparents and relatives, friends and school, all of which they held dear. Yes, like always, teething problems seemed endless and challenging-each new day tested my resolve and my decision. While my children adjusted to school rather easily, they constantly missed their buddies and cousins in Mumbai. Talking to them through their low points and making them see the positives of the move got increasingly tough in the initial years. Yes, they had moved to a larger house, had a garden, even fulfilled their dream of adopting doggies—but why couldn’t they have all of this in Mumbai? I struggled with that question for almost two years. It all turned around in our third year in Bengaluru. My older son began pursuing hockey passionately and is now a state-level player having represented at the school, state and national level. My younger son pursues athletics-he too represents his school—has bagged overall championship cups and proudly lifts them up with each victory. Both my children are keenly involved in all the literary events and jewellery exhibitions I’m a part of. They volunteer for the literature and poetry festivals in the city, pack and unpack jewellery and keep a track of the accounts for my company. Having their doggy brothers has taught them how to interpret non-verbal communication, compassion and the fact that they too are responsible for another living being. Just like mine, their experiences are adding to their kitty of learning and knowledge. 7. Who is / are your role models? Do you think you are a role-model for anyone (don't be modest, be realistic) -- and if so, what have been the significant influences you've had on their lives? Everyone I can take away a learning from is my role model. I don’t know whether I am a role model for others, but I am willing to share and help those who come to me with questions. 8. Your children are growing up now and having their own adventures. How does this feel? I am an excited mother. My children often wonder what makes them reaching puberty or lifting a trophy, sitting at a registration desk, working backstage, taking girls out is so thrilling for me! They wonder whether I am truly their ‘mom’ or some freak who doesn’t know how to behave like one. I mean which mom wants to throw a party because her kids reached puberty and entered the first exciting phase of their lives? Our best moments for us are before retiring for the day-the three of us huddle in a room and chat, crack jokes and play music. We share and exchange notes on studying and how horrible it is, playing and how thoroughly satisfying it is, first crushes and dating, making money and everything a sixteen and fourteen-year- old can think of. To know that the children have their own adventure coming up is cause for a celebration! |
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