sometimes

Sometimes I feel like i’m drowning.

Sometimes I feel like the pain in my chest will never go away.

Sometimes I feel like I can barely breathe and even though there is air all around me, i’m in a bubble suffocating slowly.

Sometimes I feel as if tomorrow doesn’t matter.

Sometimes the pain invaded my body, not just my brain.

Sometimes I feel as though the pain is rushing through me like a earthquake underwater. One that know one can see or feel but me. One that eventually makes an island in my brain, another island which hold another memory of pain. An island of loneliness, an island of fear, an island of regret.

Sometimes sometimes turns into all the time.

But then..

there are these moments.

these slight moments that bring my head up from the water, lift the pain from my chest, give me a moment to breathe, make the islands feel like less of a weight on the world.

moments like,

when that throwback song comes on at a party and you know every word.

moments like,

when your sitting with your friends and the stupidest thing happens but you laugh till your abs hurt.

moments like,

sitting on the couch watching jersey shore with your sister. not saying a single word but feeling comforted by the silence and the occasional chuckles.

moments like,

driving down the highway at 3 am with your favorite music playing and the only lights come from the street lights above, the lights on the front of your car, and the occasional traveler passing you.

moments like,

that first kiss with a new person, the initial contact of skin and the nervousness and excitement in your bones.

moments like,

the plane landing at the tropical destination you have been saving for months to go to.

moments like,

taking that first bite out of your chipotle burrito or your first sip from your favorite coffee.

moments that make every problem in life seem distant and small. moments that make everything seem okay again and some that take the earthquake away.

i wish moments like those would last forever. but they don’t.

the earthquake shakes the world again, you put on a pretty smile and you paint your face back on trying to hide the pain underneath. you try and hide the earthquake in hopes for a moment.

but everything feels real again. and when i say real, i mean really fucking sucky.