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This is the second and final part of my poem Non Sequitur. |
I thought that after writing all this I would have learned something new Or would have learned to self-reflect Or I would have learned to resurrect my happiness. It would be lying if I said I did. Truth is I've learned nothing by writing Truth is the demons are still here Truth is I still suffer every day And the past won't ever go away It comes to haunt me. And I fear it's here to stay. I've lost my touch with reality Years ago when my friends Cut me down like a cherry tree. I've tried to make amends with my past. I've failed though. It was my fault, it wasn't my fault It's all the same. It happened. And nothing can take that away. Even though I don't want it here. I wish I could undo my wrongs I wish I could undo my suffering Denying this would accrue my hell I wish I could undo myself I wish I could take the hurt... The pain away from anyone I gave it to. I would suffer a thousand years Before I hurt another friend. I would undo all the bad I have done And in the end, maybe I'll be happy. Maybe I'll have something to look forward to Maybe I'll have someone to share a bed with Maybe my thoughts are what's holding me back I didn't think of that. My thoughts... Could that be what's been holding be back this whole time? No one else, just me? A lifetime of blaming others About problems that were solely mine? Maybe that's the answer. No...that can't be. It can't be that easy. I can't believe I've spent 20 years in a living hell because I chose it. That's not the answer. Maybe...I don't know... Maybe I can only find happiness By helping others. I've been down the dark road many times I know how awful the shadows can be. If I can help just one person in this life Avoid my pain. Maybe it would all be worth it. But I don't know. I could tell them my story. I could tell them why I thought I was worthless. I could tell them why I thought I wasn't worth it. But if I help other people If I give myself a purpose Maybe in the end, I will be worth it. |