Old Entries from LiveJournal

Sun, Oct. 30th, 2005, 06:12 pm
So I've really been thinking lately and I think that... if Tim doesn't marry me I'm turning to women. I told Steve that today and he looked at me crazy. Can't blame him though. I'm sure Tim will marry me but I don't want to go through this again if he doesn't. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for getting married this young but really how I see it is this: Once you're done with high school you have two choices in relationships. One, causal... really causal, mainly sex. And two, meaningful... going to be end or at least has the possibility to be something close.

Tim and I are far from causal. We were together six months before we had sex (which in this day is long time) and we been serious about one another quite some time, seeing that we never get to see each other (he's in the Navy, if you didn't know). I'm not wasting my time on a relationship now. I'm too old to be dating, I know I'm only 18 but man I'm telling you that is ancient now.

So back to my whole dating a woman thing. I also told Steve that I would have date her and break up with after a few days and find a new one but I don't think I could do anything seriously sexual with a girl, so pretty much I'd be a lesbian slut. That and I get too annoyed if I spend too much time with anyone person. The only way I could spend more than a few days with a girl is if she was like me about the whole sexual thing.

I know that everything will be ok with me and Tim though. He loves me, there was never any doubt about that, but he's just not sure he's ready to be married and that's fine. What confuses me is that I asked him if he was sure about wanting to be with me and he said that he knows that what he wants is to come home and crawl into bed with me and only me for the rest of his life. I sure hope he means it because I really can't be without him. I don't even find any other guy attractive now. It's kind of scary.

Fri, Nov. 4th, 2005, 09:43 pm
So here's what's be going on a little bit. Orginially posted at afgirlfriends2.

So just today, ok that's a lie: within the last week, Tim has decided to be the sweetest boyfriend ever. Like seriously. He misses me and can't wait to see me and is begging me to come to Virginia even though he knows I can't. And it really kind of makes me think, why is it now that this is happening? Now that I'm starting to let him be a little more. Not that I'm leaving him or looking at anyone else more it's just that I'm starting to not call him every second I have free or bug him to talk to me even though we just got off the phone twenty seconds ago. Really I'm just giving up on being overly clingly, which I am surprised that I'm admitting because I have profusely denied being that for so long. But I know that it's a good thing, sometimes. We are fighting a lot less which means that we have either 1 stopped letting the stress of a long distance relationship get to us or 2 stopped caring as much about each other and each other's lives. I really hope it's the first one.

Don't get me wrong, I love Tim with all my heart and I know I do. I will not be with anyone other than him for the rest of my life I just wonder sometimes what's gonna happen to us between now and the day we pledge our lives to each other. Hopefully nothing but good things but I know that THAT is purely wishful (and unrealistic) thinking. But we will be fine in the end... forever.

Tue, Nov. 8th, 2005, 10:29 pm
*Updated*
So much has happened. Joseph, a friend of mine that's in the Marine Corps, just came back for leave after basic. Only to find out that he likes me, like really likes me. Now let me explain I think saying that Joseph is my friend is probably an overstatement. We were in fourth grade together and sixth grade and we talked throughout high school, mostly just second semester senior year. But we bonded a little because we were kindred. We were both military bound. So he's back from basic (he left the week of our graduation) after being sent back for an injury and some several illness. He comes back and springs this liking me thing on me Saturday night when he leaves Monday and he knows I have a boyfriend. He's all upset and crying and stuff and talking about how he can't go back all emotionally unstable. So I really felt bad... until he said he loved me. Then I didn't. Now let me explain he may really think he loves me seeing that he's never even had feelings for anyone before but I know he can't truely love me. He doesn't know me. Crazy. But he still is calling me every second he gets and I guess that's ok... I'm sure he'll find someone else soon enough.

So, my roommate and best friend Nicole. I don't think I've ever written about her. She has a 15 month old son and he's so cute but the most annoying thing ever at times. He screams all the time, not cries just screams bloodly murder. So she only has him every other week now (join custody). So tonight and last night he stayed somewhere else. So Saturday night (night before she got him back) she left here to go to her girlfriend's house and told me she'd see me a little later. I told her didn't matter what time she came back, you know thinking she would actually come back or let me know she wasn't. Well I wake up Sunday around eight and she's not here and hasn't been here I call her thinking she fell asleep and didn't realise it until she woke up and then would apologise. Well I called her when I woke up and she was wide awake and didn't say anything to say sorry. So I guess she meant to stay and didn't care to inform me. So she stayed home with me and Brixon Sunday night, well actually she left in the middle of the night (after yelling at me about god only knows what) with Steve to go to the 18 wheeler. Then last night and tonight she's staying there again. Didn't tell me just expected me to know. It really wouldn't be that bad except she picks me up from work comes here with me, gets online and ignores me, gets on the phone with her girlfriend and ignores and takes a bath then leaves and she calls that spending time with me. NOOOO!

So then, to make it worse, I get on her girlfriend's LJ yesterday and there's this big rant about me and how I treat Nicole like shit and how I'm a bad friend and how she hates me... oh and a little history for you: Nicole's girlfriend wants my boyfriend and would fuck him if she knew she wouldn't get caught. Bitch.

Good she makes me so mad... not even mad but upset. All she does is hurt me when she does this and she knows it. I've told her. So who is wrong? Me for being over controling or her for not caring and like a back up instead of a best friend. So I texted her and we got into a fight because I told her that we could do something Thursday if she had time but she's always ignoring me when we're home so I don't know how we're going to make plans. She then replied "I'm going to go spend time with my girlfriend now because I want to and she's actually pleasant to be around." Ouch... I cried but she doesn't know or care about that. So I decided that she doesn't want to be around me or be my best friend she wouldn't have to. I stopped talking to her unless necessary and didn't spend anymore time with her than needed... She invited me to go to the mall with her and Brixon and I told her I didn't think that would be a good idea, she didn't say anything, just glared at me. She expected me to be okay with what she said without her apologizing. Whatever.

So I texted her because she had been ignoring me since she got home from work to ask her to give me a ride somewhere later that week. She said, "I'd find another ride and another place to live." She says she didn't expect me to leave that night but I couldn't handle it there anymore. Within a few hours was getting some clothes and leaving in tears to stay with a friend. She didn't ask where I was going and didn't talk to me again until she needed something a few days later. I'm done with her though, how can she expect me to stay friends when she kicked me out and didn't have any idea if I had somewhere to go.

Thu, Nov. 17th, 2005, 03:47 pm
Need to vent... But quick version doesn't help
This is going to be the quickest explaination of what's happened lately ever. Leaving out a lot of detail and not checking for typos is not like me but I have no time.

My roommate kicked me out, big fight without a best friend now. Tim and I have been through an emotional roller coaster lately and it's driving me crazy but I can't tell anyone what happened because they'll think about it the wrong way. My recuiter is leaving in less than three week to go to Saudi Arabia and won't be here when I ship out which has caused several emotional break downs. Freaking out cause Tim comes home in 18 days and I'm not ready for our engagement pictures yet... Need to buy a coat and get my act together as far as preparing for the USAF because I am scared to death right now. Write more later, promise. Bye!

Quick add-ons as I get time!
1) Update on my roomie and living situation:
2) Update on emotionalism with my love Tim:
3) Update on my feelings about Sgt B leaving:
4) Update on everything else:

Sun, Dec. 11th, 2005, 02:21 am
x-posted
I am in Elk city, OK on that greatest road trip of my life. Leaving Quincy IL headed to San Diego CA. And the best part, Tim is right there with me through it. He has to report Tuesday then we're going back home Friday for Christmas. Again Happy Holidays to you all.
Current Mood: anxious Greatest Road Trip Ever

Mon, Jan. 2nd, 2006, 06:44 pm
Biggest News Ever!
TIM AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED! So has happened, he asked me to marry him at the airport right before he left. We planned on him coming home in April and going to the court house and having a big wedding in December but today we decided that we just can't do this any longer so on Jan. 20 I am flying out to Cali to marry the greatest guy that has ever walked into my life. I can't wait! Hope you all had wonderful holidays and remember these men are worth the wait.

Sun, Jan. 8th, 2006, 11:43 pm
Update
I'm getting married in less than two weeks and it's wonderful. My whole family knows now and Tim's mom kind of knows, but she wants different things for us so we're sort of crossing her out. Tomorrow is my son's first birthday, he was adopted. So, to him (although he'll never read this) HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW DAVID, YOU'RE WONDERFUL! So that's that. I don't know what else to say. Dealing with all these wedding plans and such but I would appreciate any advice. Talk soon. Later.

Sat, Jan. 21st, 2006, 09:21 pm
Wonderful!!!!
So are you ready for this? TIM AND I ARE MARRIED! Yes I am in San Diego on his laptop which I am having a hard time typing on with not only my engagement ring on my finger but this beautiful gold band that just so happens to match the one on his finger. We went to the Kearny Mesa buliding today and got our marriage license and then within ten minute had our civil ceremony. The lady that married us was quite possibily the nicest lady I've ever met! So I am officially and forever married to the greatest man to ever walk into my life. He is so wonderful and I couldn't be more happy. Thank you all for your continued support and I wish you all nothing but the happiness that Tim and I share to you and your men. Love you all.
Felicia