A Move Toward Consciousness

I have not worked in about fifteen years. I am a forty-one year old single white woman.

I tell my therapist I feel blessed that I have not had to work because I haven't been able to work and then he calls me out, "Don't you think having a fulfilling career and independence would be better than living with and off of your parents?" I try to be positive without being a Polly Anna, but he is right. I feel sad when I see my friends from High school and college find their life's work and have children. Oh yeah...children. I would like a few of those, but I am now 41. Yikes I have a biological clock ticking and where has all the time gone?

I guess you are wondering what I have been doing the past 15 years with no job, no husband, and no children? Me too. No really my life has been rather sad. I have spent the past 10 years in hospitals and group homes. Every time it looks like I am going to be able start an independent life and move out on my own I self-destruct. I've been talking to God and he understands that this chance I have now really better work because impatient does not touch the anger I am feeling.

I am living at home with my parents in VA. Virginia is a beautiful state filled with State parks. This time of year the blue bells are out and the water ways are muddy at best and flooded like today. Hiking in the park is one of my favorite things to do. I was in a home for girls with eating disorders for 4 years and was not allowed to exercise except for a 30 min walk to a store. This facility is in a major American city and consequently I didn't have the chance to get out in nature. So, being back in VA and enjoying the outdoors is really special for me.