And So My Heart Aches

I felt you growing inside me as my stomach gradually increased in size and stretch lines started to appear

I felt every wave of nausea and tasted the bitterness of every vomiting episode

I saw you on the scans moving about with such energy and with your facial shape just like the others

I heard your perfect heartbeat with such clarity, beating in a systematic rhythm

And yet...

I never got to see your face
Or feel overjoyed at your first smile
... and so my heart aches

I never got to hear your laughter
Or the chatter of your first words
... and so my heart aches

I never got to wipe your tears
Or stay up all night comforting you when ill
... and so my heart aches

I never got to touch your soft skin
Or hold your hand even when you no longer needed me to
... and so my heart aches

I never got to hold you in my arms
Or carry you when I no longer should
... and so my heart aches

I never got to introduce you to your siblings
Or see you share in their daily joys and laughter
... and so my heart aches

I never got to see your first crawl
Your first steps
Your first day at school
Your first... everything
... and so my heart aches

I never got to show you love
Or care
Or gentleness
Or compassion.
... and so my heart aches

I never got to teach you about God
And His mercy
And His love
And His everlasting promises
... and so my heart aches

I know that God never burdens a soul with more than it can bear.
I know that this was always destined for you and me.
I know that God has taken you for a wisdom that only He knows of.
I know that what God wills is always best for us.
... But still my heart aches

I pray that time will lighten the heaviness in my heart. I pray that every tear that falls from my eyes becomes a river for you in Paradise and that God reunites me with you there.


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~Some people may think that the loss of an unborn child is not significant or challenging, but 'those who judge, do not understand, and those who understand, do not judge.'~